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Children’s Manners

(123 Posts)
watermeadow Wed 01-Aug-18 20:44:50

AIBU to consider giving my granddaughter a book about manners for her birthday?
She is appallingly rude, no please or thankyou, no greeting or goodbye. Yesterday I looked into their sitting room to say hello to her and she said,”Go away”
She will be seven soon and I’m tempted to punish her with such a book instead of a toy, BUT it’s actually her parents’ fault, isn’t it?

gillybob Thu 02-Aug-18 09:25:42

Mine too Harri . It’s lovely . smile

fourormore Thu 02-Aug-18 09:34:59

On a lighter note - it can be the other way around! Taking GDs out one day we had lunch in a little cafe.
OH asked me to 'Pass the salt'
The voice of a 6yr old - 'Pass the salt PLEEZE Granddad, manners!'
Oh how I could hear their mother!!! grin

Greenfinch Thu 02-Aug-18 09:37:40

Manners are"caught"as well as taught. My autistic grandson who incidentally also eats all his food item by item starting with his favourite and has to have his baked beans in a separate pot in case the sauce touches any other item of food,will always say" thank you for cooking my dinner " before he starts. Nobody told him to say it but he is copying SiL who always says it.

bikergran Thu 02-Aug-18 09:38:35

My 3 n half yr old gs drinks milk from the cereal bowl hmm since!! he saw great grandad do it!
I think he does it at nursery no ones ever said anything and it does mean he drinks the last drop of milk.

Actually if you look at other countries and traditions they also drink from bowls ..I was brought up for it to be bad manners (this was from my parents) yes!!! my dad! the one who now drinks from his bowl tut! lol.

Witzend Thu 02-Aug-18 11:29:44

Talking of drinking from bowls, I was fascinated (in an appalled sort of way) at 14 and on a French exchange trip - to see my counterpart's mother drinking her breakfast tea from a bowl (didn't the French always prefer coffee anyway?)
And in it she had dunked her bread and butter, so that yellow melted-butter globules were floating on top!

Witzend Thu 02-Aug-18 11:39:52

I do think it's so often a case of copying what parents or other carers do, not to mention repeated 'please and thank you' reminders when they're very small, too young even to say them at all properly.

I will never forget a very tiny tot - she cannot even have been 2 - as she left my workplace with her mother, turning back to say, 'Thank you so much!' as clear as a bell. Obviously it was Mummy's shining example!

ninathenana Thu 02-Aug-18 15:50:33

Same here harri re your last paragraph. In fact 9 yr old can over do it sometimes.....if that's possible smile

Do people not say "ta" to very young children when giving them something anymore ?
This was standard when mine were very young. I remember DD then progressed to 'tankoo'. I remember taking mine to a tea room aged about 8 and 4 as we left the lady said what lovely well behaved, polite children they were.
Start them young, I say.

Jalima1108 Thu 02-Aug-18 16:06:57

My grandsons 7 and 5 drink the milk from their cereal bowl at breakfast I was horrified.
Oh dear, if I'm on my own I may do that too blush
But if DH catches me I get told off.
Kelloggs used to give away cereal bowls with a lip on the side so that you could drink any leftover milk from the bowl!! I wouldn't do it if I was out anywhere, honestly.

I think your granddaughter's manners do sound appalling, though, watermeadow and it is the fault of the parents.
What to do? It depends on your relationship with the parents and whether or not you feel you could say anything.

has to have his baked beans in a separate pot in case the sauce touches any other item of food
Me too, Greenfinch, so pleased to note that many establishments now serve the baked beans in ramekins.

The DGS's school give out awards for various achievements and one of them is for kindness towards others, another for politeness. Without wishing to sound boastful, mine have won these awards - and their nice manners are down to their parents. If they were rude to any grandparent - or anyone - they would be subject to 'a chat' about being polite.

Jalima1108 Thu 02-Aug-18 16:09:47

You could just ask her if she has lost her p's and q's watermeadow.

Jalima1108 Thu 02-Aug-18 16:11:39

Actually if you look at other countries and traditions they also drink from bowls
Yes, I spent time in France when I was younger, where the family dunked their baguette in bowls of hot chocolate at breakfast then drank from the bow!
Not that I dunked (yuk)

MissAdventure Thu 02-Aug-18 16:52:38

I've always used my spoon to scoop up the left over milk.
I can't believe I haven't been let in on this secret as I've grown up..

Katek Thu 02-Aug-18 17:11:38

Re cereal milk-I believe you can buy a cereal spoon with a straw incorporated into the handle!! Not quite sure how I feel about them but it certainly prevents waste and spillage.

Jalima1108 Thu 02-Aug-18 17:16:47

NanKate you can still buy Kellogg's 'Tip and Sip' bowls (ebay etc) for your DGS wink

Jalima1108 Thu 02-Aug-18 17:17:26

MissA only to be attempted if you are alone!

Maggiemaybe Thu 02-Aug-18 17:35:45

At her age I'd definitely expect a please and thank you. Even my 3 year old DGS gets prompted for the magic word if he asks for anything, and has boring old Nanna quoting I want never gets at him on a regular basis. None of the food habits on here seem bad to me though, as long as they grow up to know that they maybe shouldn't lick their plates when they're in polite society.

I can remember my grandma objecting to me eating sweets "one after the other" and I took that to mean I should shove two or three in at once. grin

Tweedle24 Thu 02-Aug-18 17:44:19

Giving her the book might put you in dangerous waters with her parents. They might see it as a criticism of their parenting. Whilst I can’t bear bad manners in children either, I just think you should be careful where you tread.

Jalima1108 Thu 02-Aug-18 17:48:28

I would try a friendly approach when she's rude - but insist on a response to 'hello' and make sure she finds her p's and q's. You could say it loud enough to ensure that the parents hear you.
One of mine is the same age and if she responded to anyone like that, either Mummy or Daddy would be on her case immediately.

Tweedle24 Thu 02-Aug-18 17:49:23

Jalima 1108. You are right about etiquette being different in other countries. I went to collect my daughter from a French home while in France on holiday. My daughter was doing exactly as you describe - dunking her baguette in a huge cup of chocolate. I commented, not realising that the hostess could hear me, that she would not get away with that at home. The French woman was astonished that it is not ‘done’ in England.

Jalima1108 Thu 02-Aug-18 17:55:12

I used to sit with the children at breakfast time as they did that!

Don't try this at home; and the only dunkable biscuits are ginger nuts.

bikergran Thu 02-Aug-18 18:07:10

MissAdventure you need to stay in the Cliquethread bad manners will be taught and you will pick up lots of bad the thread reals on... lol lol.....grin

Grandma70s Thu 02-Aug-18 18:11:28

Not strictly relevant, but this thread reminded me of an incident at my son’s fifth birthday party over 45 years ago. The best-behaved, most polite little girl I had ever known, also 5 or 6 years old, grabbed the communal crisp bowl when the crisps were finished and enthusiastically licked it out.

To this day I have not told her equally well-behaved, polite mother, who is still a friend of mine. She would be absolutely appalled! I rather enjoy having this secret knowledge.

coast35 Thu 02-Aug-18 19:09:49

I am very lucky in that my grandson always says please and thank you and is not allowed to be rude. I job shared with someone with totally different views to mine for 8 years. In that time we did not ever clash with each other. I put it down to the fact that we were both scrupulously polite to each other. Manners make the the man and can carry you a long way. It’s a valuable life skill to have.
On another note my rules, my house or car works very well. Since he was very tiny my grandson knew that his mummy encouraged him to throw empty packets on the floor of her car because she was driving but he also knew that Granny would take his rubbish and take it home to be disposed of there. Horses for courses and everybody has to be comfortable with that.

Moira654 Thu 02-Aug-18 19:17:56

I once got a book on etiquette (hopefully not because I needed it!) I loved it but then I was a proper bookworm!

Moira654 Thu 02-Aug-18 19:19:31

Oh - my gs saves his meat until last as it’s his favourite! I always save a bit of potato for my last mouthful!

MissAdventure Thu 02-Aug-18 19:43:03

I know someone who immediately makes themself a small dinner on one side of their plate.
They spend ages preparing it, instead of getting on and just eating.
Its quite fascinating to watch.