AIBU? GS in night nappy

DS wet the bed till he was well into his teens. If only night nappies for older children had been available then it would have revolutionised our lives. I once saw an interview with a middle aged man who had wet the bed all his life. He had survived life in the army by creeping around washing his sheets before anyone else woke up. He had never married because he couldn't bring himself to tell a woman about his problem. Until then I had always thought that no one grows up still wetting the bed.

I cannot believe some of the comments on here, trying to shame the OP! It is NOT normal for a 5-6 year old child to still be wetting the bed (barring medical conditions, obviously). Think about the approach we take with puppies - a young child is much the same and too many parents are not properly toilet training their childen ready for school! My husband commented on having a cousin the same age and being expected to sleep in his pissy bed! Its not normal, its not acceptable (barring the aforementioned medical conditions), and school teachers should certainly not have to have the responsibility of toilet training YOUR children!

Saetana why are you on about teachers? This is about being dry at night time. Not day time.

And it is absolutely normal to not be night time dry at five.

Children are not bloody puppies.

Saetana 10 % of children aged 5 wet the bed. Fact
Day time dryness is not being discussed here. We are only talking about night time incontinence. More boys than girls bed wet so the percentage will be higher in lads to give an average of 10% overall.

I definitely think you should just keep on with the pull ups. Apart from anything else you want his staying with you to be a relaxed happy time that he will remember with pleasure not apprehension.
Lots of boys are a bit slow with this but it's up to the parents to manage it.

Saetana, I think you’ll find bed wetting at 5 is quite normal which is why the NHS won’t even refer until they are 8. Also, I suggest you look at modern, very effective ways of toilet training a puppy. No humiliation, no smacking and most times, no newspapers. Also dogs will not soil their beds unless they have absolutely no alternative having had Mum clean up after them from a very young age using her tongue. I assume you aren’t expecting mothers to follow suit with their offspring

Saetana I don't think anyone is trying to shame the OP - just pointing out that it's not up to her to decide how to deal with her DGS's bedwetting and that she should leave well alone. And that it's more normal than she thinks and leaving a DGS in a wet bed is not what most on here would do and many clearly think is hurtful to the child and not her business . I'm sure the OP can respond for herself though she's notably absent.

I really don't like the use of the word "unacceptable" in connection with bed wetting. It's no help at all to anyone who is struggling with it.

Saetana - are you married to a dog? I for one never had any puppies!

I'm sorry Saetana but it is quite normal. Hence the stories many people on here have told. It is very usual for children this age not to be dry at night. Children develop at different rates. If the child is not physically ready there is no point making them feel worse by letting them sleep in a wet bed. My son wet the bed until he was at least 8. This was before the days of pull ups and we both had broken nights when he woke in a wet bed and I had to change sheets and him. Although I never made a big deal of it wasn't a nice experience for either of us. I hasten to say he doesn't wet the bed now he is an adult. He just wasn't ready to be dry at 8.

"too many parents are not properly toilet training their childen ready for school" - dear, dear, what dreadful parents having a child who wets the bed - what can they be thinking of! Tsk! Tsk!

If the OP does a genogram of family members she may well find a succession of bedwetters on one or both sides of the family. Adult males who wet the bed after consuming alcohol were often enuretic in childhood which may give the OP a clue.

This child should not have unrealistic expectations placed on him regarding bed wetting. It is quite normal at this age and any sense of tension in the family regarding the matter will make things worse. Backing off offers the child respect - something that we would all expect is it not?

You could talk to DS in a general way. Don't say anything about being concerned but just say something like.

" Would you mind if I tried something ? I could lift him at 10 pm and see if that helps and he remains dry ? Is it worth a try ?"
I did this with all my children for a while and also my grandchildren . They didn't wake as I held them over the toilet but wee'd in their sleep . They soon become dry . It is when their bladder is small and can't hold too much and they sleep deeply.

Pull-ups at night for a five year old seems entirely normal and reasonable to me.

And as others have said, in any case, you do as the parents ask, it's their child and so it's their decision.

Thank heavens for learning that other GNs wet the bed till teens. My mum never made a fuss, though she did try strategies mentioned on here.
If there’d been pull ups around when I was 11, I wouldn’t have spent nights on a school trip (where I had to share a room AND a bed) rolled in a towel and a rubber sheet just in case.
I wonder if some of the naysayers on here were in the group that made fun of me.
When my GC come to stay and bring pull-ups, it’s not a problem and although I never say, even now they don’t, I pop a disposable changing mat under the sheet just in case.

I agree nanyjan that you should do as your daughter asks because there are all sorts of reasons not to disturb the equilibrium including the one that if your grandson experiences some upset at your house he will associate you with that which I am sure you won’t want. However I do want to say that there’s more than a grain of truth in what you say about knowing when you are wet - there’s much research to suggest that children are starting school and not being toilet trained and it’s all down to pull ups and never having to control the bladder -because children don’t ever feel wet - being able to exercise bladder control is important. And as for the comment equating what you proposed with leaving elderly people in urine soaked bed linen in care homes - I don’t think there’s any comparison - your motivation is to try to advance your grandson’s ability to control his bladder whereas in care homes staff are often too lazy to change the bed linen - and think elders with dementia don’t even notice - sorry if I offend anyone here but I have seen what Carers who come into my home to help with my own mum are prepared to do until I educate them otherwise and at the other end of the spectrum I have seen two grandchildren toilet trained very quickly by being put in organic cotton nappies and always knowing when they are wet and another grandchild who who was put in pull ups and left like that for four years out of the laziness of her mother who couldn’t be bothered to do the potty training any earlier - by the way I hear the statistics quoted about the number of children still not dry at night but let’s not be silly here - these are just statistics - they’re facts - and are a reflection of changes in parenting not changes in children’s ability to exercise bladder control - we must all look for the proper reasons behind statistics - all that said, do as daughter asks

razzmatazz, that sounds like a plan but I think the advice that young parents are given nowadays is that you don't lift. Don't ask me why because it seemed like a sensible thing to do but it is possible that research has highlighted an issue with children who have immature bladders. Many children who have lax joints (in the old days we called it double jointed) have a collagen defect and this also affects any organ with collagen to a greater or lesser degree. This can have the effect of the bladder being over stretchy and not giving the normal signals that other people get when they are full. By the time they get that signal, they can't wait. It can be quite a complex issue and whilst this collagen issue was once thought to be a rare thing, there is now a statistic that suggests that it isn't.

I can't believe anyone would even have to ask if they should go against the wishes of the parents on a subject like this! As others have said, he's NOT your child......

I think it is sad when you can't talk to your son about this as some people are suggesting . It's not what you say, it's the way that you say it. We all talk to our grown up children . Talk to him about it in a positive way with no hint of criticism or that you won't do what they want . Just helpful.

Just do as they ask for now- there will probably come a point when the child questions the wearing of this pull up himself- when at school and friends invite him for a sleepover perhaps? Or when at school others 'chat' and if any say about going to loo at night etc etc,he'l go home &question why he wears the nappy still to his parents- which will make them think about training him at night rather than the pull up for their convenience.(i think "it disturbs his sleep" is more that it disturbs their sleep than his! A child will often get up in night for toilet without disturbing everyone but a child whose wet the bed/sheets/himself will disturb his parents to change everthing!He will become dry eventually!(trust me on this,ive had 7kids!)

I felt a bit like you but went with mums wishes . Our grandson would be really upset at five if he wet the bed. He soon grew out of it.

Wow, this has stirred up a storm. The person who posted was right, do a family tree, there will be later urine continence, in parents grandparents, be kind. Had puppies and children, some are later than others. On divisions (parade in the Navy) in the 60's the Captain of a huge establishment addressed the mixed ships company stood smartly to attention that too many urine soaked mattresses had had to be condemned and it had to stop, do the arithmetic we would have been little ones in the 40's. No this is not to do with 'lazy toilet training' of modern times. A silent fact, not without shame and humiliation, let us be kinder now.

My youngest didnt stay dry at night till 8- oh, the wet sheets, the damp patches on trousers, the soaked duvets drip drying over bath! Pull ups sound a fab idea- I dont think they had them back then. You're achieving nothing with wet laundry (except a ruined bed, smelly child- and one who's very aware of what he's done.) They dont do it through laziness or bad attitude, so doesn't get you anywhere trying to draw child's attention to it. We only got results with a bedwetting alarm. (He's nearly 30 now with family & good job!))

For goodness sake, he's not your child so just do as his parents ask then there won't be any problems all round. My grandson wet the bed until he was nearly seven but has grown up to be a fine well-adjusted adult.

Yes, potty training does seem to happen later now. I trained both mine at just after 2 - it took just a week both times. My Gdd was coming up to 3.
But, and it's a big but, I was at home with them and able to give a lot of time to it. Dd OTOH works 4 full days a week, and although the nursery is very good I don't think they can be expected to give as much time to it as a stay at home parent.
I'm sure that with so many more mothers working now - often with no choice because of housing costs - that this is a factor in later potty training.
Plus of course the relative convenience of disposables - no piles of nappies to wash and dry.