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AIBU

He is a trier.

(40 Posts)
Nanawind Sat 28-Jul-18 20:21:05

Our DD marriage split up over 6 years ago, she got a new partner quite quickly she has 3 children and they treat him like a real dad.,(dad is a wan***).
My god he is Mr opionated he knows how to drive (no license), he can do all electrical problems (not electron) now he's as educated as a doctor.
This in the past we have tried to ignore and in private laugh. This week has been the week from hell and he is getting on our nerves.
No reason to post just need to vent.
As long as the grandkids love him who are we to complain.

NanKate Sat 28-Jul-18 20:23:21

He sounds an absolute pain in the proverbial. Your DD must see something in him.

Nanawind Sat 28-Jul-18 20:34:31

He loves her so much, in fact he worships her. He is so much better than their own dad. We think he tries to impress us with his opions.
We don't need to be impressed as long as he takes care of DD and DKs that's all we ask.

MissAdventure Sat 28-Jul-18 21:02:07

Ah, I suppose you could try to see it from the point of view that he must look up to you to try so hard to impress.
It would really get on my wick though, and I probably would end up saying something.
I suspect it may be because I'm a bit of a "know-all" myself. blush

Anniebach Sat 28-Jul-18 21:35:34

Your daughter loves him, the children love him,he loves them, this is what is important, it must be difficult for you but for your daughter and the childrens sake , grit your teeth and accept him as he is. X

Nanawind Sat 28-Jul-18 22:37:23

Oh we do love him in a funny way. We in the bigger picture are no body. As long as he loves and takes care of them is all we want.

merlotgran Sat 28-Jul-18 22:43:25

Don't take your eye of the ball though, Nanawind. Your DD quickly entered a new relationship so she's hardly likely to admit to any mistake she may have made. Pride will often lead to people over compensating for a partner's behaviour.

Hopefully they are all happy but don't dismiss your gut feeling.

paddyann Sat 28-Jul-18 23:03:01

I think its the norm for people to move on quickly from relationships.My own daughter did just that and for the first time in her life we disagreed .I have to admit 8 years down the line ..that she made a good choice ,her 2nd husband is a keeper ,brilliant with her 2 from her first marriage though prone to spoil their joint child.His first and only.Apart from that he's a vast improvement on no1 who cheated on her with anything in a skirt .Having said that we still have a good relationship with him too..he is our GC's dad after all

Bluegal Sun 29-Jul-18 06:52:49

I think most people know somebody like this nanawind. As you say best to grin and bear it! Your daughter may tire of it or continue to overlook it on the basis 2 out of 3 ain’t bad 😂

NfkDumpling Sun 29-Jul-18 07:06:05

If he’s a good dad, loves and provides for them and they’re happy. All is good. Live for the moment, and be there if it goes pear shaped again. That’s all any parent can do.

Googoogoo1 Sun 29-Jul-18 08:41:30

I'm with Bluegal. Men with good intentions, want to be able to prove how capable and useful they are. Even if they actually aren't smile. As long as your daughter and children are happy and you already see that. Better to vent on here than to them.

sodapop Sun 29-Jul-18 08:51:37

I know people like that too Nanawind and it is irritating. However in this case it sounds like he is doing his best and maybe feels he has to impress to make his mark in the family.
Your daughter is happy and the children so bite your tongue (I find this hard ) and leave them to it. You will always be there to support if things go wrong.

Glenfinnan Sun 29-Jul-18 09:27:36

He obviously wants to impress. Keep reassuring him that all you want is for them ALL to be happy as a family, he will calm down!

Aepgirl Sun 29-Jul-18 09:34:56

I had an aunt who was quite ill-educated but she always said that she had met 'Mr' or 'Mrs' or Sir' or ''Lady' 'someone' who enjoyed talking with her because she knew so much about most things. She truly believed this, and thought we also believed it. It's just fantasy, but I know it can be very irritating.

peaches50 Sun 29-Jul-18 09:39:07

He may have self esteem issues and desperate to be accepted. If you laugh behind his back he must pick up your signals - and there is nothing more hurtful to feel like the fool. As Glenfinnan says he's overcompensating to impress YOU. Wise advice from her and others here. With more time and gentle reassurance he hopefully will settle down. Be thankful he loves and looks after DD and DCG. I'd be tempted to expose his 'expertise' or challenge some of his more stupid remarks but it would be a hollow victory and upset DD.

GabriellaG Sun 29-Jul-18 10:06:08

I sincerely hope he *doesn't drive*without having a licence. That would be criminally dangerous.
Likewise, fiddling with electricity without proper knowledge, just to save face. He sounds a right Walter Mitty.
Why does he tell those porkies? He must have no self worth.

eazybee Sun 29-Jul-18 10:21:12

'We don't need to be impressed as long as he takes care of DD and DKs that's all we ask.'

So why are you complaining then?
Why has the past week been a week from hell?

merlotgran Sun 29-Jul-18 10:24:27

I thought the same, eazybee. It's all very well everyone saying, 'So long as they're happy' etc., but a week from hell?

What's that all about?

kazziecookie Sun 29-Jul-18 10:28:29

Before I married my DH I dated a guy that sounds like this. I was sometimes embarrassed when we were in company with friends and my 2 daughters couldn’t stand him (they were 10 & 12) but in private he could be so nice. Also because he thought a lot of me it really boosted my confidence which was really low after my girls father had left me for a close friend.
In the end though I had to stop seeing him as he really was too much and I knew he was not right for me.
Luckily I met DH and we have now been married 19 years.

Nanawind Sun 29-Jul-18 10:28:53

eazybee the reason it's been the week from hell our youngest grandson had a burst appendix, DH diagnosed with cancer and mil had a heart attack.
This is the only place I can vent as I wouldn't deliberately hurt his feelings.

Bluegal Sun 29-Jul-18 10:31:14

I feel OP just needs to scream so is venting on here rather than complaining or expecting any advice. Probably seen to much of the guy this week for whatever reason 😭.

If you know anyone like she describes, you would understand. I don’t think he will literally be “driving “ without a licence but will tell everyone else how to drive 🤣🤣.

merlotgran Sun 29-Jul-18 10:32:33

That really is a week from hell, Nanawind. Sorry. I thought it was related to DD's partner.

You'll just have to grit your teeth, ignore him and focus on the things that are causing you so much anxiety at the moment.

flowers

sarahellenwhitney Sun 29-Jul-18 10:39:16

Only when he attempts to 'control' which he doesn't appear to be doing but ' annoys' you with his 'know it all', as long as DD and DGC are happy then that it is what matters.

sarahellenwhitney Sun 29-Jul-18 10:46:16

Only when he attempts to 'control' which he doesn't appear to be doing but ' annoys' you with his 'know it all', as long as DD and DGC are happy then that it is what matters.

Jalima1108 Sun 29-Jul-18 11:04:12

Perhaps he is still trying to impress you all nanawind

Someone dear to us found someone like that (or he found her) after she was widowed. They were both quite elderly though. He tried to impress us all with his expertise, his tales of derring-do (hmm), who he knew etc - but he did make her very happy I must say.

I hope things improve for you and your family flowers