Why would people do this?

My old school friend has been married and divorced and now has a new partner but I didn't like to ask if she's married to him or not. I don't even know his surname as their cards arrive signed by both first names! Every year I struggle to address their card. Just putting first name and address would really help!

"only rabid feminists insist on keeping their maiden names"
"use what name you like, what does it matter"

Which of those two statements do you believe Gabriella. On reflection don't answer, I think we all know what you mean and also your intention which is to irritate "rabid feminists'.

I rarely put Mr or Mrs on an envelope more like John and Jane Smith. Do you think your two friends left your surname of the envelope because they had forgotten it? Sometimes I forget names and have to trawl through my diary to remind myself, even if they are people I have known for years.

Tanith ?

My goodness....I hadn’t realised there was so much to say about names. Or how strongly individuals feel about the issue.
Thank you all for raising my awareness.
Couldn’t we simply call/address each other by whatever name one chooses to be known as?
I have been married twice, never changed my name and was absolutely stunned when I got divorced that I was required to sign the papers in a married name I had never used!
I was equally stunned at being ‘unfriended’ on Facebook by my husbands nieces when I asked quite politely, I thought, why a modern young woman would change her name on marriage......seems I was guilty of insensitivity or something. I think it is very easy to accidentally upset others quite unintentionally.

Good grief, women who choose not to take their husbands name are rabid feninists, women who choose to take their husbands name are ‘s’ whatever that means .

At least we have a choice .....I’m not sure if the men feel they have a choice.

How strange, why would anyone do that? I'm a widow and everyone still writes my married name

I never realised queenie is a rabid feminist ?

Poor old men, Mumsyface. If they wanted a choice they'd have said so long ago.

Like you, Annie, I’m still puzzling over “s”.

But you don’t need to. Families can choose a new surname for everyone. Or use the mothers surname. Why does it have to be the fathers surname?

Bellanonna we will have to wait for the poster to explain. ?

I think the most important thing is to address someone by their name. Ie the name they wish to be called. My daughter has both mine and my husband’s surnames, and I have to say I find it rude that his relatives always call her only by HIS surname. It is not her name! We’ve told them again and again and still they use the wrong name. In 7 years they have never used the correct name. And they constantly call me Mrs (husbands name). Drives me up the wall! So rude! I understand the generational issues but I think knowingly addressing someone by the wrong name is the height of rudeness!

Actually, FarNorth, I do know one man who admits to having taken his wife’s name on marriage. Apparently his family name was ‘Bustard’ like the bird.

My friend sometimes regrets taking her husband’s surname. Instead of being Pat Williams she is now Pat Down.
Does anyone else know of similar amusing combinations?

Rabid feminists? Dear me.

A lot of professional women are known by the name that they started working using.

Anniebach take no notice.

What does one do about the name on one’s degree and other professional qualifications if one has changed one’s name?

Very odd indeed. I have been widowed for 10 years and this has never happened to me. What is the matter with people?

Oh*Tanith*i am so very sorry to hear about your awful loss., I well remember your posts on the childminding boards a while back. You were so supporting and kind. to you and sincere condolences xx

I think that in many countries women keep their name when married-Both my daughters here in Germany, kept their own name and in one family the children have mother's name and in the other the father's name.

Being called Mrs John Smith is ridiculous in this day and age

First anniversary of my husband’s death is Boxing Day and I agree about the name thing, had different cards different ways but most upsetting was from someone I knew in my teens and we now just exchange cards once a year,her card inside was for both of us,really pulled me up sharp.
I hope you manage through your first Christmas without him

I really regret that I was shoved into changing my name when I married. I should have kept my own and added the other to it.

I am wondering if it is too late to do so now.

No it isn't too late muffin. You can just do it, tell people that's what you want to be known as. it's probably wiser though, to do a formal name change document with a solicitor. It won't cost much - maybe Mr muffin could treat you for your birthday.

I had the surname XYS until I married when I took DH name ABC but decided , for a variety of reasons to use my mother's given name, MNO, as my second name when I was in my late 30s. I have been using my chosen name longer than any other now. Cost me about £17 at the solicitor to officially change it!

Thanks for all the kind thoughts I have a good family around me don’t know what I’d do without them.