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Malicious Gossip :(

(126 Posts)
Bush Thu 16-Aug-18 14:31:07

Hi All

I would just like others perspective on something that is bothering me somewhat.

I recently visited a hairdressers. It was a quiet day, just me and the owner/stylist.

It faces a cafe/bistro type place which has seating outside.

There were a number of young ladies and their children enjoying refreshments in the sunshine. No one really stood out, all looked well groomed and trendy.

The stylist starting harping on about one lady in particular, stating she thought she looked like a prostitute, she’d fallen of the rails, hit the bottle, taking drugs etc. I was shocked. Then she fetched her phone to take a covert photo. I said that she was being very unkind and it would be wrong and as far as I know she didn’t take the shot.

It’s still on my mind days later. I feel mortified for the lady. If I’m honest I think it bothers me not just because it was grossly unfair to the lady in question, but it touched a nerve as I think I have been subject to unfair & untrue gossip myself in the recent past.

I know there is nothing I can do anything about any of this but it doesn’t stop me feeling hurt and humiliated for myself or empathic towards the lady at the cafe. To add context I am not overly confident and am generally anxious myself so this might cloud my judgement.

I think for starters I should look for another hairdressers.

janeainsworth Fri 17-Aug-18 09:24:27

Actually that is a serious point. If we don't challenge extreme views, people think they are acceptable and that other people agree with them, and will go on spouting them.
The more people do that, the more acceptable such opinions become.

Fennel Fri 17-Aug-18 09:24:34

Another thing, if they're nattering on all the time they can't be concentrating on the job in hand. My last hairdresser didn't chat at all when she was working, one of the reasons I stayed with her for a long time.
I hate gossips, as others have said if they talk about others they'll talk about you.
I've known one or 2 like that and they tend to 'pump' you, fishing for any gossip you know. To pass on.

Chewbacca Fri 17-Aug-18 09:30:04

I'm in awe at how many of you have political discourse with your hairdressers! Conversations with my hairdressers always seem to involve who's going where on holiday; what the children are up to and what was on tv the previous night. I've never fallen out with any hairdresser yet.

gillybob Fri 17-Aug-18 09:32:34

I really wouldn’t know where the hairdresser I go to “is on the political spectrum”. The most she/we have ever spoke about is “are you going on holiday this year” (usually a conversation stopper) . I always feel so stupid being there in the first place and wonder if she’s thinking “a magician couldn’t make anything of this hair” although she probably isn’t. I once showed her a photograph of my beautiful DGD’s and their gorgeous long, thick hair and she looked at them at then at me and said “ there is no resemblance whatsoever” . I felt so silly (wished I hadn’t showed them off) and replied “thank goodness”.

sarahcyn Fri 17-Aug-18 09:58:02

Definitely don’t go back to that hairdresser.
In an ideal world, you should let her know why you don’t want to - something on the lines of “Having my hair done should be a relaxing positive experience but I felt very uncomfortable with the conversation last time”
But this isn’t an ideal world, she’s lost a customer and will never know why...

Overthehills Fri 17-Aug-18 10:05:24

What Gillybob said - to the letter!

grandtanteJE65 Fri 17-Aug-18 10:06:47

Certainly change your hairdresser, and you have absolutely no reason to feel ashamed or guilty. Quite the opposite, as you did precisely what everyone should do. You told the hairdresser that you didn't agree with her and that she was being unkind and should not take that photo, which she didn't.

Perhaps your frankness will stop her behaving like that again - doubtful, but we live in hope!

I'm sure you are not the only client she has lost or will lose through her bad behaviour.

HildaW Fri 17-Aug-18 10:11:46

janainsworth, you are of course right. But it's so difficult to know what to say as a retort. Sometimes people who feel the need to blurt out their views and opinions to all and sundry suddenly become very thin skinned when you try to tactfully respond. Being a bit of a coward I tend to resort to a dead expression and silence. Hopefully they get the message. Of course if I know someone well enough I will say something - if its a social interaction.

Bush Fri 17-Aug-18 10:15:07

Sarahcyn I totally agree with you in perhaps letting her know why I won’t be going back when I pop in to cancel my next appointment (I’d made a few in advance). If I’m brave enough that is.

Because my esteem is currently low im believing that how she was was a long winded way to put me off returning anyway!

Like I said she has been increasingly weird! I just can’t get how the whole appointment was kind of strange & intrusive. To the point that when she got on about one particular topic I said I wasn’t comfortable in answering as it was private.

Like a previous poster suggested she was ‘pumping’ for gossip and private stuff.

I’m all at sixes and sevens and it’s still dominating my thoughts today. I need to get a grip!

luluaugust Fri 17-Aug-18 10:17:28

Never had a political discussion with my hairdresser, the only time it was ever mentioned was when she told me she had no idea how to vote. We discuss her dogs if anything. Very good cutter.

NannyC2 Fri 17-Aug-18 10:19:00

Indeed you were quite right to think the hairdresser had been very unkind. Sometimes, you need to speak out when injustice happens.
I am sure there must be other hairdressers who act and behave in a more apt and professional manner.

luluaugust Fri 17-Aug-18 10:19:07

ps Bush yes do change if you want to its suppose to be a relaxing experience. Poor lady opposite having a quiet cuppa just shows you never know whats being said about you.

HootyMcOwlface Fri 17-Aug-18 10:21:58

Me too gillybob - and I hate the dentist, makes me feel ill going, but I hate the hairdresser more! Absolute torture.

janeainsworth Fri 17-Aug-18 10:26:15

Hilda I agree it’s easier said than done.
The other week we took the grandchildren to Warkworth Castle and while they were rolling down the moat making Medieval noises, MrA fell into conversation with another elderly gentleman.
For some minutes this was pleasant enough but then veered off in a fairly far right direction.
MrA brought the conversation to a conclusion with a subtle change in tone and body languageto indicate disapproval, but it was probably too subtle for our new acquaintance to appreciate.

annodomini Fri 17-Aug-18 10:28:45

Bush, I agree - you need to ditch that hairdresser and tell your friends why you're changing.

Nannan2 Fri 17-Aug-18 10:28:53

Yes i try to pick whichever hairdresser is lowest price for what i want.i used to go most often to one whom was a gay guy and he did lovely cut/colour etc,and surprisingly did NOT talk about his customers only talked incessantly about himself&his boyfriend,his old job,etc etc.(not moaning about old job,just what it was,how different to hairdressing etc)he was very refreshing not to mention interesting.and very good hairdresser! I stopped going as it was further to travel,but may start going again soon.grin i find if you go to different ones it stops it being 'cliquey'& they know nothing about you to gossip to next client about!

GabriellaG Fri 17-Aug-18 10:30:48

I go up to Richard Ward's salon in London every 2 months. They don't gossip to clients as the majority of them are well known to the general public and no-one would patronise the salon if gossip was rife. We keep to safe subjects such as hairstyles, clothes, holidays and home cooking. Most of the time I'm half asleep in a massage chair having my hair washed or just closing my eyes and enjoying the experience.

Rufus2 Fri 17-Aug-18 10:32:29
This URL came with the latest Webster's Newsletter and looks very interesting; particularly for "Northerners", but others can look.! grin

Bush Fri 17-Aug-18 10:37:09

Nannan2 yes price is a factor for me too as I don’t have heaps of cash.

I will definitely be seeking recommendations from others.

My other half is telling me to not say anything to the spiteful & nasty hairdresser as he says ‘it would be water of a ducks back’ to her. I think he’s right. The thought of returning to cancel and say something is making me feel really anxious.

I think I will have to go rapunzel and never set foot in a hairdressers again.

Rufus2 Fri 17-Aug-18 10:38:19

Sorry! Wrong thread! Was meant for "Chat". Must be losing "it." confused

janeainsworth Fri 17-Aug-18 10:40:41

I think you’re on the wrong thread rufusgrin

Mary59nana Fri 17-Aug-18 10:42:54

There is a saying I always go
Those who talk to about someone
Will talk about you to someone
So very true in my experience

janeainsworth Fri 17-Aug-18 10:44:04

I go up to Richard Ward's salon in London every 2 months
Well if you’re lucky you might see the Duchess of Cambridge there, gabriella.

Mary59nana Fri 17-Aug-18 10:44:27

Ops a few errors
Those who talk to you about someone....,,

MawBroon Fri 17-Aug-18 10:59:19

I go up to Richard Ward's salon in London every 2 months

?”Drop your names here”