Children’s Manners

I was amazed that my 7 year old grandaughter does not use a knife and fork, although she can and her parents are always telling her to use them. Her answer is we eat our lunch at school with our fingers because it saves washing up. Not for me to sort it but what is the world coming to.

My granddaughter has no manners because this is of no importance to her parents. I do correct her.
The idea of a boring book which would never be read was not serious.

I agree Nannyme children eat from cartons or trays on their laps with no cutlery now. I am often shocked by the way children struggle with knives and forks when they are asked to use them.

I knew somebody who didn't worry at all about teaching his child manners.
He just said she would eat decently enough if she needed to when she was older.

I suppose you can teach by example watermeadow.

Perhaps whichever child it is of yours may get a jolt and remember what he/she was taught!

They may eat from cartons or trays at home, but they have to use cutlery at school.

I don't know whether you have to actually teach babies to say thank you as DGS has said 'ankoo' for everything little thing since he could first say a few words - I can only assume we all say thank you all the time and he just picked it up. I know I say it a lot because my friend's Menorcan husband went off in a temper about it when I stayed with them years ago - apparently they don't say thank you all the time as it's very formal and means you're not relaxed in their home ?

Our DGS isn't quite two yet, but he says "please", "thankoo" and "yourelcome" (all one word, with no 'w' in it) whenever it's necessary.
I'm afraid I'd be constantly 'on' at the OP's GD about her rudeness and bad manners,
The child is almost seven, and her behaviour should be a lot better than that!
Yes, it's basically her parents fault for not instilling manners into her from the start, but she's also old enough now to know for herself that manners matter!

I wouldn't give the child a book on manners, but I would correct her when she spoke to me. I see no reason why we should put up with rudeness from other peoples' children.

It is of course her parents' who are at fault, unless they have given up entirely. Why not ask what they think? They might be glad for a little help if the young woman is taking the line that her parents are stupid in demanding a higher standard of manners than her school-mates' parents demand.

"It takes a village to bring up a child" - the proverb exists in countries as far apart as Botswana and Sweden. Don't leave it all to her parents and teachers, please.

I agree what is the harm in eating item by item, or drinking from the cereal bowl for that matter

I always, when in France dunk my croissant into my coffee.
yummy

wow that is appalling, last week my 17 month old grandson said thank when I gave him a piece of toast. He is also encourage to say please when he asks for something,

It's a bit passive aggressive to give her a book. if it was one of mine \i'd have a word with "my " parent .

I would start with having good manners in your house and also have a word with the parents in a softly softly way as it is their house and their rules. Good manners and treating people with respect is a life skill and you are never to young to learn.

Good manners are a necessary life skill.

No need to punish her ,just teach her to be polite if she doesn’t say please or thank you she should not be given anything until she does. if she is wanting to watch the television or have something to eat, whatever it is she should be taught to say please or thank you it’s just basic manners.

As a child I had a beautiful book on manners.
It was a about a giraffe and his friends.
As it was aimed at young children.
It only had a few words per page and had lovely colourful illustrations.
I wish I still had it, I have never forgotten it.
However at the time I think I enjoyed it as,a book with a nice story and rather than been aware of a 'hidden message '

May be a similar style book which is colourful and with a nice story but has manners as part of the story would suit your DGD Watermeadow.
Given as a gift but without any mention of
your DGD's lack of manners.

I think I would have said something at the time if my GD spoke to me like that. Not very crossly but just a "That's not very polite. I just wanted to say hello" Then I would have moved away but brought it up for discussion another time.
I think manners are best taught by example, so I wonder if her parents are polite to her and the rest of the family. It's no good expecting a child to use please and thank you properly if she is ordered about and snapped at rather than being asked politely to do something.

I would certainly have something to say if one of my grandchildren told me to 'Go away.' Yes, it is the parents' fault - they haven't taught her any manners. But that doesn't mean that you have to put up with her rudeness. Correct her - nicely, of course. And if the parents are present, so much the better - it may remind them that they are not bringing up their daughter correctly. And they are not doing her any favours by being so lax. How will she get on in the big world out there, if she is so impolite to other people? Not well, I'm guessing.

I think that manners (table manners included!) should be taught from the very start, then it just becomes the child's normal habit.

If all else fails have a word with your parent (or both). Tell them how her rudeness affects and hurts you ('Go away', no greeting or goodbye ...?) They will be defensive and offended, no doubt, but on thinking about it, I'm sure that they will take your comments on board and do something about it.

Good luck!

I see absolutely no reason why a grandparent shouldn't remind children about "please" and "thank you". I do it all the time and when I reach about 90 years old, they will have grasped the idea. I hope.

As has been said, manners are important but are a learned behaviour. As all things with children up to the age of around 7 much of what they are I believe is down to the parents. And the social skills learned from being with them and perhaps siblings and other family members.
It’s after this age peer groups become more influential and can alter things a bit.

I would probably have said 'well that was rather rude! Hello gran would have been nice!' And left it at that. I wouldnt start a single handed campaign to teach manners -tgats up to the parents.
I do tend to instictively prompt please and thank you in grandchildren and sometimes forget and do it in front of the parents in which case I apologise. My DiL says 'no, you're fine, they need reminding' or something like that. They don't seem to mind. I don't make any other comments about behaviour though.
My GS eats all food groups separately but I dont have a problem with that. I would objectvto eating with fingers but wouldn't say anything in front of parents. Drinking milk from cereal bowl is not very polite but I dont like it left and would encourage use of spoon! I think they do it in france though.

My parents gave me a book called [I think] Mr Gimme and Mr Give!!!! It certainly made me think. My parents were strict on manners and I try to be strict with the GC - the lack of 'please' and 'thank you' bugs me as does not picking up their detritus. Overall though their manners are not bad so I shouldn't really grumble - but I do and am known as Granny Grumble at the moment!!!

I've been known to hold onto something until I hear the 'magic word' from shop assistants, bus drivers..
Its just inbuilt, I think.
I was always a real stickler for please and thank you.

My gcs have a bowl with a straw incorporated but they still leave the milk. All my SiLs pour far too much on the kids cereal. I reckon between the 8 of them probably a pint is wasted . I am of the sook & scrape brigade. I always manage to get another spoonful from their yoghurt pots! Can't bear to leave anything clinging to the sides!
As for the rude 7 year old, manners are made at home. I would just persevere and hope that things improve. Maybe its an age thing. I have a 7 yr old gs who is pushing the limits but is being firmly corrected by both parents and grandparents. What's that? as I gave him his lunch. It looks disgusting . So he had the choice ......he ate it

Oh dear! If your DGD is normally a cheerful and sweet kid then maybe she really wanted to be on her own and expressed it in a childish way..or she was just having a bad moment. Don't take it personally! I would have said similar that others have said and been light hearted about it. You don't want to give the poor behaviour the attention.