Malicious Gossip :(

How totally unprofessional - what right did she have to judge a perfect stranger on looks alone - definitely change to a different salon.

I've been going to my hairdresser for over 20 years and she's sort of a friend now - we've been out a couple of times to concerts together. We do talk but not about other people apart from family - she's a bit of a hypochondriac so a lot of the time is spent on her latest ailment or her somewhat whacky ideas. If we moved I dread the thought of having to find a replacement!

In replacing your stylist you may want to use these EU guidelines for hairdressers as part of your selection criteria:

www.eesc.europa.eu/resources/docs/008-private-act.pdf

You may also want to give a copy to your current stylist as a parting gift so she may earn the trust and keep the confidence of her future customers.

Well you stood up for her which is doing quite a bit. That is not always easy to do. Hopefully you have another hairdresser that is easy to get to and you can avoid her. You won't enjoy visiting her in future so you really have no choice but to change.

Jaycee5 you are right. I would not enjoy visiting her salon again.

My other half feels that she was being symbolic in talking about that particular lady in a disparaging fashion. He feels the hairdresser was transferring her own thoughts about me onto the lady and passively aggressively having a dig about me.

Not that I have ever done drugs, had a drink problem or been a sex worker. Although I do have low mood & anxiety but put a smile on when out and about (although the hairdresser knows I have those conditions due to a very difficult year)

The lady she singled out was no different to the other ladies there. Trendy, made up, sunglasses on etc.

I think I need to move towns!

Grampie Great idea! I thinks she breeches most of that Code of Conduct!

This is a very unprofessional thing to do! When we are in a Intimate situation like having your hair done ,things can come out ,I know I have unloaded my thoughts to my hairdresser and also know some of their thoughts and problems,its the nature of the job,but you would expect confidentially and also not to comment on others,it was totally wrong on all levels,and you were right to be upset about this!
You can of course leave and go to another hairdresser,but if that would be difficult for you ,this is what I would do,if this lady is not the manager,slip in and ask for a quiet word with the salon manager and ask for a private word with him or her,explain what happened and that it made you feel uncomfortable,if it is the manager,then I would write a note and address of the the manager,saying the same thing.
If the manager is unaware,they need to know as it could affect business and the person being spoken about could hear it or be told it,then you could have quite a scene.

They are quite strong things she is saying,drink,drugs sounds like she has a personal beef with this person!
Your not being sensitive ,your being kind,it's not nice and not called for !

Wow! How unprofessional!

A few months back I met up with some old colleages for lunch and a catch up.

The conversation turned unpleasant when they started character assassinating a colleage who wasn't there, and made some really nasty comments about her. I felt shocked at their behaviour, and have decided not to meet up with them again.

I would make the same decision about the hairdressers - look elsewhere.

Dont go to her anymore, she might gossp about you !!

Yes to finding another hairdressers. I did just that when the woman washing my hair started on about some woman with an unusual name who had rung up that morning. She laughed heartily about it and went on and on, all the while scratching my scalp with her claw-like nails.

Turns out, of course it was me she was bitching about.

In the end she did me a good turn as I was getting sick of that particular hairdressers as the man who did my hair did nothing but try to make me feel sorry for him by pouring out his woes while trimming my tresses. He actually made me cry once, that really should have been a wake up call !!

I wouldn’t go there again myself and I would of replies to her by saying ‘I don’t do gossip’. I live next to a true narcissist who because he didn’t like us sticking up for a boundaries physically and mentally has for the last nine years done a smear campaign to all our neighbours. Enlisting ‘flying monkeys’ to do his shunning work. This is where it starts with people just like the hairdresser and can ruin people’s lives.

Some folk are so busy finding fault with others they forget to look in a mirror at themselves. What does it matter if the lady across the street was a prostituet she is only offering her
Services like the hairdresser is offering hers, all be-it at different ends of the anatomy.

I definitely would not go back, my last hairdresser was inclined to gossip too so now I shop around, there are loads in this area. I must say the younger hairdressers are far more professional.

Was she gossiping or being nasty about a woman she didn’t know?
Neither is pleasant but there is a difference.
I once had 2 clients, both dead now, who were or had been married to the same man. They hated each other with a passion and were very vocal on the subject.
Neither of them ever knew that the other one was also a client. That’s how it should work.

Bush I am so sorry you had to endure this. You are a decent and caring person. Of course do not go back there. This kind of judgemental and condemnatory gossip is very harmful and I am sure the Hairdresser does it all the time to many clients. It makes her feel powerful. It is very nasty and dangerous. People suffer a lot through it.
I grew up in a house where gossip prevailed, mostly it was lies and speculation and very malicious. I am very like my father; very factual. As a child (and even now at 68) I could not understand it when the truth was twisted or simply ignored and, when I was young, I remember trying to explain what had really happened or been said or what I actually saw concerning the subject. I learned very early on not to say anything and that the "reality" of the gossipers was different from the reality I perceived. I decided I could not manage a life with these two versions of things and I felt so uncomfortable listening to the gossip and then when I met people about whom the gossip was spread.
One awful day at school when I was 8, I said to a little girl "You are spoilt." because the conversation in my house had been solely upon her mother and how she spoiled the little girl. I did not really know what spoiled meant. I was in awful trouble. I have never been able to get over it. The damage mothers do when gossiping in front of their children is huge.
I think people who gossip enjoy the power it gives them over their victims and the leaders of the gossip like the power it gives them over their listeners too. When I was an adult my mother began another malicious gossip about my cousin looking for her natural mother, saying many cruel things about my lovely cousin whom I adored since she was a little girl. I was silent as usual while my mother led forth to her audience but she suddenly demanded that I should agree with her. I said I did not like the way we were talking about my cousin behind her back and how distressed she would be if she knew she was being discussed in this way because she loved us. The atmosphere changed, my Godmother, a very shy person nodded vigorously, but my mother was furious and from then onwards was very cruel to me, spreading gossip and lies about me and my father, her husband.
Gossip sounds like a harmless thing. It is not. Gossipers are evil and malicious and should be condemned and stopped. We should stand up to them and say how wicked their gossiping is.

driverann I love you!! Thanks! you've just made me really laugh! And I needed it because I'd just written my painful memories of the gossiping while I was growing up (above) and it made me feel pretty low.
You are a gem!! ?

Good grief. What a nasty piece of work. I wouldn't be booking a second session with any hairdresser disparaging another customer or (as in this case) an innocent bystander, or giving me the benefit of their political views, whatever they happened to be. Albertina, I was once discussing a quote with a saleswoman when she thought it was appropriate to tell me they'd just been having a right laugh at my name in the office. Before I put the phone down I said you've just lost a sale - go and have a laugh about that.

Guineagirl Just to say how very sorry I am to hear that you have become a Narci's target. They are so very poisonous and extremely manipulative. I too have just recently been assaulted by my n-d neighbour and found she is probably one. She is definitely anti social and a big liar and her behaviour is almost a joke it is so manipulative. But it isn't a joke to be on the receiving end and that is why I'm sending you as much moral support as I possibly can. You are not alone. There are good You Tube videos about Narcissism which might give you some support and websites. Record everything and take photos and don't get involved in any arguments. They are completely unreasonable so just do not talk to him. If he engages with you film it. Make sure you report anything like harassment to the Police. Harassment needs more than one incident but report the first one so they have it logged. I did that and the Police supported me.
These people lie and lie and lie, they are dangerous and they enjoy destroying others. Try and keep right away from him. Put up the highest fence you are permitted (2metres) and grow some pleasant sheltering plants like bamboo. I know it costs money because I want to do it but can't afford it as yet, but am saving towards protecting my little haven.
Don't let the b****gers get to you and remember you are not alone! Lots of love L. ?

driverann - ha ha......I couldn't have put it better myself, that's a brilliant response ……..I'm still laughing now …..

GabriellaG It sounds heavenly! I used to go into Nottingham to a wonderful place where you were given a head massage after the wash. I came out feeling drugged!! Sadly transport problems are stopping me now but I found a good local place where I can park outside - disabled so need this. I love it there and the youngsters are very professional. A good Hairdresser is something to treasure! I would never go back to a gossiper - see my previous reply.

Pamelaj1 thank you for highlighting there is a difference between being a gossip (sharing info received from others) and being nasty (sharing own opinion) (Do I have that right?)

I think she was both. During my appointment another customer came in to make an appointment. There was whispering, chit chat and smirky laughter. After that person left, the stylist returned and stated that it was definitely who she thought it was as she checked with the customer who had been in. She said something about not needing to take a photo as it had been confirmed who it was. She also went on about referring to SS as the cafe customer had children and shouldn’t ‘be living like that’ or words to that effect. I don’t her SS don’t take referrals based on hearsay!

Also the lady outside the cafe moved tables to be further away from the view out of the salon window. I am of the opinion that she became aware she was being gawped at. Totally bullying behaviour on the stylists part.

I must thank you all for sharing your own experiences and thoughts on this ... I feel a bit less isolated.

Driverann so funny! You have cheered me right up. Ty & Bless ya!

MawBroon ???????

”Drop your names here”

Now who is creating a malicious touch of gossip?

Years ago when I was a young mum of 4 and one on the way a friend was in the local hairdressers when she became aware of a conversation amongst staff and other customers about “that woman with the 4 children, you know the one with the twins? There followed various other personal details to ensure no one was left in any doubt as to who I was. “Well you’ll never guess....” There followed speculation about how I would manage, fancy having 5, whether or not this was a planned pregnancy etc. Eventually my friend could keep quiet no longer and launched in to my defence, assuring everyone I was a very capable mum and this was a very much wanted baby! I was pleased to hear she’d been so loyal but hated the thought that I’d been the topic of conversation in the local gossip shop salon. And yes I did take my custom elsewhere! Their loss, there were a lot of haircuts needed over the years!

Luzdoh thank you for your replies. Sorry to hear how profoundly gossip has impacted on your upbringing. I hope you have peace now and feel settled in yourself

Granniequeenie how utterly awful and just shows that even if the gossips know nothing they will make it up!

How fabulous that you got to find out though!!