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AIBU

Never again

(93 Posts)
Tutumuch Tue 25-Dec-18 23:11:45

Older sister, husband and adult daughter just left our house in a huff. They were invited to join us for Christmas dinner (our daughter and her partner, eldest daughter and her husband and 15 month old granddaughter). Sister brought their very old and snappy dog with them. On arrival after taking deep breath I put dog in boiler room with bowl of water and firmly said dog and toddlers don’t mix. My sisters husband who treats dog as substitute child persists throughout day to let dog out into kitchen as I was preparing meal saying Dog would not bite granddaughter!! In the end I took dog by collar back to its ‘bed’. They have just left saying we are unreasonable and dog is old and part of their family! Tbh am fuming have spent entire day in a toxic atmosphere - I just can’t understand why people can’t respect others homes. Husband annoyed with me for not saying something sooner in the day!

Lynne59 Tue 25-Dec-18 23:23:11

Hmmm....Why couldn't they have left the dog at their house, with the heating on, plenty of food and water, and perhaps a radio on?

I feel sorry for the dog - being taken to a different place, full of other people/smells/noises, then being banished to a room alone.

FarNorth Tue 25-Dec-18 23:42:16

Did they know the dog wouldn't be welcome?

Allegretto Wed 26-Dec-18 00:32:50

I would have felt and acted as you did Tutumuch. I agree that small children and unfamiliar dogs are not a good mix and I would not want a dog in my kitchen while I cooked.

Grammaretto Wed 26-Dec-18 00:46:36

Downright rude of them. I'm on your side on this one. It's a shame it ended badly. Has this happened before if it's an old dog? Perhaps before you had DGC you allowed the dog?

BlueBelle Wed 26-Dec-18 06:44:19

Lot to be said for smaller get togethers big mixes don’t always work
Did they ask if they could bring the dog? Do they normal take it everywhere with them ?
Well in essence I don’t think they felt very welcome if you took the dog from them and shut it in a room as soon as they arrive
I wouldn’t have wanted it round either but I wouldn’t have been so forceful to guests

Iam64 Wed 26-Dec-18 07:39:30

Last week as a pre Christmas family do, we had 18, including 2 toddlers and a baby, 3 visiting dogs joined our resident two dogs.
All the dogs were walked together before we sat down to eat. Two were staying overnight with their owners and those two dogs stayed in their bedroom for the duration. My two, plus another family dog they get on well with, went into the Utility, where our dogs sleep and are fed.
Problem solved - dogs all happy, toddlers able to race about and adults could relax.
I'm sorry you had a stressful time. I'm relieved we all had good open and honest discussions before the day arrived. One of the visiting dogs is an old terrier, who will nip anyone given a chance. that's one of the one's who slept happily upstairs out the way.

sodapop Wed 26-Dec-18 09:12:21

Did your sister not ask if it was alright to bring the dog Tutumuch ? That is quite an imposition if not. I agree with Lynne59 the dog would have been happier at home.
You are lucky it all worked so well Iam64 I think that is the exception not the rule.
We are invited out today and tomorrow and would not think of taking any or all of our dogs with us despite being told they would be welcome. They are settled at home on their beds after a good walk and meal and I don't have to worry what they might get up to in a strange environment.

glammanana Wed 26-Dec-18 09:24:43

I am with Tutumuch on this, even on a normal visit without the stress of Christmas Day cooking our dogs are kept away from the little ones a DGC could just pull the dog by mistake and being an older dog it could turn on the child.
I think your BIL is unreasonable and realise its your home and your wishes should be respected.

Lisalou Wed 26-Dec-18 09:36:55

Tutumuch, YANBU at all! I have two dogs of my own, and my daughter and boyfriend bring their hound when they come, but they do know there are rules, their dog has to stay here with ours when we go to Granny's, and that is accepted. Dogs are left with their beds, water and treats and are happy as can be. We nip back to give them a lovely walk after lunch on Christmas day and all are happy. I dont think the dogs would be too comfortable at Granny's with strange cat, and loads of people bouncing about!

Tutumuch Wed 26-Dec-18 09:44:00

Gransnetters you ar amazing thank you for your supportive comments. Tbh there were s a history my older sister and he husband both very set in their ways but before retired in very powerful jobs and not used to challenge. They had niece late in life and the dog is very much a substitute child. I have hosted them at mine for Christmas when they have not gone on holiday but in past dog has gone to a family member who died last year. I think it was a mix of the whole sibling thing (sister is my mums fav), me always trying to please everyone, and frustration that my daughters and husband were annoyed with me!! Oh and the dog was well cared for in the large boiler room with a made up bed of towels and I put brother in laws coat / shoes in room for familiar smells, plus water. My sister has already texted me this morning to say how upset she is with me 😠 .

Luckygirl Wed 26-Dec-18 09:44:26

Very bad manners. Iam is a dog lover - her guests knew that, but still realised that there were some house rules to abide by with little ones there (and even without).

Your guests Tutumuch were extraordinarily rude and selfish. I have been in your position, with no children here, and have said very clearly that it is our choice not to have dogs in our home or garden: smell, hair, slobber, shit in the garden, boisterousness etc. - our home, our garden, our rules. Enter blackmail stage left!......but she will get too hot in the car etc. I know she will, so why bring her in the first place, when you know how we feel?

OH is frail and ill - do I want a dog knocking him over? - no I do not.

I respect that others enjoy their dogs - that is fine - but I do expect them to get their heads round the fact that not everyone shares that view and to act accordingly. It is not difficult!

You have all my sympathy. Don't invite them again!!

labazs1964 Wed 26-Dec-18 09:56:43

we run a home sitting and pet care business yesterday we sat a very elderly collie so owners could go out to relatives for the day without worrying. dog had a nice time with our dogs lots cuddles and a relaxed atmosphere for everyone

jaylucy Wed 26-Dec-18 09:57:52

We have several dogs in the family and whenever we go to each other's houses, always ask if it is ok the dog comes too ! I can't understand this idea of taking dogs wherever you go - I've seen some absolutely petrified by noise at motorsports by the noise.
It's your home and you have a right to expect other people to respect that and on this occasion the dog owners are in the wrong. Sure the dog would have been happier at home in a quiet place where everything he knew was. BiL in the wrong !

CrazyGrandma2 Wed 26-Dec-18 10:00:18

Completely with you Tutumuch. I do hope you have ignored her text.

annehinckley Wed 26-Dec-18 10:06:36

You were quite right Tutumuch. Don't be bullied!

henetha Wed 26-Dec-18 10:07:15

You are not being unreasonable. I can never understand why some people think that the whole world should love their dog as much as they do.
And in this case, with a toddler in the house and food being prepared in the kitchen it was utterly unreasonable of them to think their dog would be welcome.
I do feel a bit sorry for the dog, it's not his fault. But it's not your fault either.

grannytotwins Wed 26-Dec-18 10:18:29

You are completely in the right OP. If there had been an incident between the dog and the toddler, it would have been far worse.

TheMaggiejane1 Wed 26-Dec-18 10:19:33

Your guests behaved very badly Tutumuch. My daughter brought her 5 month old puppy with her on Christmas Day. She asked in advance and promised to keep him in his crate. If she hadn’t brought him they would have had to leave straight after lunch. We had 8 GC here aged from 18 months to 13 years. The dog stayed in its crate all the time it was in the house and lots of visitors went for a long walk with the puppy after lunch. My DIL is terrified of dogs and even she said she’d forgotten the dog was in the house as he was so well behaved.
Oldest son is coming tomorrow for a few days and also bringing a puppy with them. I’m really hoping his is a well behaved!

Nanny123 Wed 26-Dec-18 10:21:19

We have a dog, as do my 2 daughters. One of my daughters dogs doesnt mix very well, so she leaves him at home, our dog and my eldest daughters dog get on very well so if we are at either of our houses we bring them along. They enjoy being at each other’s houses and are a lot happier that way than being left at home on their own. BUT I wouldn impose on anyone that didnt have a dog, or where he wasnt invited.

Dtry Wed 26-Dec-18 10:24:47

Christmas 🙄
We have been traveling all over to see our family they live 150 miles away. They couldn't sort out where to meet up we have been pillar to post. I have 3 children and 4 grandkids here and one living abroad with 3 children. We're exhausted

Elegran Wed 26-Dec-18 10:26:28

Text her back to say how upset YOU were with HER for bringing the dog into the kitchen where you were preparing food for Christmas dinner for her and ther whole family. You were harassed, exhausted, worried about how it would all turn out, surrounded by adults, children, toddlers, hot fat, boiling water, sharp knives - the last thing you wanted was the dog that you thought was safely tucked up in the cosy boiler room with all he needed.

The dog himself could have been upset by the whole busy set-up and been tempted to snap, and then he would have have been blamed for any injury. He would have been better at home, but as a second-best he was in the boiler room. Why couldn't she co-operate? And why is husband annoyed with you - he could have put his foot down on your behalf while you got on with the cooking, surely.

You had already made it clear what you wanted, This was your house and they were guests. Next year she can be the host and do all the work, while you bring in a pet goat to nibble the curtains and a parrot to perch above the cooker and poop in the gravy.

Buffybee Wed 26-Dec-18 10:37:09

They were in the wrong, plain and simple.
I am a dog lover as are all my family but I would have been quite happy with the arrangements that you made, if this had been my elderly dog.
The safety of your Dgc is more important than the feelings of your Sister and husband. If you do reply to her text, tell her that you could not take the risk of having their dog loose with a toddler around. End of!

Urmstongran Wed 26-Dec-18 10:37:54

Definitely not being unreasonable! So many dog lovers are ‘love me love my dog’ brigade. Then turn up everywhere with them as though no one could possibly object! And I’m a dog lover. Had 3 of our own over the 45 years we’ve been married. And never took them to anyone’s house. No need in my opinion!
That said, perhaps you hadn’t forewarned your sister about not bringing the dog and especially for a ‘big day’ celebration - they took the huff and went home to perhaps no special dinner as it blindsided them. Communication is key when planning ‘the day’ so that everyone knows the expectations.
Hurtful to receive a passive aggressive text from your sister this morning. It’s easy to text! I’d ring her up now and say ‘let’s move on from yesterday. A total misunderstanding on both sides.’ Good luck!

newnanny Wed 26-Dec-18 10:40:32

You were quite right in your actions Tutumuch. Your dsis should not have brought the dog if she kn ew your dgs was going to be there. She was being very inconsiderate. I can understand your dd would be worried about dog with small child. My dgs came for day on 16th Dec and we did an early Xmas dinner and I shut my own dog in dining room whilst dgs was running around lounge and I was cooking in kitchen. Then we all took dog out for walk after dinner.