To wear what I like for Christmas?

Well, I know how you feel. I too prefer to dress nicely for Christmas dinner, but after that remark from your daughter, I imagine that you will feel uncomfortable whatever you do.

In your place, I would be glad the remark was made now, rather than two days before Christmas, so I had time to get over my hurt feelings.

Surely your choice doesn't have to be between a nice dress and jeans?

In your place I would consider wearing a skirt and blouse, slightly less jewellery and perhaps waiting to have a hair-do until just before New Year.

Depends on the atmosphere you are trying to create. If just close family with children then comfortable newish chilling out clothes with a Christmassy theme or a lovely cashmere sweater and stretchy trousers. People feel as if they are in the family 'nest'.
If it is a more formal thing then making an effort perhaps shows respect to the hosts who will have gone to considerable efforts to make the house and meal look wonderful.
I suspect your daughter may be getting a bit tense with the whole Christmas preparation duties. With all the shopping for presents , sending cards, buying in more food than anyone can eat and everything to organise and worrying about paying for the whole thing. We've all been there.
Try not to feel hurt, wear something beautifully comfortable and tell your daughter what a good idea it is to go for the chilled out approach. Have a large glass of something special and relax.

Speldnan Re your comment, daughter claims never seen you look a mess.? How patronising of her. There is no such thing as luck in having a close bond with ones relations, as one GN makes reference to.It come from respect and which so many fail to acknowledge is the right to opinions and choices , be they right or wrong.

I always bring out my best best dinner service, linen napkins and best cutlery for Xmas or if whole family is dining together as for me that makes it a special occasion. My dc just accept this as normal.

I do remember a friend who always had her MIL and FIL to stay over for a few days at Christmas, and they were so formal in their attire that it added a certain ‘stiffness’ to the day, she said they sat around as if they were waiting to go to a ‘do’ ( a bit of a do ) at the golf club.

I get up early and make breakfast and get turkey in then go to shower and dress up. We do Xmas in my house and my dc all wear smart casual. My dd wears Xmas jumper or tunic top. Your dd maybe did not think before her comment slipped out. If she wants to wear jeans that is fine but she should not be making you feel uncomfortable. A good hostess males all guest feel welcome and comfortable. I would remind her of this.

We all love dressing up and as I cook the Christmas dinner , I keep the family traditions going and the best China and silver come out for an annual airing . If I go to any relatives houses for family gatherings I always ask what everyone else is wearing as I don’t want to appear inappropriately dressed. If my DD asked me to dress more casually I would do so . However , that can still be done stylishly !!

It's horrible to have to constantly think of your clothes. Will the dog leave hairs on your outfit, will someone spill wine, will gravy drip or sticky fingers leave a mark?
That's the last thing you want to think of on a hectic day. High heels, jewellery catching on baby's face, tights laddering? Oh no. Comfy casuals can look Christmassy and smart and you can enjoy the day without worrying about your outfit.

grapefruit - who exactly is the 'everyone'? Do your daughter's in-laws go, and are they dress-downers? If so, your daughter is probably trying to please them. Maybe you could just say that you yourself would feel uncomfortable in casuals. Personally I cant see why what another person would wear could possibly make me feel uncomfortable, so I think someone is being overly sensitive, but there's just a chance that your daughter may feel that the way you approach Christmas at hers gives her some anxiety that maybe she can't live up to the experience you provide at yours. Really - I think you need to ask her.

I sympathize totally, grapefruit. I always dress up a bit on the day, as it's special to me for several reasons and I just like nice clothes and sparkles, to make a change from the dreary everyday! I would be mortified if my children said that to me. Be yourself - it's the others who have the problem.

What a silly thing to worry about, do what's right for you.

I'm wearing a red check button blouse from H&M (in the sale) and navy leggings with sparkly sneakers on Christmas day plus my walking boots and parka for our post Christmas lunch walk (which usually ends in a pub)
If we go out in the evening I will take a 'going out' outfit to change into.

The first time we visited Xs family for Christmas we just took normal clothes with us, an hour before lunch they all dissappeared and came back dressed to the nines.
Full make-up, party frocks, high heels the lot. The children in posh frocks too. All new and just bought for that one day.
Even the men were in suits and ties.
We felt just a little under dressed X is an aging hippy and looked very odd in the photos.
More money than sense to my point of view.

I dress the top half up, jeggings on bottom half! You could do that as a compromise but make sure you’ve got a pair of ‘Bet Lynch’ style huge, dangle earrings on to make your point! Alternatively one of those joke light up tiaras could also make the point with humour! X

I agree jenpax about the cutlery my late MIL always got the silver cutlery out and the best china for Christmas. But times have changed I guess however I would never deign to tell either my mother or my daughter what to wear in any occasion. I think it’s rather rude and would be so upset if my DD did that to me.

I like to dress up, usually a nice pair of trousers and a nice blouse, I got a nice one from tu this year with dogs on with Christmas hats. I don’t wear long sparkly dresses or skirts but if that’s what others want to then that’s fine, we all have our own style. I also have some nice jewellery which I wear.
Incidentally I wear jewellery every day, does anyone else.
My earrings and I have a few chains that are just small ones .

While I usually agree with most of GNs I'm taken aback by some comments encouraging you to be offended and do and wear what you want. You are so lucky to have that close bond and invitation for Christmas, me too, but I always feel so sad when reading on this site the estrangements of some parents from offspring and more cruelly, beloved grandkids. Especially at this special Christmas season here's a big hug and from me to them.
Her house, her rules (in this case suggestion). Don't take umbrage, lower your standards - it's a different age, more relaxed mores. Loosen up and enjoy yourself is my humble advice. And have a wonderful day.

I have always dressed up for Christmas Day, it was just what we did growing up?but I realise things generally are much more casual now.
We hardly ever use our posh cutlery for example these days, and it makes me a bit sad, as I do love a bit of razz ?

I always like to look smart on Christmas Day, but in comfort too as I like to be able to play with the grandchildren and their new toys. It wouldn’t do to be worrying about designer clothes when playing Pie Face!

These daughters! I have one who is quite opinionated but one of the nicest things she ever said to me was that she’s never seen me look a mess. After she had her 2nd baby I went to her house in tracksuit and no makeup and she seemed quite surprised to see me like that. As for Christmas we all always make an effort even if it’s only a special top. The thing I remember most about Christmases in the 60s when growing up is that we all put in our best clothes and my parents were always nice to us kids and each other for the whole day with no arguments. I’ve been trying to recreate those times ever since.

My Dd and myself always dress up for Christmas Day and I have never seen my Ddil less than immaculate and gorgeous.
The men-folk are usually well scrubbed but in jeans/trousers and tee shirts/shirts.
The teens are in ripped jeans and the little ones in whatever they want.
Of course, I wear a sparkly top, no-one minds.

I always dress up. I think it goes back to childhood when we dressed up to go to church and then my father took us visiting to relatives while my mother cooked Christmas dinner. Although it was always dad who had to get up early to prepare the bird and put it in the oven.

Given that your daughter has asked you not to dress up, as it makes others feel uncomfortable, I would tone it down somewhat. I think it’s a bit sad and silly of others to feel uncomfortable simply as a result of how someone else is dressed, but our young adult children have their standards don’t they? ?

I would not take her comment to heart as people these days do tend to dress more casual than they did years ago. Remember those stiff collars, shirts and ties and hats. Depending on your humour levels, I would probably go dressed as Santa or in a Christmas onesie or jumper. Enjoy!

There is a phrase that amuses me called "Smart Casual", where you wear casual clothes that are also a step or two up from leisure wear.
Be smart, wear your best, be comfortable, and enjoy your day.
I have half a wardrobe of clothes I almost never wear because they're "too dressy"!!!! And not a pair of jeans in sight, (hate them!).