Children’s Manners

From the reading of it, she is rude all the time.

Poor table manners is just bad training and poor modelling by adults around her..as is regular rude behaviour. I would be buying a book for the parents on have to create a better model of appropriate behaviour for their daughter! Or I would be worried that she is an unhappy little girl.

Well as long as they eat with their mouths closed I don't care what order they eat in. My grandson tells me to go away sometimes. Its up to parents to teach children. Good luck with trying to point anything out to parents about their parenting methods/or criticising their darling children. I shall continue to keep my mouth firmly shut. But different rules when in my house. I love my grandchildren but its a whole new game nowadays.

PECS and trisher have this situation summed up well imo. Children learn by example, parenting skill are what's needed here, not passive aggressive comments to 7 year olds. Maybe a calm and friendly chat with her parents is what's needed if this little girl is always rude, its likely she's unhappy, tired or going through a phase (lovely notion phases, aren't they).
I simply can't imagine feeling so cross with my own grandchildren. I can imagine feeling uneasy about what's going on in her life that being friendly and polite to others isn't a key component .

I think buying a book on manners would be so pointed as to in itself be bad manners.

If my grandchildren forget to say please or thank you I just say it for them - and they follow suit with a smile.

It is very rude to tell you to go away and I think I would have said something. Hopefully as your granddaughter gets older she will learn that speaking to people in such a way will not go down well. As others have said, it really is the fault of her parents to not pull her up on such things. It's not nice to keep nagging and picking on your children, but I think it is essential that they learn to treat people properly.

I don't understand why eating food items separately should be an issue. I know an adult who does that. I think it's a bit odd but so what, it doesn't hurt anybody.

Would she read it? perhaps a little talking to would go a long way without a present. 'When you can be polite, I will buy you a present' You could also say to her parents: 'I am not an never ending supply of money, so when your daughter can speak to me nicely, I will revert to being a nice Nana/Grandma. But until then, she needs to learn manners before I learn what she wants for her birthday/Christmas as do you two'.

I'd have a word with the parents and ask what's wrong with your DGD, not 'punish' her when you're not sure why she's behaving like that. They're not doing her any favours allowing her to grow up without knowing her Ps & Qs.

I think it's fine to prompt her to say 'please' and 'thank you'. I think I'd definitely not go away if a child told me so rudely to go away!

So many excuses for what is rude behaviour; no seven year old should speak to any adult in that way without being reproved, never mind the relationship.
I am constantly surprised by the admiring tone in which a few of my friends relate incidences of bad behaviour from their grandchildren, sometimes in front of them:
"Oh, he won't say thank you; she won't wear walking reins when we go out; they won't go to/stay in bed when I babysit."
It is almost as though they applaud their independent spirit. Needless to say, their children were badly behaved when young, still are, and I can understand why now.

Spot on Easybee, it seems like a form of reflected glory to me, boasting about their child being a child to be reckoned with, it’s very self congratulaly, & as if that makes they themselves somehow more important .

I would not ask my daughter to speak her child about bad manners. would not go down well. Nor would I dare to tell him to say please etc in front of her. As I've said before Good luck with that! whole new world now bringing uo children! We must have been bad parents indeed!

I don't think it is the same with all of today's parents - my DC are sticklers for ensuring the DGC are polite.
They would also want us to remind the DGC (nicely of course) to mind their Ps and Qs.

A child can have an independent spirit but also be polite!

It's a good thing to teach a child how to reason, how to stand up for themselves but in a polite manner.

That's good to hear Jalima. I do think it's important.

Just as another perspective... If my MIL gave my son a book on manners for his birthday I would be offended! Maybe she said go away because she wanted a day at home and thought you came over to take her out! And all children have to be reminded to say please and thank you, no one is perfect

I don't think a book on manners would be a good idea. I seem to have a slightly different take on the grandmother's role in the family. I loved my grandmother, and, finding myself a grandmother myself these last 16 years, my aim...and I know I have fallen short often...has been to try to emulate her. My role is not to criticise or take umbrage or tut and carp...there are plenty of family members who will happily take on that role. I loved my gran because her love was unconditional, kind and gentle, and could be utterly relied upon. Having her in my life was a priceless gift!

I think there is a fine line between teaching a child to be polite and making sure they have confidence too.

I would be making my feelings quite clear.
No treading on eggshells; I'd be out with it, telling granddaughter not to be so rude, then telling the parents.
Then going home to spend the rest of my life alone.

I get your point Babyboomer we love them whether they are good or bad. And if my grandson tells me to get out I don't get offended. He's obviously tired ot just wants to be alone. Maybe we are expecting a lot from little children. And working parents have enough to do without us complaining. ( I'm easily swayed ?)

You can kindly and gently remind a child to mind their Ps and Qs and to politely answer someone. It is not necessary to tut and carp.

Surely though, to love them includes wanting them to be well mannered?

The grandmother's role is to reinforce the good manners that the parents should be instilling.

However, in the OP's case, the parents are failing to do this, so perhaps gentle reminders from a GP could help.

As you can all tell, I'm not sure where I sit on this. I don't like bad manners or children not doing what they are told. I'm just not sure what's acceptable at what age. But as for telling them they are being rude or should say please thank you etc. I think some of our children would say that's not our ( ie grandparents) place. Children are brought up differently now. Even screaming is acceptable to many nowadays. Apparently it's one of the few ways they have of expressing themselves, as is refusing food and demanding other food. I find it all quite tiring. And then I am told I just don't remember what it was like. and I think, I'm sure my memory is not that bad. Sorry I sound such a moan.

I loved my grandparents, they were always kind, loving and gentle. On grandfather had a greenhouse and a love of gardening, I now have both those things. One day when I was about 4, he remonstrated with me for pulling two lupins up to give my mum. He told me you can't cut lupins because they don't grow again. My gran came out of the house calling words like "don't speak to that child like that. She doesn't know, explain it don't be cross she didn't know it was wrong"
This became one of those family stories to be told over again. Grandpa cuddled me, reassured me and said he was a silly old billy for worrying about a lupin.
Lots of messages for small children here.
As most of us learn and develop our parenting skills within our families, primarily from our parents but also from other family members, how can we 'blame' this generation of parents for being hopeless.
I don't believe they're any more hopeless than previous generations.

I loved my Nan, but she would have given me the sharp edge of her tongue if I'd been rude.
She was my favourite grown up and I used to spend a lot of time with her.

In the case of telling you to go away, I think that kind of goes beyond bad manners. I’d like a child to be aware of how their actions can hurt or upset others. Anyone can say please or thank you just so they will get what they want! To me, the same goes for saying sorry. It’s very easy to give the child the message that they can do what they like, as long as they say sorry afterwards.
Mind you, I do agree it’s not your place to criticise, but if it really bothers you, I think it would be okay to set a ground rule for your house, something like ,’ we speak nicely to each other, and say please and thank you’. If the child ‘ forgets’, ask them to tell you the rule, then let you hear them speaking nicely, and give lots of praise when they do.