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AIBU expect my friend to leave her dog at home?

(148 Posts)
Grandma70s Tue 14-Aug-18 20:21:39

I have a friend who never goes anywhere without her dog. My problem is that I don’t want dogs in my house. She doesn’t seem to think it’s possible to leave the dog at home when she visits me. As a result, I don’t really want to invite her. We don’t see each other very often anyway (she lives about 20 miles away), but it would be nice to meet occasionally.

Do people think it’s impossible to leave a dog alone for a few hours?

kittylester Wed 15-Aug-18 08:14:06

I think I have recounted before about my bil and sil who take great offence if we ask them to not bring their dog as it upsets our cats and this is their home.

We asked him to tie it up in the hall while we ate once (they had ignored us again and we blinked first!!) but halfway through the meal he brought the dog in as 'it was unfair ro leave her on her own while we are having a nice time'. angry

We now add a rider to every invitation and they rarely come here at all.

Gma29 Wed 15-Aug-18 08:24:20

Some dog owners can hardly believe you don’t love their dog like they do. Well, it depends on the dog. If it’s like a friend’s dog who was completely—ruined— spoilt as a puppy, then no, sorry, I don’t. I dislike being jumped all over, my furniture being scrambled about on, and having to constantly watch out in case I end up wearing my coffee.

She just laughs, while the dog takes absolutely no notice of her at all. I make sure I go there now. The dog is still a pain, but it bothers me less.

sodapop Wed 15-Aug-18 08:39:30

I do have to say as well that cat owners are often thought less about the behaviour of their pets. Up till a few years ago I was quite phobic about cats, but owners found it amusing when their cats jumped on me and often made no attempt to remove them.
I can't stand the thought of dogs licking plates either, yuk. Our dogs know they are not allowed in the dining room when we are eating and stay on their beds until we have finished, even though there is no door to separate them. The only time they disobey is when they hear the sound of a yoghurt pot top being removed, they love yoghurt.

OldMeg Wed 15-Aug-18 08:50:13

My friends and family are happy for me to bring my dogs with me when I visit or we meet up and vice versa. It’s usually only for an hour or so. They are rescue dogs and taking them out and about is part of their rehabilitation.

I do leave them at home when I go shopping as learning to be left is also part of their training. Again for an hour or so.

Any longer and I pay a dog sitter, by the hour.

When I take them to a café or pub they are now learning to sit quietly under the table. Most of the time you’d not know they were there.

I’d suggest that the OP doesn’t understand the bond her ‘friend’ has with her dog as it obviously is her real best friend.

If it bothers you so much OP just tell her it’s either you or the dog.

Grandma70s Wed 15-Aug-18 08:55:44

I would suggest the bond she has with her dog is no stronger than the bond we have with our partners or children (at least I hope not!), but we don’t expect to take them on every visit we make.

OldMeg Wed 15-Aug-18 09:05:23

Then I was correct in posting that you don’t understand the bond between a dog and a besotted owner. Dogs give unconditional love. They are a child substitute. They don’t judge us. It takes very little to make them happy, a walk, a stroke or food. They don’t talk.

Partners, children are far more demanding and judgemental. Believe me.

I’m not judging you for not understanding that bond G70 it is a very mysterious one I agree.

NonnaW Wed 15-Aug-18 09:18:22

I have 2 dogs and would not dream of taking them to others houses unless specifically invited to do so, and even then I’d think twice. They are fairly well trained but do jump up quite a lot (we failed to train that out of them!) and love stairs (we live in a bungalow so no stairs). They are happy enough left at home with their beds and water bowls. We never leave them for more than 4 hours. We understand the bond with dogs, but we also understand that others don’t want dogs in their home.

OldMeg Wed 15-Aug-18 09:22:10

But NonnaW the OP has clearly stated that her friend won’t go anywhere without her dog (in the singular) so I don’t think she will change.

Presumably then she has brought her dog on all previous visits but now the OP is saying she wants to stop this.

So therein lies the dilemma.

Grandma70s Wed 15-Aug-18 09:44:38

Yes, I have put up with it, though it is obvious I’m unhappy about it. Some people just can’t take a hint, or even a direct suggestion. I’ve had enough now.

GrannyGravy13 Wed 15-Aug-18 10:08:16

I am allergic to dogs, all our friends and family know this. Our home has always been a dog free zone. When we visit a home that has a dog I have to take extra medication.

I love dogs though and wish we could have one here, we have up till recently had cats.

HAZBEEN Wed 15-Aug-18 10:11:16

I had a relative in law who used to bring her dog to our house even though we asked her not to as we had cats which I always shut in another room when we had visitors. The dog was a blinking nuisance, jumping on furniture, knocking things over and even weeing up the side of my sofa!She just thought it was funny!
Then one day my 5 cats somehow got into the room with the dog and became a pack of lions hunting prey! Exit one relative with one very sorry dog! She never brought the dog again!

Luckygirl Wed 15-Aug-18 10:17:43

If there is one thing that pulls my chain it is misbehaving dogs whose owners just laugh or trot out phrases like: "He's just being friendly" or "Aaw- he really likes you!"

Well, I don't like him!!!!

glammanana Wed 15-Aug-18 10:23:08

I would never dream of taking my dog to someones home,she is left in her bed at home and if we are going to be out more than 3/4hrs my neighbour will pop in and let her out in the garden sometimes she has even taken my dog into her home for a wee bit of company.

Oldwoman70 Wed 15-Aug-18 10:36:32

I have a friend who takes her dog everywhere as she considers him to be her "comfort" animal. We meet in dog friendly pubs and cafes.

However, the dog is completely untrained and she insists on having him on her lap and cuddling him all the time, whilst he is always struggling to get down and yapping. On one occasion he was yapping so much the pub landlord actually told her to keep him quiet or leave as other customers were complaining.

KatyK Wed 15-Aug-18 10:39:20

Luckygirl grin My DH gets annoyed if a dog is bothering us and the owner says 'he won't hurt you'. DH always says 'has he told you that?'. My brother always had dogs and made no attempt to train them. I can remember sitting in his house waiting for them to get ready as we were going out. I had a cup of coffee in my hand and their dog was being a real nuisance. Eventually he nudged my cup and the coffee went all over my white trousers. That was my night out up the swanny. He didn't mean it apparently.

KatyK Wed 15-Aug-18 10:41:15

Just to add, I can understand why people have dogs, especially elderly people who need company.

Hagridnan Wed 15-Aug-18 11:16:40

I like my dog more than I like a lot of people, would never expect anyone else to. Grandma70 you are definitely not being unreasonable.

I would never dream of taking her to a friends house if she hadn’t been specifically invited , it’s just rude.
My dog has brain damage so has some problems with her manners therefore I ensure anyone I ask to my house is aware of this .If anyone’s not keen on the dog when it’s my turn to host I am happy to meet up elsewhere rather than not reciprocate an invitation we can have coffee out, my shout.

muffinthemoo Wed 15-Aug-18 11:19:20

For over a decade I’ve owned a six stone Dalmatian with a compulsion to steal any unsupervised food he can reach.

I would only bring him on a visit if I wanted to make absolutely certain I would never be invited back.


sodapop Wed 15-Aug-18 12:23:56

He sounds like a handful Muffin but obviously much loved.

Luckygirl Wed 15-Aug-18 12:43:56

Weighs nearly the same as my poor OH! - but he doesn't steal food (unfortunately).

Grammaretto Wed 15-Aug-18 15:08:38

I don't think you are being unreasonable in the least. If you wanted the dog you'd have issued an invitation.
I agreed to look after a friend's dog for 3 months while they were in the States. They didn't come back when they said and stayed for a year!!. We liked the dog but were moving house and had to move with the dog. I realised what a tie it was to have a dog in tow. She hated being left at home alone and used to whine loudly. She couldn't be taken out to many places. I just had to meet friends in the park.
I must say it cured me of wanting my own dog.

cavewoman Wed 15-Aug-18 15:24:31

The one and only time I took my first dog to visit a friend (by her invitation) he cocked his leg up against her Christmas tree and wee'd over all of her wrapped presents.
Never again blush

GrandmaKT Wed 15-Aug-18 16:29:17

My sister and I have come to an impasse over this. I am more than happy for them to bring their dog with them when they visit. (They live a long way away so always visit for at least two nights). However, they insist that the dog has to sleep in their bedroom with them and I just can't stomach that! I'm happy to accommodate him in the kitchen or utility. They refuse to put the dog in kennels or leave it with friends or relatives, so as things stand they just won't visit.

OldMeg Wed 15-Aug-18 16:33:54

GrandmaKT if their dog was put into the kitchen or utility room and he was used to sleeping in their bedroom, wouldn’t he just bark and howl all night?

notoveryet Wed 15-Aug-18 16:36:40

I've had dogs all my life, always trained to stay on their own, though the longest recommended time is 4 hours. One of my current dogs has taken 3 years to get to that point so my heart goes out to anyone struggling, even the best of trainers can encounter that one difficult dog. He used to go to dog creche if we had to go out. Now he can be left with no problem, but it's always been that I would never take my dog into someone else's home but I'm afraid you would have to accept them in their own home.