Nobody Wants Her

Thanks for the kind words, Nams unfortunately we moved away from our own family, our other daughter is great but she has one year old twin girls so it's difficult to lean anywhere.

However, the little one is going there on Thursday night which will be good !....albeit we'll be in bed by 8

I’m not posting during Lent, well I’m trying not to. Just saying hello. I hope the paternal grandparents can be reliable and supportive.
How did the Disneyland trip go, thst was good to involve your daughter, I hope it worked well xx

Hello Iam64,

Thanks!

I didn't go, the little one loved it mostly, it was extremely tense at times between my wife and my daughter as I expected for lots of complicated reasons.

Court tomorrow, we've been advised we should get a temporary residency order until the SGO is finalised which will be good albeit the whole thing is still surrounded by much sadness in all honesty...

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow ?

Wishing all goes well for you all tomorrow

Good luck tomorrow GrandadGarage hope it all goes well ?

We've now got PR via an order in the Court this morning and we should have our SGO in place by July.

It was extremely sad sitting next to our D in court with her agreeing to basically giving her away...

However, that's one box ticked off thankfully

I appreciate the mixed feelings but it’s good to know you now have PR and that the SGO is on line. Your daughter is doing her best by her little girl in doing what’s best for her, that takes love and hopefully h will help your granddaughters questions over the coming years. Loving families x

GrandadGarage what a sad and worrying tale. I am so sorry your daughter has gone off the rails but how dreadfully sad for your little granddaughter that her parents selfishness and addiction means she is basically uncared for. Thank goodness for you. A child needs stability.

What a challenge for you and how lovely that you were there for your granddaughter during her early years. Having her full time and bringing her up would be a huge challenge for most grandparents, but what can you do?

I am so angry that irresponsible people become parents. Their selfishness knows no bounds and they are producing damaged adults of the future who will lack the so important nurture and care foundations necessary in childhood. Saying you love a child is so different from the self-sacrifice required in putting that child and it's welfare first.

I do hope that social agencies can help you and I am so sorry that you are in such a heart-breaking predicament.

Apologies GrandadGarage I see after reading on that an old thread has been updated.

You are a star. I feel so relieved that your little granddaughter will have a stable life with her grandparents.

It is not something grandparents expect to do and as you say, you have the 24/7 worries and joys when most grandparents have just the happy times with their GC. It is tough so I hope you can get some respite too.

Our own children never stop being our children even when they mess up or bring trouble to the door as adults. We never stop worrying about them, do we, and it is worse when they lose their way and are living lives that are horrific.

I wish you all a happy outcome. Well done and good luck.

I feel really moved after reading that last 4 months of your family’s life. You’re wife (well, both of you) must feel quite traumatised to watch the path in life your daughter has taken. I am amazed how you have kept the lines of communication open. I don’t think I could have coped. I admire you and your wife tremendously.. I’m so pleased you’re DGD has got such amazing GPs. You are her rock. You’re whole family will remain in my thoughts and I send you lots of good wishes.??

Grandadgarage, you and Mrs.Gg are to be congratulated on all the love and support you are giving to a troubled little girl. With you both, your DGD has a warm, loving and stable family. (Without you, I think there might be a very different outcome for her.) Wishing you all every happiness for the future.

Iam64 is making a very important point that will hopefully help your granddaughter in years to come. She can be taught that mummy couldn't keep her little girl safe so she wanted her to be with you, who love her very much, and will always take care of her.

And of course that's true - whatever your daughter's motives she acknowledges that her daughter will have a better life with you than with her. I admire what you are doing and hope that the joy this little girl brings you over the coming years will compensate for life having taken a turn you didn't ask for or want.

Thanks for the kind words GA, David, Specs, Day6 & Iam64; we do read and appreciate them all.

So just an update here,

The SGO is on track which is good,

We do have dilemma with the Father, he is supposed to see our GD every 2 weeks which was ok for March, then at the end of April he missed a weekend without getting in touch; he finally got in touch on Friday so I pointed out he'd not seen her for a month now following which he sent me dogs abuse about my daughter being a "cokehead, hooker, going to a solicitor, everythings gonna change, f#ck the social worker" etc not quite sure how that's related to him not seeing his daughter for a month...

So on the same text on Friday he asked for her Sunday to take her to a party which I agreed, we've heard nothing since and I'm totally disgusted as we told him at the beginning we wouldn't accept people drifting in and out of our GDs life.

My difficulty is cutting it dead early, our GD rarely asks for him; she's barely seen him in 4 years, we did arrange contact 2 years ago with him but the weekly dogs abuse and threats we used to get I had to stop as it was making me ill, I only put up with it so my GD could see her Father - I think because my own Father disappeared when I was 3 I felt some strong sense of importance to it but I'd had enough so we had to cut him off via a solicitor

This time, very very quickly I've reached the same point however it's not the abuse that bothers me it's now the fact that she's our full responsibility and it's unfair him coming in and out when he feels like it, he makes no effort; we do all the dropping and picking again not for him but so she can see her Dad.

We feel we should cut this off quickly now; this was his time to prove his commitment and already it's failing.

Outside of that we just re-decorated the room she sleeps in so it's all want she wants with new bed and wallpaper - someone suggested here a while back and she loves it.

If anyone has any comment I'd be grateful

best wishes.

I think your daughter has to be left to her own devices, I would not go down the road of giving her a home, you would be, in effect, enabling her to carry on her lifestyle. She must reach rock bottom first before she climbs out of the mess she has gotten herself into, she's done it before and can do it again. This little girl needs a stable and loving home - which you are providing for her, hats off to you and your wife for doing so. Incidentally , I know many grandparents in similar position to you, it seems to be an imcreasingly common proble. I would also seek legal guardianship of this little girl x

Hi GG - am new to this forum so only just seen your thread.

From what I understand, you and your wife have parental responsibility? Not joint with either mother or father? Am I correct?

There is, therefore, no reason you have to put up with the father's unreasonable behaviour. The child's best interests must be paramount. Some may say, seeing parent(s) at any cost is in a child's best interests but I disagree such as in this case.

Obviously I don't know exactly all the ins and outs but from what you have said, I would tell the father you are not arranging any more visitation (owing to his unreliability). If he kicks off - tell him to take it to court!
He MAY get visiting rights if he ticks the right boxes at the time but these will be set in stone. If he fails to comply - well speaks for itself!

Do either of them pay you maintenance? Just wondering but you don't have to answer.

Good luck...your little girl is lucky to have such sensible devoted grandparents.

Ooops GG - you might have already said that! Ignore me!!! (note to self MUST learn to read!!!)

Still following the story, GG. So pleased to see the plan is coming together for this little girl. Best wishes to you and your family

I don’t feel qualified to offer anything but sympathy and congratulations on stepping up to the challenge. Your GD is lucky to have you.
It’s good to have updates.

Hello there GrandadG. Thanks for the update it's good to read the SGO is on track. Usually, the SGO will set out the plans for contact to the child's parents and other significant adults. The key thing is the relationship between the child and those adults.
I'm sure you and your wife will continue to do the best you can so far as the relationship between your granddaughter an her mother is concerned.
You ask about the father. Given that at the start of these proceedings, your granddaughter hadn't had the regular, loving and consistent contact with her Daddy that would lead to ongoing, regular, unsupervised contact, my impression is you've rightly been entirely focussed on her need for a relationship with her father. His behaviour has to set the pattern for future contact. Have you discussed that with the sw? In her shoes I'd be suggesting something like 6weekly or maximum monthly direct contact. I'd expect the father to phone an hour before the agreed contact session to confirm he'll be there. I know this means you can't prepare your granddaughter in the ideally for contact but it also protects her from being let down.
The abusive texts form evidence of his instability. Is he a drug user ? PM welcome if you want to .

Thanks for update GrandadGarage, cannot offer any advice re your little granddaughter’s father I’m afraid but am glad SGO is on track and your granddaughter is flourishing. Probably been said loads of times before but well done to you and you’re wife for stepping up

Hi Tedber,

As alwasy it's complex, he's not somebody you can sit down and have a conversation, he's "inner city" no education, no job and all that goes with it and i'm not judgemental by any means I grew up in a council flat with my mUm.

So everything I've tried which is for his benefit alwasy fails because he doesn;t like rules or organised routines even simple stuff like if you want her on a saturday let me know on Friday the time so we can be ready; then we don;t hear then he texts about 11 (when he gets out of bed) asking is she's still coming however the little girls been up since 6/7, by 10 she's bored and if I've not heard anything we take her out.... and then we get the "you're stopping me seeing my daughter, you're this you;re that" bla bla it's exhausting trying to help him and he's been threatening to take us all to court for 3 years.... that's probably my answer really

He's paid nothing since she was born, my daughter sends money every week and regularly takes her places and spoils her.

thanks for your messages and the other lovely folks who replied - i appreciate it

God Bless

Thank you for sharing. The stability you’re trying to give your GD will be her rock in future years. When she is middle aged and you are no longer around she will reflect on the support, love and stability that you and your wife gave her. You are doing your best to provide what is missing in her little life. My heart goes out to you all. Keep strong.

Took the difficult decision to cut the father out at the weekend, we'd agreed he would see her every 2 weeks, we even did all the running about so they could see each other, he missed a week with no pre-warning, he then said he was taking her out Sunday last so we got her all ready and he never showed or contacted then gave me dogs abuse which is normal whenever you pick him up on his failings.

Desperately sad about it, tried on and off for 4 years and now our GD is alot older she's very intelligent and understands and feels these let downs.

It was made easier by the fact she barely knows him and never asks for him, it was made harder by the fact we had to make the decision knowing we felt like we were taking her Dad away from her despite everything and also it's not like she will ever have the opportunity to have a step Dad.

I'll never understand Dads not prepared to fight tooth and nail to see these little things they so easily create...

Feel a little sad today I must admit.