Relationship break up

Icanhandthemback it does seem strange, speaking to d today she admitted she is confused. The ex messaged her this morning they sent a few messages and then said bye. 5 mins later he messages her again and then said he was making him talk to her, d pointed out he was the one who had started up the 2nd conversation and he did apologize. I also think his mates who are all single have a lot to do with the break up and he is unable to stand upto them

The sad thing Vik65 is that he won't be a good catch if he can't stand peer pressure. At the moment my son is trying to be a good best friend and hoping. I am hoping that he spots someone else who will work with him as part of a team rather than pulling against him or competing. Sadly, they have to make their own mistakes. It is great that your DD can confide in you and I hope she continues to do so.

Yes I would prefer the second option too, here's hoping for both of them

I don't know how old your daughter is but if she's an adult she is old enough to decided for herself whether she has contact with this boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) or not. I must admit he seems a bit immature allowing his friends to be nasty over social media.

Sadly you can't make adult children do what you think is best for them, no matter how hard you try, and you will probably alienate them in the process. DD kicked out SiL after two affairs and leaving her very heavily in debt. You long to tell her he is a waste of space and she is far better off without him, but if they come to an amicable agreement, you will be shut out.

DD sees her ex several times a week, which is good for the children. They spend Christmases together, sometimes he joins her on her holidays with friends for a few days. He has got what he always wanted, no responsibilities, the part time family he can see when he wishes on his terms. DD always said when they split up that she wanted the sort of Prince Andrew/Sarah Ferguson arrangements, and I suppose she has got it, but it does mean she can never move on, though of course he is seeing other people.

Now he is saying he wants to keep talking to her till December when he will decide if he wants a relationship how do I make her see she is being used

But why on earth are you involved you seem to know every word that is passing between them It’s not your relationship Butt out, let her sort it out herself unless of course she’s 14

Let them get on with it , you will get no thanks for unwanted advice

Some posters are saying he is trying to control your daughter and perhaps they're right. However, could it be a case of they're still keen on each other and may get back together?

Would that worry you? Did he treat her well?

People do sometimes break up for a while and then get back together.

Vik65, it is really hard isn't it? Last weekend we had devastation because my DS's 'best' friend came around before she went to a party. My DS went out with his friends and in the morning called me to come to pick him up. As soon as I saw him, I just knew there was something wrong. As he got in the car he started to sob because she had messaged him to tell him that she'd been with another boy. She said it was a one off and still wanted to be friends to see if they would ever get back together.
He backed off but she's tugged him back again so last night he was feeling down because she still doesn't know what she wants and she's still in contact with this other lad. Tonight, they are out at the same party and I am really worried because he is obviously finding it all a struggle.
I just think she's stringing him along but all I can do is be there to pick up the pieces. I think the more I say against her or appear to be against her, the more attractive he'll become so I keep quiet. His father finds it a bit more difficult and is trying to encourage him to go out with other people but I see his face tighten whenever the DH starts talking about it. My DS knows I am here to talk to and I just hope staying neutral will make him more ready to do that when he needs to.

It is hard to see our adult children struggling for whatever reason. But they are adults and should be allowed to make their own decisions whether or not we feel its the right decision
We learn from our mistakes and we can't and shouldn't try to prevent sadness or hurt. Sadly life has ups and downs and everyone has to learn to deal with these.