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AIBU

and what did you give?

(121 Posts)
watermeadow Tue 25-Dec-18 19:09:17

I choose presents for my family with care, hoping they’ll all be pleased. Every Christmas there are several disappointed faces and others who tell me outright that it’s not anything they’ll use or appreciate. Today’s included, “They're rip-off merchants, you can get this much cheaper anywhere.”
“That’s a bit feminine for him.”
“I’ve never used one of these, I don’t need them”
“Where did you get it so I can change it?”
I’m tired of wasting money on unwanted presents but I suppose it’s better to know that what I gave was unsuitable.
Next year I’d better ask for a shopping list from everyone.

Luckygirl Tue 25-Dec-18 19:15:05

Just ask them what they would like to receive.

Grammaretto Tue 25-Dec-18 19:19:39

Sorry to hear this. My DD didn't like or want the "useful" gift I gave her so I'll use it myself.

DGD loved the art materials she got and gasped with joy!

The others seemed quite pleased and everyone was happy except the baby who fretted and cried. Teeth!!

Grannyben Tue 25-Dec-18 19:20:49

I've always asked mine what they would like for their main present.
Then, I just top up with pjs etc that i do pick myself

SueDonim Tue 25-Dec-18 19:22:24

I like to have a rough idea of what my recipient would want or enjoy so I can buy something appropriate but I can't think of any of them who would be so rude as to make the sort comments you've received, Watermeadow.

I'd be rather tempted to buy them a book on good manners next year.

grannyactivist Tue 25-Dec-18 19:22:27

My adult children each received a cheque, with the advice that it was for a professional family photography session, unless they had something they would rather buy instead. I also got them each a rather nice stocking filler - all very well received. My parents in law got a voucher for a weekend in a good hotel in their favourite holiday town - they are thrilled. The Wonderful Man got new wetsuit boots that he chose himself so no complaints there. The children’s gifts were chosen with great care and got ecstatic receptions from both youngsters and their parents.

I think the recipients of your gifts sound rather ungrateful and possibly rude. Even if I was given something really grim I would find something positive to say (then quietly pass the offending item on perhaps).

Chewbacca Tue 25-Dec-18 19:24:00

The rudeness of some people never ceases to amaze me. I'm afraid watermeadow, that the first time the recipient of one of my gifts said any of those things, would be the last time they received anything from me. A smile; a thank you very much; and being polite enough to be gracious is common courtesy. Save your money next year and treat yourself to something special.

Greyduster Tue 25-Dec-18 19:37:42

I would never be so rude about a gift! DH bought me a book on photography which, unbeknown to him, I had looked at at the library and decided it wouldn’t be very useful, but I was so pleased he had thought of it that I will make what use I can of it. As chew says, common courtesy.

Marydoll Tue 25-Dec-18 20:03:28

I gave my friend a beautiful shawl/throw from M&S... or so I thought.
She messaged to ask why I had given her a black gent's zipper jacket, size large.
Who knows where the throw is. I certainly don't!!! confused, grin

Dh is also asking where the football picture I picked up at the Edinburgh meet. I can't find that either!

Bellanonna Tue 25-Dec-18 20:10:32

Too much pre-festive poteen marydoll. 🙂

Chewbacca Tue 25-Dec-18 20:15:33

grin love it Marydoll!
Makes me feel better about the time that I mixed up 2 parcels: one was a set of Irish linen placemats and napkins for a friend and the other was a baby outfit for my sister's first child. Sister was hmm as to why a 4 month old would want placemats and napkins. Strangely enough, my friend didn't comment on receiving the baby outfit until I mentioned it!

etheltbags1 Tue 25-Dec-18 20:48:02

I gave my mother a bee hotel as she is intetested in wildlife and i added sweets etc. Dd just wanted pjs and a bottle and of course i splashed out on creative toys for arty dgd .

oldbatty Tue 25-Dec-18 21:05:08

are you new to GN please watermeadow?

janeainsworth Tue 25-Dec-18 21:10:22

My DGS made my day.
I always give money to the parents & just little presents to the children.
One of DGS’s was a little wooden boat that I had bought in a museum somewhere in the States. It cost a few dollars. You wind something up and it speeds through your bath.
DGS came to me specially to tell me it was his very favourite present tchgrin
watermeadow I’m sorry you had that reaction from your family. Perhaps better to just give them money in future? I know it seems impersonal and perhaps even mercenary, but if they are so hard to please maybe that’s what they deserve.

Marydoll Tue 25-Dec-18 23:35:42

oldbatty, watermeadow isn't new. He/she has been posting for at least a year.

Maggiemaybe Wed 26-Dec-18 00:01:02

I’ve mentioned on another thread that I was given an LED colour-changing Batman head that I was told the DGS had chosen to thank me for looking after them. Turns out the presents had been mixed up and DGS2 was a bit bemused this morning to receive a violet scented candle from his cousins. They’re making me give Batman back. tchshock

Borntosew Wed 26-Dec-18 06:15:03

There are just no excuses for downright rudeness, ingratitude, or bad manners. Sorry, but your family don't deserve your kindness. Next Christmas give them each a card telling them you have made a donation to your favourite charity in their name, and if they dare to question that, your response is that they never liked what you chose for them, so you hoped they would appreciate your generosity to people less fortunate than them.

craftergran Wed 26-Dec-18 07:13:39

Marydoll I laughed out loud. Also Maggiemaybe made me chuckle about having to give the batman head back!

Willow10 Wed 26-Dec-18 07:52:55

I've had some decidedly 'unwanted' gifts in the past, but I would never dream of passing comment - how rude! Gifts should be received in the spirit which they were given, whether you like them or not. What you do with them afterwards is up to you, but don't make the giver feel bad for their generosity (or lack of in some cases!) grin

sodapop Wed 26-Dec-18 09:02:46

I would be disappointed if my family were so rude Watermeadow any gift should be accepted with gratitude.
My most successful gift this year was wireless headphones for my husband. Now I don't have to listen to YouTube whilst watching Enders !!. He says they also cut out nagging wives.tchsmile

lemongrove Wed 26-Dec-18 09:46:13

Marydoll keep an eye out for a large friend or relative (male) wearing a colourful shawl. tchgrin

Jobey68 Wed 26-Dec-18 10:00:32

My god how rude of them!! I'm sure we all receive at least one gift that we would never have chosen for ourselves but it's taken with pleasure and thanks then recycled the following year to Someone who could make better use of it, unknown to the gift giver of course!!
I'm endlessly given bath bombs and bubble bath, we don't have a bath haven't had one for over 10 years but I'm always thankful and they make great gifts for those who do!!

Simple solution for next year....They go without! tchgrin

gillyjp Wed 26-Dec-18 10:06:10

I think my experience with comment from my youngest grandson last year tops the lot
'why did you only get us 2 presents Nana?' Well fair enough as he was only 6 at the time but already a worrying deep sense of entitlement prevails here. Rude? Ungrateful? Greedy? Yep - ticks all those boxes for me sadly.

Rmegan Wed 26-Dec-18 10:07:30

The solution is easy - don’t buy anything at all.

jaylucy Wed 26-Dec-18 10:08:46

I would never ever say things like that to the giver - too rude and I have been brought up better than to say so. I'd definitely say that for next year to announce at about August that you will not be giving presents out due to the fact that nobody seemed to like the ones that you had taken so much time and money over!
Mind you, I have one relative that every year for the past 10 years or so has given me and my son a calendar each and a bottle of wine - that neither of us drinks!