He chucked my stuff out!!

If you are a bit of a hoarder (and it sounds like you are!), it might be very hard for your husband to live with the clutter. If he isn't a hoarder by nature, you may not appreciate how it feels for him . Forgive him, it was only a dog bed. If it was in such a state, it wouldn't have been very pleasant to repair either. He may also be dreading that you will bring your mum's possessions back to the house.

spabbygirl that's why he didn't have a posh bed - a canvas 'camp' bed with old duvets and blankets! Sadly he has gone to doggy heaven now.

You are not in my opinion being unreasonable. You have just lost your mother. DH may not be on your wavelength at the moment but stand firm. It is /was your choice what to do with the dog bed.

please go and talk to your GP or vicar maybe it sounds like this was the catalyst for what you are going through if he does this reguarly that is time to access whether there is a future or not but you first need to grieve and try to get back to some sort of normality. in grieving you go through stages of anger sadness denial etc

Very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, completely devastating.

Not a good time for your husband to throw away something of yours, but he may have thought that you had enough to contend with at the moment without thinking about sewing.

We are decluttering at the moment and I’ve thrown away a few things which, on reflection, I hope my husband doesn’t have a sentimental attachment to.

Glad your dogs are settled in their beds, I’ve got a lovely dog bed you could have as our dog definitely prefers the sofa or even the cat bed to his own lovely bed! ?

I totally understand spabbygirl. That dog bed was important to you and had memories. To throw it out while your mum was ill and dying was totally insensitive of your husband. He had no right and it shows a complete lack of respect for your feelings. Whether it is worth considering your marriage is another matter for when you are feeling less emotional about your mum. It sounds as if he isn't normally like this and is now repentant.

This may give some of us something to reflect on as I am sure there are many of us who have sneaked other people's long stored 'clutter' up to the tip.

My latest sin was to remove some branches from an overgrown, in my opinion, rubber plant my husban likes. I turned the pot around and many weeks later he still hasn't noticed.

If you have a large enough house then set aside one room that is yours alone to do as you like in, as that's probably how he sees the garage "his space" as many men do. Then your hobbies and memorabilia won't be in his way and his old junk won't be in yours lol. Keep it locked if necessary.

Get over it - it was a dog bed and sounds to me a bit of a wreck. You are being totally unreasonable.

So sorry about your mum. Regarding the dog bed, I'd have been annoyed too. It doesn't matter what condition it was in, it meant something to you and he should have consulted you before throwing it out. More the principle then the action,

Sorry to hear of your bereavement. Sending hugs.

I was having a stressful time - though not as stressful as yours, moving house - and when I had unpacked the boxes, I found he had taken some of by adult children's momentoes to the tip. The writing was on the wall.

Please don't do anything hasty. More hugs.

I would imagine your emotions will be ragged atm Spabbygirl but insensitive and disrespectful of him nevertheless. My parents’ much treasured wedding photos and my degree certificate both went the same way ......hmmm!

If you are horder. This might get worst with your mum passing. As grief can kick it into a hole new level.

'Sorry to hear of your loss - this is sure to make you feel exhausted, and as if every nerve end is jangling. Try to not take on anything at all until you feel stronger and calmer. Be kind to yourself, and if you can be kind to the dog bed flinger; he may well be regretting it now.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I know we sometimes have to make allowances for men but your DH should be sheepish. You did talk about the bed and you said he could put it in the garage. He was thoughtless. You might have let it go yourself later but that was not his choice to make and rotten timing.
I'm decluttering but would never throw away something that's not mine. It may be gathered and dumped in a pile in their space but that's all.
You'll be in a state for a while so allow yourself to flop and rest and leave everything that might be on your mind on a written list. Losing a mother is tough x

Sorry about your Mum.

I'm with you on this. Took me years to train husband not to throw stuff away, but it seems to be something men do. Worse here because it was YOUR STUFF.

I am glad you feel better about it all now

If DH often chucks your stuff out, then that is def an issue here. If it’s just the bed, then it’s your sad loss that’s making you oversensitive, give yourself time ?

Doesn’t the dog’s Bed belong to the dog and not you, surely the dogs belong to you both. Unless of course you sleep in the dogs bed.

I agree Marianne I am a bit confused OP said earlier:
‘we have 4 dog beds for our 5 dogs who are rather spoilt’
I think every dog should have a bed of it’s own.

but one dog bed got thrown out grannygranby …..
I am just thinking about having five dogs in such a small house as this

Sorry for your loss.
I think that probably both you and your husband were “right” each in your own way. The bed was “owned” by the dog and therefore belonged to both of you. You thought you could keep it and repair it, he was seeing only “ready for the bin”. He didn’t attach any significance to it, you did. Your reaction to it being thrown out would have been annoyance normally but gained huge significance due to your heightened emotional state? Probably merited a peeved discussion, soon forgotten, in normal circumstances but has produced an emotional response probably linked to your feelings of loss and grief. I would say try and get it into perspective and forgive, then forget.
Losing a parent is hard.

Anybody else wondering where the dog is actually sleeping?

Yes i agree with others- youve just lost your mum,youve a lot on youre plate right now.I know, i lost my mum almost 21 years ago and still miss her terribly.But please dont make any rash descisions regarding your hubby.youve enough to handle without a split/divorce as well! Its possible he thought he was geniunely helping,as he knew youve a lot on and may not have had time or inclination to get around to repairing dog bed too.lets face it how often have we all said "ill get round to it" over something but never really had time?Or even felt up to it?Is it the last straw as he doesnt appear to be helping you with real stuff you need help with from him,like your mums death&probate etc?Give him a second chance- Tell him he has to go out& replace dog bed with a new one,out of his own pocket- and the dog might thank you for it too!Then calmly thank him when hes got it.And sit down and ask him for any real help you need from him right now.Let him help you,as it doesnt get easier so soon after bereavement.But later on if YOU think you need it,then seek out a bereavement counsellor,and if you need him ask your hubby to go with you.Dont rush into anything.And dont let it overwelm you.

Treat the dog to a new one!

Yes Telly i did wonder where dogs sleeping,as if it was still on the old tattered bed he maybe wouldnt have just thrown it out?-also if he chucked it out weeks ago dog must have found a new comfy place to kip by now.