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AIBU

Surprise Party Invitation

(64 Posts)
Grandmarnia Thu 22-Nov-18 21:26:17

If you received an invitation to a party headed "Surprise Party", would you assume that the birthday person did not know about the party and that it was err a surprise?
My husband attends a weekly art class and had a significant birthday on Tuesday. Invitations were emailed to all art class members from myself to attend a Surprise Birthday Tea this coming Saturday.
I have received some replies.
Today, my husband has come home from the art class asking me what is happening on Saturday? One bloddy woman has said "I've received an invitation to your house for a "do" on Saturday, are you looking for to it?"
I am so cross!
My AIBU is.. would I be unreasonable to email all the members again to say that I don't appreciate the Surprise Party now not being a surprise or do I ignore it.
Why would someone do this?
I have spent months organising this Surprise Party and have relatives travelling here, his old work colleagues are coming and I have managed to keep it all hush hush and now today this!

scrabble Fri 23-Nov-18 12:24:05

I hate surprise parties. A friend of mine walked into a surprise party for her 60th and said can I go home and change.

Nanny123 Fri 23-Nov-18 12:26:29

I would be gutted too.

My two daughters who were teenagers at the time arranged a surprise party for me with help from several of my friends. One of my “friends” got a bee in her bonnet about something and took it upon herself to phone me up and tell me what was going in. Luckily I didn’t let my girls know I knew about the big surprise.

I had to make sure I was surprised when they revealed on the day that we were going to a hotel for dinner and staying overnight (they had even packed me a bag)
And how surprised I had to look I was when I walked into the room where everyone was waiting for us.

I would never tell them that I knew the look of sheer delight on their face was priceless to me - but I have often wondered how I miss out on that thrill of being “surprised” on the day

Looking back I think my friend wanted to spoil the surprise.

Buffybee Fri 23-Nov-18 12:30:39

Some people are so dim!

FlorenceFlower Fri 23-Nov-18 12:38:34

Lots of good advice here, hope it’s helpful. But I don’t think I have EVER been to a surprise party that was a real surprise for the surprisee!

Although on reflection, there was one surprise hen night I went to, and the bride-to-be was an hour late as she had popped to the shops first and also a bit annoyed that her fiancée had been keeping the surprise from her!

Another friend’s husband arranged a surprise 50th party for her, and when asked if she had known in advance, said of course she did, how did anyone think that the house would have been so tidy and organised, with enough food, drink, etc, to go round?

I would let it go, your husbands friend was not being malicious, and I think that most people would like a bit of warning so that they can prepare themselves mentally AND get their very ‘surprised’ speech ready!

Hope it goes well, do let us know what happens, please. ???

amethyst67 Fri 23-Nov-18 13:12:05

My DH had no idea when we arranged a surprise party at home for him, in fact he had taken himself back to bed with flu. Panic set in, but we managed to dose him up, persuade him to get showered and dressed and come downstairs.
Thank goodness it was only 'man flu'.

I think your friend was just thoughtless and she will probably be feeling dreadful about it! I hope all goes well.

HellsBells Fri 23-Nov-18 13:12:23

My darling husband organised a surprise party for me - I did get wind of it partly by a so called friend asking me what i would be wearing - I think she did it on purpose! The week before an elderly friend said see you Saturday - his wife swiftly intervened telling him he had the wrong person - However it didn't stop my enjoyment as there were loads of lovely people i didn't expect to see so don't worry

NanaRayna Fri 23-Nov-18 13:19:57

I'd HATE a surprise party. When I get home I'm looking forward to putting the kettle on and making a visit to the bathroom while it boils for my 'putting my feet up' cuppa. Twenty or more friends and family making excitement when I want to breathe a sigh of relief and relax would be quite unwelcome!
Friends and Family - hope you are reading this!!

BBbevan Fri 23-Nov-18 13:32:42

I remember a surprise party we went to,years ago. We all hid in the kitchen with the lights out. The birthday boy came home with a dreadful migraine. He went straight upstairs to bed, bypassing the rest of the house. We all crept out and went home .

driverann Fri 23-Nov-18 13:51:28

We don’t like surprise parties normally but friends of ours invited us to one and we could not make out what it was for because they had both invited us and we knew it was not their birthdays. However the ‘surprise’ was on the 20 of us who attended and such a hoot the best surprise and party we have ever been to. We were all chatting away with drinks and laughing about not knowing why we were there, then after being told “you’re soon find out” the host and hostess went out of the room then came back a few minutes later completely naked!!! Telling us Just to let you all know “ We have come out as naturist” The look on some of the faces will stay with me for ever. Fantastic night the best party ever. I would add they are still very good friends of ours.

Urmstongran Fri 23-Nov-18 14:10:16

Oh my. I’d have felt mortified sitting there in my party clothes trying not to look. 2 naked people in a room full of clothed people! Gosh. Exhibitionists or what? Couldn’t they have just told you all?

BlueBelle Fri 23-Nov-18 14:19:34

I too have never had a surprise party well on my 60th a small family do that I didn’t know was happening but am not big on surprises either I m someone who likes to be prepared and in the know
Like others I m sure she didn’t mean to let your secret out I think it would have been a good idea on your original email to have underlined Don’t forget this is a secret but of course that’s with hindsight
My grandaughter is arranging some short videos to put together for her mums forthcoming, birthday and sent me an email saying ‘don’t tell mum or even dad’

BlueBelle Fri 23-Nov-18 14:22:12

Gosh Driverann I wouldn’t have liked that party embarrassing if you ve all got clothes on and even more embarrassing if they asked everyone to take theirs off I ve never really been to any surprise parties they don’t seem to happen amongst my group of friends

Witzend Fri 23-Nov-18 14:23:14

I have a Big birthday coming up and although I didn't want any fuss, and said so, I knew the family would think otherwise, and so worked out a plan that would not involve too much travel/expense for far flung family.

Told dh today of my plan - he said it's already sorted! He and dds have put their heads together and I've been told of their arrangements, which do sound v nice, and will mean seeing far flung family we don't see v often at all.

The only thing I'm insisting on, is No Presents! Presence is ample. I don't need or want anything, and certainly don't want anyone racking their brains.

annep Fri 23-Nov-18 14:24:48

BBevan. funny! ( although obviously not the migraine)

Willow10 Fri 23-Nov-18 15:08:56

I've just had anbinvitation for a party in January. After seeing this I've just re-read it to make sure its not a suprise party! Its so easy to just skim over the words but not actually take in all the details, so maybe it was a genuine mistake. We can all be a bit dim sometimes!

Willow10 Fri 23-Nov-18 15:09:55

And we can all mistype sometimes too!confused

VIOLETTE Fri 23-Nov-18 15:22:01

H ha ! stick a note on the gate on the proposed time for guests to arrive saying in very large letters SURPRISE ! NO ONE IS IN ...BUT THANKYOU FOR KEEPING IT A SURPRISE ! and book a table just for you and hubby somewhere nice (and don't forget to set the surveillance camera before you go out !)

CarlyD7 Fri 23-Nov-18 15:39:55

My brother-in-law did something very similar when he let it slip that we were arranging a surprise Golden Wedding anniversary party for his parents. We were very disappointed that he had and quite annoyed with him. However, a year later we found out that he had early-onset dementia and this is why he can no longer keep secrets. You don't know why this person let it slip - but it was unlikely to be malicious. Let it go - his major enjoyment will be in the party itself, and not the surprise (which is only a small part of it).

newnanny Fri 23-Nov-18 16:03:24

I would have thought a surprise party was obviously meant to be a surprise. I would be furious too. At least your dh will be surprised to see old colleagues.

Chucky Fri 23-Nov-18 16:13:03

It was almost certainly just a slip of the tongue and she is probably feeling very bad about it now, so don’t make her feel any worse by saying or doing anything or she will probably be too upset to come. No point in upsetting his art class friends, what’s done is done. If you make too big a thing about it and upset her there is a fair chance that it will backfire on you with these friends. I am sure your husband would not want anyone being upset over this innocent mistake.

Magrithea Fri 23-Nov-18 16:24:43

If he doesn't know of all the other arrangements then don't say anything. A gentle reminder to the art class wouldn't go amiss!!

Madgran77 Fri 23-Nov-18 16:26:20

I'm afraid some people just don't get the subtleties!! Unless you say in large letters "This is a secret; please do not mention it to ..." then it just doesn't dawn on them. I have learnt that the hard way!!

lilihu Fri 23-Nov-18 17:04:21

Perhaps she thought the “surprise” element meant she was getting a surprise invitation?
As others have said, there’s always one!

GreenGran78 Fri 23-Nov-18 17:05:56

I'm not much of a party person, and would hate to have people leaping out from behind the curtains, shouting "Happy Birthday".
I will be celebrating the big 8-0 next summer. The family were planning to get together, either here or in Australia to celebrate. However, my daughter has announced that she is getting married in Oz next November. I told them that we can defer the birthday celebrations 'til then. It's far too expensive to get together for both.
However, my other daughter, who lives locally, mysteriously told me to keep my whole birthday week clear! She refuses to say any more, so heaven knows what she has planned! I've told her that I refuse to fly to Oz for just one week.

Marthjolly1 Fri 23-Nov-18 17:14:18

This is a real shame. Not sure if I'd let it go or send a polite email as a reminder of the surprise as Doramar suggests. I hope you and everyone else has a really good time.
And please God don't let anyone organise a surprise party for me. I'd hate it.