Gransnet forums


AIBU to want a new home and an expensive holiday?

(64 Posts)
HomeOrAway Wed 12-Sep-18 18:06:48

DH and I are in our early 60s, and thankfully we are reasonably fit and well. Several months ago, we booked a really exciting holiday for early January (a week in Lapland, complete with log cabin, husky sledging, snowmobiling etc, not to mention the possibility of the northern lights - just the two of us). It’s already an expensive trip, so we have opted for the cheaper early January time rather than Christmas or New Year. We’ve paid a £300 deposit, which we will lose if we cancel before the end of September, but if we cancel after that we will lose a lot more.

Since making the booking, my mother has become ill, and we have decided to move to her part of the country in order to give her more support (and maybe even care for her in our new home if it comes to that). So we now have the cost of the move to take into account, and all the related expenses like decorating, furnishing and so on. Technically we can still just about afford the holiday, but something seems very wrong about forking out that much on top of the move, and I don’t want us to suffer in the future as a result. On the other hand, we are now at the age where I have to question how much longer we will be able to do such things easily, so from that point of view I want to go ahead with the trip now. It has been going round and round in my head and I can’t come to a decision.

I realise that we are in a privileged position to even have the option, but we have worked very hard for our money over the years and we don’t spend on much else at all.

Would you throw caution to the wind and go, or be sensible and stay at home in the new house? I would really appreciate other points of view on this.

HomeOrAway Wed 12-Sep-18 23:30:07

Wow! So good to get all these different voices, thank you. Still mulling it over; I want to show all these responses to DH and then come to a final decision. I will post what we decide, of course. NotAGran55 - it is in Finland but further north than Luosto. Same kind of thing though, I'm sure.

baubles Wed 12-Sep-18 23:40:52

I found myself in a similar situation regarding moving house and holiday. Quite early in the year we had planned a three week holiday in Italy for September, I’d booked flights to get there and train tickets to the places we wanted to visit, so although I’d yet to book accommodation a fair amount of money had been spent. A couple of months later we decided to move house and long story short our house sold very quickly meaning we had to rent for a few months. I felt so guilty about the money we were spending that I seriously considered ditching the holiday. That would have been such a waste of money though that in the end we decided to go ahead with it and so I’m writing this from wonderful Venice, halfway through our trip.

That was a very long winded way of saying that I think you’d regret giving up your holiday. As others have said just go and enjoy the experience, we can only live for the day.

kittylester Thu 13-Sep-18 06:21:39

I think you'd upset an awful lot of grans if you didn't go! grin

Willow500 Thu 13-Sep-18 06:30:24

I would also say go. Your move seems to be set for Oct which is 4 months from your travel date - you'll need the break when it comes to it and as everyone says who knows what the future holds. Once you start caring for your mum it will be difficult to get away again - will you have care in place for the time you'll be away? I hope you make the right decision for both of you whatever it may be.

HomeOrAway Thu 13-Sep-18 11:10:38

Hello everybody! Thanks again for all of your replies. Last night I looked again at the holiday information and thought 'I have to do this!'. This morning DH and I read through all of your comments and he was also persuaded. As he said, if we don't go this time, we will want to go in the future, so we may as well keep our £300 and go while it is relatively easy. I really appreciate all of your thoughts, especially baubles, who so kindly took time out of her holiday in Venice to reply.

Missfoodlove Thu 13-Sep-18 11:56:18

Once near your mother you can possibly claim an attendance allowance for your mother and a caters allowance for yourself.
It’s not a huge amount of money but it’s not means tested and can make a big difference!
After years of working and paying tax it’s only fair you should get what is due to you.

JenniferEccles Thu 13-Sep-18 12:15:36

I think you have made the right decision. Holidays are the most wonderful things to spend our money on.

As regards moving to another part of the country to care for your mother, well that needs to be thought about very carefully. I wouldn't rush into that until I had considered all the alternatives.

lemonade Thu 13-Sep-18 12:31:10

hello Homeandaway
If I may add my tuppence to the unanimous vote here? go on your holiday and enjoy every minute. It sounds like you will be looking after your mum in the near future and this opportunity may not come up for some time. Can you make some economies elsewhere?

b1zzle Fri 14-Sep-18 14:18:39

Well done, HomeOrAway! It was obviously meant that you found a buyer and a house you like. Now go on that holiday in January and don't beat yourself up about it! Tell yourself you deserve it, because it's true! We none of us know what's round the corner and there's no point in spending the rest of your days (in your nice new house) wishing you'd had that lovely holiday! Go and enjoy while you can!

mabon1 Fri 14-Sep-18 14:43:01

Just go. I was widowed youngish and glad we went on those expensive holidays to far flung places, America, Canada, numerous African countries, all over Europe, including Ireland, together. I still go away but it's not the same as with your partner, just enjoy the time you have together, one of you will die first, no good having regrets.

Coconut Fri 14-Sep-18 15:04:03

Go Girl ! The future will take care of itself, you’ve the rest of your life to decorate ! None of us knows what’s round the next bend in life, illness, etc so live life to the full while you can. I went to Lapland with DD and GS and had the most amazing week, just fabulous.

Jaycee5 Fri 14-Sep-18 15:15:29

Take the holiday if you possibly can. I really regret not being well enough to travel and not doing as much as I would have like when I was younger and throwing too much of my time and energy into work.
It is a short time and you have been looking forward to it. It sounds as if you might have a difficult time ahead and you will face it more easily if you have had a break first.

Yellowmellow Fri 14-Sep-18 15:35:25

My dear mum's advice always used to be....go while you can...and want too. One of my friends is quite a bit older than me, and recently went on a long haul flight...which she says will be her last. She found the whole thing quite overwhelming.
Go and enjoy

Cobweb01 Fri 14-Sep-18 15:35:58

As someone who spent 4 years caring for both my parents, I urge you to go while you can, as the opportunity may never arise again. You will be caring for your mum for possibly a long time and it doesn't always leave much time for anything else - much as you love her it can be very hard and draining mentally and physically (depending on the reason for care and how much is needed, of course). Go, enjoy every minute,just the two of you, and then put all your energy into the move and your new life. Have fun and don't forget to always look afer yourself.

tigger Fri 14-Sep-18 15:39:01

As a friend used to say "just a short sharp pain in the wallet".

PECS Fri 14-Sep-18 15:46:38

Go! As my happy & well travelled friend says better to die owing a million than having it in the bank!

grandtanteJE65 Fri 14-Sep-18 15:57:18

Go and enjoy yourselves! If necessary use less on redecorating the new house. You can do so next year or the one after. And you can pick up a lot of good furniture cheap in charity shops, or at jumble sales.

B9exchange Fri 14-Sep-18 15:58:06

So glad you have decided to go, you really won't regret it. We have tried twice to see the Northern Lights and they have failed to appear, but the rest is unforgettable. On the dog sledding I hadn't realised my husband had lost control and fallen off (I was lying wrapped in furs on the sled in front of him) but the dogs just follow the others, and he did manage to climb back on. Snowmobiles through the snowy forest at night are again something you will never forget. Our reindeer had a mind of its own, but when all chained together, we followed the pack with the chin of the little reindeer pulling the sleigh behind resting on my shoulder. Our chalet was beautifully warm with its own sauna, the food was very good, you will come back really energised!

labazs Fri 14-Sep-18 15:59:13

if you dont go you will always regret it i am guessing your mother will be ok while you are away its still early days re looking after her if you can move and go on holiday go for it

Daisyboots Fri 14-Sep-18 16:04:42

Yes do go. You are the perfect age for travelling now. If you do end up looking after your Mother in your home it is likely to put a curb on travelling for a while. We had my mother live with us for 11 years which I dont regret but it certainly put a brake on our getting away to travel. She died when I was 70 but of course now it's more difficult to travel to some places. The travel insurance is so much higher now and we are not as fit as we were 10 years ago. I think I would love the holiday you describe too.

Kittye Fri 14-Sep-18 16:34:15

Sounds a fabulous holiday , you must go or I think you'll regret it in the future if you don't. Go and enjoy it.

Sallyann51 Fri 14-Sep-18 16:39:09

Go. Life is too short not to.

chrissyh Fri 14-Sep-18 16:52:16

Having, suddenly, just lost a very dear friend it has reinforced my and my DH's philosophy, that you do what you want, when you can, as tomorrow isn't promised. As you moved your mum near to you to give her more support, and with her health most probably worsening, you may not be able to go away later. You say you can technically afford it so go and have a brilliant time.

Caro57 Fri 14-Sep-18 17:10:23

Go - went on similar a while back - no Northern Lights but fantastic fun. You have the rest of your lives in a different home and a lot of work ahead of you - enjoy!!

NfkDumpling Fri 14-Sep-18 17:36:46

We went for one week on the Hurtigruten ferry trip last winter and saw the Northern Lights on the last evening. We would have stayed up if we hadn’t been travelling home the next day as apparently they get better as the night goes on. It was an incredible experience. The glow was all around us and gave a wonderful feeling of euphoric calm.