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Trivial problem

(40 Posts)
Alexa Sat 13-Oct-18 13:13:42

One of my sons persists in cutting small branches off my trees although I've asked him not to do so. His ideas of pruning are not the same as mine and I really do care about my little trees. His former partner complained to me about this same thing. I have hidden the shears but the long handled shears are hard to hide. If only he would cut back the overgrown ivy instead but no it's the ornamental trees he feels need to be tidied up,even the ones that are supposed to droop and weep.

lemongrove Sat 13-Oct-18 13:15:24

Why is he doing this if you have asked him not to?
Say it again, a bit more forcefully, they are your trees after all.

BlueBelle Sat 13-Oct-18 13:17:59

Why would you let anyone in your garden to decimate your shrubs? Does he live with you ?
None of my children would dream of walking into my house or garden and start doing something that hadn’t been asked
Where are your boundaries ?

stree Sat 13-Oct-18 14:12:09

Make a bargain with him: For every cut he makes, you are allowed one on something of his........T- shirt in half, mouse cable, page from a book.etc.
But honestly, just exert your authority! Your property not his!

Baggs Sat 13-Oct-18 14:19:34

He needs a right rollicking. Any offspring of mine that did something like that would certainly get one. I like stree's idea.

sodapop Sat 13-Oct-18 14:25:11

Good idea stree you really need to be firm on this one Alexa I don't think resorting to hiding the tools should be necessary. I have perfected ' the look ' which my children and grandchildren know means business.

Jalima1108 Sat 13-Oct-18 14:35:43

Is he a tree surgeon - or a wood butcher as DH would call him?

Alexa Sat 13-Oct-18 14:49:56

Lemongrove, I have wondered why he does this. He also placed little mats at front and back door although I explained they are a hazard for my walking frame. This son is very sympathetic and affectionate and has been literally a life saver during my recent back injury. Everybody loves him.

Eloethan Sat 13-Oct-18 16:11:59

It sounds like he's a very nice man and he thinks he's being helpful but it is rather insensitive and patronising to, in effect, dictate what happens in your own house and garden.

Tell him more firmly that you want him to leave the trees alone. And you are right, little mats at doors are not a good idea for people who have mobility issues (of for anyone really as it's easy to trip on them). Just put them away somewhere.

Jalima1108 Sat 13-Oct-18 16:12:15

Has he got a woodburning stove?

sluttygran Sun 14-Oct-18 09:09:10

grin Jalima

sunseeker Sun 14-Oct-18 09:11:22

Thank him for "trimming" the trees, tell him you think they have been trimmed enough and would he please now start on the ivy

Saggi Sun 14-Oct-18 09:33:29

Your his mother ....remind him of his manners!!

morningdew Sun 14-Oct-18 09:35:56

put your foot down , if that was my son I would say jokingly f you persist in trimming my trees which I don't want I will be lopping off a certain part of your anatomy ,..., that should cure him ..

Barmeyoldbat Sun 14-Oct-18 10:25:23

You need to lay down the law and have a strong word with him or ban him from visiting until he obeys your rules. Like a naughty child springs to mind.

Jalima1108 Sun 14-Oct-18 10:27:31

morningdew shock grin

mabon1 Sun 14-Oct-18 11:05:03

Is he an horticulturist? if not tell him to leave things alone.

TillyWhiz Sun 14-Oct-18 11:16:30

Oh yes he is very nice as are most of our DSs but you're still his DM and he needs telling! Touch MY trees at your peril.

TheOldDear Sun 14-Oct-18 11:57:25

He sounds alarmingly like my partner, who does things like move the mat outside the back door several inches away from the door itself, so that you step out only half onto it and risk going flying. After 15 years in this house, I finally lost my rag the other day and tore the elastic band off the plug in the kitchen sink so that water actually stays in the sink instead of leaching away all the time. He was so shocked at my finally taking a stand that he’s left it like that. I’m tempted now to try it out on a few more of the weird things he does. : )

icanhandthemback Sun 14-Oct-18 12:07:03

My Mum's partner is a "nice" man whom everyone loves but he is like your doesn't make it any more irritating. It is a form of passive aggression if you ask somebody not to do something and they continue to nicely do so. Be appreciative about his help by all means but be assertive about things that aren't helpful.

ajanela Sun 14-Oct-18 12:15:53

Find an internet page by an expert explaining how to trim your trees and send it to him.

Legs55 Sun 14-Oct-18 12:55:31

No-one would touch my garden twice grin unless I gave specific instructions. DH even if I pointed out clumps of plants & said leave those alone they're not weeds would dig them up. He was banned from weeding except under my strict supervision hmm

You do need to be firm with DS & tell him not to touch smile

Jalima1108 Sun 14-Oct-18 12:57:17

DS weeded out all my carefully planted aster plants.
I tend to be an over-enthusiastic pruner.

jocork Sun 14-Oct-18 14:49:33

Send him round to me. There is nothing in my garden that doesn't need a trim! grin

GabriellaG Sun 14-Oct-18 15:10:19

I can't understand people who can't run their own lives. Do you just look on helplessly and go with the flow, even when he does stuff you object to? It sounds as if you're a doormat.
If you can't or won't assert yourself then nothing we say will change your son. Unbelievable.