A bit thoughtless ?

Until a year ago, I was also a long-distance GP, my nearest GC being 600 miles away and the farthest 8,000 miles away. My closest GC is now 80 miles away, which seems almost next door, compared to the others.

It hadn't occurred to me that my friends with local GC were being smug when they talked about their duties (one friend has 14 grandchildren!!) and I can't see how their not speaking of their busy lives would have made my life any better.

It is what it is and I try to make the most of it, valuing what time I do get to spend with the GC.

Good post Sue

Maybe we always see other peoples lives through rose coloured glasses If we have time we want to busy if we are busy we want more time xx and a hug

Funnily enough I was having a cuppa at a friend's this weekend and she has just become a grandma for the first time and her daughter lives 200 miles away,whereas mine is 5 minutes away.We had a lovely catch up,but I had to check myself when I found myself telling her how tired I was as I help out with DGD 2/3 times a week,plus work part time and clean and shop for my elderly mum -she refuses any 'outside help!Some weeks I'm on my knees .Tbh our little grandchild is a joy and I feel very lucky to see so much of her.But I hope I don't seem smug,and try not to grumble because I know some grannies would love to do more.But if I'm honest sometimes I envy the time-and money!- my retired friend has for holidays and hobbies.We all have pros and cons I guess.

That's a real shame for you. It must make you sad.

A good friend of mine would love to see her GS, but is estranged from the FATHER.... my friend's daughter had the boy (he's 11 now) and when the baby was 2 weeks old, the poor girl died suddenly. It was classed as SADS (Sudden Adult Death Syndrome), similar to a cot death. My friend raised the baby for 2 years (the father couldn't cope, understandably) and he needed to work. He saw the baby sometimes, but after a disagreement with my friend, he cut off all contact, moved house, changed his 'phone number, etc.

I have lovely times with my 2 GC and my sons, but I have to stop myself from mentioning anything I've done with them, to my friend. Sad.

its weird how there seems to be something of a competition about who spends more time with the GC and has a great time.
I haven't got any yet.....my inlaws were very disinterested and my own family is dysfunctional to say the least.

Sometimes things aren't as they seem Lucca. Hope you feel a bit brighter soon.

I understand that reading about what other people are doing with their grandchildren makes you feel sad that you are not, but there are many other areas where others seem to be on the greener side of the fence too. If no-one mentioned any of the happy times that they are experiencing in case someone else wasn't so happy, there would be far fewer posts to read.

Those of us who have lost a partner read about what couples are doing, and brace ourselves to going it alone, as do those who are caring for a loved one who is more work than we remember our babies being. Accounts and photographs of idyllic holiday destinations when someone is only going a day trip to Bognor, or not even that much, are tantalising. There are posts about what delicious meals people are cooking, which can be painful to those forced to be severely restricted in what they can digest.

Can you link up with your grandchildren by Skype or one of the other methods?

Yes I agree Elegran. I see a family member occasionally, who has a disease so she is almost housebound, very bad. A group of us all chat about what we've been doing since we last met, and I'm aware much of it is about trips we've done, holidays etc, none of which she can do. I try to talk about other things, like craft projects, films etc , which include her. I can imagine how she must feel, and don't want to leave her out or cause distress. People just chat about their own lives, no hurt intended.

Aw I don’t think most people mean to sound smug.

I too have grandparent duties and I love helping but I am very pleased that will reduce to only one day a week after Christmas. I adore my GC but after 2 days I am knackered.

Can you Skype your oversees grandchildren? Think what w good job you have done with your kids though that they are independent and resourceful adults who obviously have busy sucessful lives. That’s credit to you op.

We can only talk about our lives as they are and with so many GN members with such varying backgrounds, there can be very few life events that someone isn't going through at any given time.

If some people see virtue in being with their DGC all day every day, that's fine, and if others envy them - well that is their problem. Plenty of us do not, we are glad to be able to have freer lives to follow our other interests and spend time with friends and other family members

Some GN members provide daily childcare perforce, because both parents must work and cannot afford childcare and find it tiring and would be happier if they could do less.

Life is too short to be constantly seeking envy or experiencing it

Sorry you are feeling so low.
I am in the same position as yourself. We have a son and family living in Europe and a daughter and family 4 miles drive away.
To try and keep up to date with the families we Skype or Facetime, the technology is wonderful and we see the little ones growing up.
When are children move away often for work we have to accept this even though we would love them to be local to us.
Try and put something into your daily life that you enjoy doing or take up voluntary work. I did voluntary work at our local village mother and toddler group until it closed. I really enjoyed the contact with young mothers and their children.
We all have days when we are a bit low I do but that's life isn't it.

It isn’t smug to share what one does with partner or family. I am very isolated , no family near me, live alone. I read what others are doing with grandchildren, partners and just remember it use to be like that for me and am happy for them

Good post Annie

Annie

Interesting thread, and I think it illustrates the fact beautifully that when many are struggling with being down about something, perceptions can be wrong or misguided. I think we all need support at times, and it is so easy (myself included) to be a little "me me" at times.

So many struggle with so much and the replies on here I often find helpful in putting my own struggles into perspective. Thank you all.

I don't understand the OP, if you don't enjoy a thread don't read it. I would give anything to be allowed to see my GC but I don't for a minute begrudge those who do. I am happy for them.

There is always someone to envy if you look for them. I have a friend, she is 70, and she gets really fed up with people talking about their gcs, partners, acs etc because she doesn't have any but there is nothing she can do about it.

I am beginning to think it is true that some older people become very self focused and only see things from their own point of view. Sorry, if that sounds harsh.

But Lucca, you’ve told us you have a loving family, you have DGC you see fairly regularly, you have a social life and you are retired. All things that some posters would give their eye teeth for. It’s not smug for you to post about your circumstances, no more than it is for others to talk about theirs, unless they’re deliberately boasting. And after all, anyone’s world can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye. People you’re envious of today could be the ones you pity tomorrow.

Washer woman, get a carer for Mum. You deserve a life.

I hope you are feeling better now, Lucca. When you're feeling low an insensitive comment can just be the last straw.

I only have one GS, who I am bringing up. Sometimes, when I've been with a group who were all talking about the wonderful time they are going to have with their families and GCs over Christmas I've gone home in tears.

I'm not blaming them, or begrudging them their families. I know that some people are worse off but that doesn't stop it hurting.

I'm sending Lucca a big (((hug))).