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AIBU? GS in night nappy

(125 Posts)
NannyJan2 Mon 30-Jul-18 23:13:05

My grandson is 5 and stays with me most Friday nights, he still wears a pull up at night as he still wets the bed. I think he’s to old to be in a nappy still at night. My DS insists he wears one as it disrupts his sleep if he wets himself. Shall I just keep putting a pull up on him or should I let him feel what it’s like to wet the bed as I think that’s how he will learn to stay dry?

knickas63 Sat 04-Aug-18 11:49:02

Two of my three were bedwetting at 6 & 7. No pullups then. I remember one night being very tired and angry and shouting at her. Her little scared and devastated face! I can still see it! I swept her into my arms, told her I was sorry, sorted her out and put her back to bed. From then on, we handled it differently. No telling off, just cuddles, understanding and a quick sorting out of the bed. Once we had stopped stressing, she soon became dry. The son used to get up and sort himself out at 5! He'd change his pyjamas and cover the wet patch in a couple of thick towels. Never knew until we woke got him up in the morning. Kindness, understanding and pullups are the way to go!

Craicon Sat 04-Aug-18 11:59:48

Ah, so you’re one off THOSE grannies that always knows best!

My DS was dry in the daytime at 3 (potty trained within a few days) but wasn’t dry at night until he was 7 as his body hadn’t matured enough. He would sleep very soundly from being a few weeks old (great) and nothing would wake him. You could have music blaring outside or even a loud thunderstorm and he’d stay sleeping. It also meant he wouldn’t wake up if he needed a night time wee.

Just continue with the pull ups and accept that your DS and his wife DO know best and enjoy having your DGS for regular sleep-overs.

rosyposy50 Sat 04-Aug-18 12:03:27

I understand your concern as a grandmother but if you go against his parents you run the risk of never having him to stay again. If there is a problem you can be assured they are well aware of it and sorting it out themselves.

rosyposy50 Sat 04-Aug-18 12:09:47

Saetana, I assume from the tone of your comment that you are a schoolteacher who doesn’t have children of her own and has no empathy with parents whose children may need a little bit of extra effort? Certainly comes across like that.

ReadyMeals Sat 04-Aug-18 12:10:36

To the OP:

Goodness! I'd be more fedup if I had a bedwetting grandchild and I was asked NOT to put a pullup on them. It's much easier than changing the bed. Anyway a lot of kids sooner or later lose interest in seeing their grandparents, probably more so if the grandparents instead of spoiling them and letting them get away with things actually impose more training and discipline than the parents. You could expect the "Do I have to go to gran's today? Can't I stay home and do my homework?" as soon as they're old enough, if they associate your home with feeling compromised

Annis51 Sat 04-Aug-18 13:18:00

None of the replies have given the medical reason why a child stops wetting the bed at night. My grandson is 6 and he still wets the bed at night so he wears an ordinary cloth nappy. His paediatrician told us that in order not to wet the bed a person needs to make a hormone called vasopressan. This only starts as the child matures so newborns don't make it. Boys generally start making the hormone later than girls because of testosterone production. It is normal for a 5 year old to need to wear some sort of nappy at night. Pull ups are rather pricey and like disposable nappies don't biodegrade any time soon. We use Bambino Mio size 2 nappies and an extra large cover. Then we wash the nappies and use them again. Terries are fine too. It is nothing to do with sleeping deeply btw. Just to do with the kidney function of a child. All children wet the bed as a newborn so they wear nappies. Then they learn to use a potty and become dry during the day. Bowel control is usually a bit later.
So keep using the nappies provided.
In the past it was considered naughty or lazy to wet the bed but modern research has shown that it is entirely down to hormones. Wetting the bed runs in families so there is a genetic factor as well. The problem is called enuresis. It won't be considered a problem by a doctor until the child is at least 8. If the child is still wetting the bed despite being taken to the toilet at 10pm (first solution) then hormone replacement therapy might be started or an alarm to alert the child to needing the toilet. Mostly the GP will tell the parents not to be concerned & to put a nappy on. It is important not to restrict fluids because this makes the trouble worse not better. Best to restrict fizzy drinks or squash because these do make the problem worse.
In relation to whether the paternal grandmother should interfere with the decision of whether a nappy should be used then the parents have obviously not explained why they are letting the child wear nappies. The parents are leaving the child with the grandmother on a regular basis and are therefore having free childcare. They are using the grandmother as an unpaid nanny and unlike a qualified nanny she doesn't know as much about childcare. It is important to respect the parents' decision but they should have explained.
Children do not belong to their parents. They are only their care givers. The job of parents is to bring up the children so that they become independent adults and go on to have their own children. Input from other relatives should always be acknowledged and appreciated. If the parents do not agree then they should say that they don't agree and why, whilst remaining polite. Saying something like it isn't your child and it isn't up to you is rude and likely to upset granny who may not want to be so involved afterwards. Childcare out of office hours is extremely expensive so keeping Granny happy is a wise move.

NanaRayna Sat 04-Aug-18 14:11:28

Use the pull-ups. He already knows what it's like to have a wet fundament. He probably already knows how humiliating it is to be the focus of derision or contempt for failing to curb his bladder while unconscious. Adding to that pain won't make him continent faster, it will just upset a little boy and add to the stress. Quite possibly extending the time before he is dry at night.
He will abandon the pullups when he no longer urinates in his sleep. Probably will be delighted to tell you so too!

Nanny41 Sat 04-Aug-18 14:39:08

Let things be, he will grow out of this, maybe its an anxiety thing, he is only 5 years old, if there is a real problem, the parents will sort it out with some help if need be.

HildaW Sat 04-Aug-18 15:09:49

Oh yes being intolerant and coming up with home-designed 'solutions' will often make the situation very much more complex.
Can remember a case of a young lad at a nursery who was being potty trained too young (for him - we were always taught its stage not age with pre-schoolers). It turned him from a happy relaxed young fellow to a nervous child forever dashing to the loo. The knock on effect even altered his body chemistry, he was peeing too often and not drinking enough. Caused massive bouts of urinary infection that required serious intervention.

helena49 Sat 04-Aug-18 15:15:44

This post made me very angry indeed, the inference that the little boy will learn to stay dry if he is left to sleep in a wet bed?? How dare you suggest such a thing. I am now 68 and had trouble with wetting the bed until I was 11/12 years old. My parents never told me off, it was distressing enough for me to wake up wet as I got older and I just wished it did not happen. I have since learned (only recently) that it is a medical condition and is passed through the parent's genes and many of the attempts to wake the child through mechanical or other means are now considered draconian.

icanhandthemback Sat 04-Aug-18 15:21:18

rosyposy50, that's a bit of a sweeping statement about teachers!

icanhandthemback Sat 04-Aug-18 15:25:08

Annis51, I give my care to my grandchildren because I love them, not so I can have a say in how they are brought up. I hope that I have given my children the tools to do that but I have also helped them to be independent and to disagree with me in that role. I think other people have mentioned the hormone, which is a very good point, but it isn't the only thing that determines the control of the bladder as we found out with our children who have the collagen fault!

dorsetpennt Sat 04-Aug-18 16:09:03

If the instructions are pull ups , then pull ups it must be . No matter what you think he's her son . I'd be worried if he was 5 then I'd tactfully have a word with her. Otherwise just leave it

Gaga1950 Sat 04-Aug-18 16:28:08

It’s all to do with hormones NannyJan2. Sometimes these don’t kick in until they are 7 or older. Our oldest grandson was still in pull-ups until around 8 now he’s nine and no troubles in spite of his mother dying 2 years ago.

rosyposy50 Sat 04-Aug-18 17:59:05

Really? Where’s the sweeping statement? I certainly can’t see one? The comment was for Saetana and no-one else and doesn’t make any generalisation about teachers or anyone else!

Bluegal Sat 04-Aug-18 20:33:44

Disagree totally with Anis51! Disagree paid nannies know more about children for a start! They know the text book versions no more no less.

Also feel putting actual terry nappies on an older child would be psychologically damaging! Pull ups are just like wearing knickers and make the child feel more grown up.

Also sometimes there are NO medical issues at all - just deep sleeping! Brain not yet engaged. Or is THAT considered a medical condition?

Either way it is common at 5/6/7 and older. Stop stressing is my advice.

Minerva Sat 04-Aug-18 20:39:07

I followed their parents’ instructions (a typed sheet full of them) almost to the letter when my grandchildren were tiny and 100% once they could talk and report back when I took them home.

On the subject of ‘lifting’ at our bedtime, I did this with my first two and as expected they stayed pretty much asleep. My third, a girl, was suddenly dry day and night before she was 2 ?so it wasn’t necessary. But lifting my youngest GC who lives with his parents in my house was clearly traumatic for him. He became extremely distressed each time and we were all relieved to give up on it and return to pull-ups. Even with pull-ups there was a lot of nighttime bed clothes changing necessary before he got there but get there he did.

The one thing you can’t ever do is go right against your GS’s parents’ wishes in any respect or all trust will be lost.

Brismum Sat 04-Aug-18 21:53:11

What a lot of posts! Go with the parents wishes as most others have said. I was at home with my children both girls.Eldest resisted all attempts at potty training until she was 2yrs 10months then did a wee in the potty and said “there it didn’t hurt!” By 3yrs no nappies at all. Younger one reliably dry day time at 2 1/2 but another two years before she was in any way dry at night. Disposables were around by then fortunately as terry’s were wearing thin! My own mother never stopped nagging saying children should be dry at 12 months by day and by night at 18 months! Fortunately she rarely did any childcare as she always did her own thing. I have learnt and do as I’m asked with my grandsons and offer advice only if I’m asked. So I often am and am part of their lives. NannyJan is going the right way to be alienated!

Madgran77 Sun 05-Aug-18 10:03:32

None of your business! Up to the parents! Do as they ask! Enjoy having you grandchild with you. I know its hard if you don't agree but you have to accep they as parents must do as they fit flowersflowers

Chinesecrested Sun 05-Aug-18 11:02:45

My dgs is five and wears pull on pants at night. It protects the bed, especially as I have him often at weekends! He'll get there in the end. Where's the problem?

Deedaa Sun 05-Aug-18 15:58:17

My mother had one of the first copies of Dr Spock's Baby and Child Care. He advocated potty training from 9 months - but qualified that by saying that it was really training the mother to know when the baby was likely to produce something, while having little effect on the baby. By the time I bought a copy in the 70s he'd given up the whole idea of 9 months.

sodapop Sun 05-Aug-18 17:51:01

Made me smile Minerva I remember leaving my toddler with a friend for a few days. My friend had five children and told me later that she tore up all the A4 sheets of instructions I left. ?

MargaretX Sun 05-Aug-18 18:12:59

I always tried to look at the problem as if the child was number 7 in large family like the orignal families were. Not a child with 5 adults just watching him to see what he does.
Mothers of large families just let the children go tthe toilet when they ask to and actually at about 2 and half most of them are out of nappies in 3 days.

My GCs were not trained as this natural method is preferable, but if there should be a boy who wet the bed then a some sort of nappy is the perfect answer until he starts producing the right hormones.

confusedbeetle Wed 08-Aug-18 14:34:04

No he is not too old to be still in a night time pull up. NOT AT ALL