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Never again

(94 Posts)
Tutumuch Tue 25-Dec-18 23:11:45

Older sister, husband and adult daughter just left our house in a huff. They were invited to join us for Christmas dinner (our daughter and her partner, eldest daughter and her husband and 15 month old granddaughter). Sister brought their very old and snappy dog with them. On arrival after taking deep breath I put dog in boiler room with bowl of water and firmly said dog and toddlers don’t mix. My sisters husband who treats dog as substitute child persists throughout day to let dog out into kitchen as I was preparing meal saying Dog would not bite granddaughter!! In the end I took dog by collar back to its ‘bed’. They have just left saying we are unreasonable and dog is old and part of their family! Tbh am fuming have spent entire day in a toxic atmosphere - I just can’t understand why people can’t respect others homes. Husband annoyed with me for not saying something sooner in the day!

Urmstongran Wed 26-Dec-18 10:40:59

Sorry just read your post again & obviously they stayed all day, ate with you in a toxic atmosphere (beyond awful - I bet you were compensating with forced jollity by then to keep the conversations going!) and then left in a huff. Horrible spoilt Christmas Day.

Pollaidh Wed 26-Dec-18 10:47:09

We have a lively gentle little cocker spaniel. DD and family, together with 9mth old DGS all here for 8 days. DGS crawling at speed, fascinated by dog. No way is he allowed anywhere near the dog. My rules. No dog has ever attacked a child before. Until it does. So you are absolutely right. Keeping them separate is a hassle but nothing when you think of what just one irritated bite can do to a child’s face. How upset your sister feels now is her problem, not yours. tchwink

Caro57 Wed 26-Dec-18 10:51:06

DH breeds dogs and won't entertain selling a pup to a home with under 5 year olds - you are quite right they do not mix! - especially if the dog is elderly and not used to youngsters. I am surprised the 'parents' aka owners were not more considerate towards their dog
Chill and enjoy your Boxing Day!

Greciangirl Wed 26-Dec-18 10:56:56

What a damn cheek, texting you to say how upset she is.
Would that be for hosting Xmas dinner and inviting them round.
You also provided for the dog, so what’s the problem?

I would be fuming after being treated like that.
I am not a dog lover either, but have put up with a niece once staying here. She let the dog sleep in her bed and of course, bedding covered in dog hair.
It’s your relatives that should be apologising to you, Tutumuch.

NickyJo64 Wed 26-Dec-18 10:57:26

Completely agree, they should have left dog at home, I don't like dogs around small children - respecting other people's home is paramount - seems too many people take advantage x

ReadyMeals Wed 26-Dec-18 11:01:03

Perhaps they expected you to put the toddler in the boiler room again. I tend to agree with your decision not to let the dog and toddler simply find their own level - especially in the extra mayhem of christmas which typically stresses out dogs as well as being distracting for the adults who may not end up being as mindful of developing situations as they might have been. Some advance discussion of your worries and expectations might have avoided having the showdown on the day itself.

ReadyMeals Wed 26-Dec-18 11:01:39

again = instead. I do wish this forum allowed edit sad

millymouge Wed 26-Dec-18 11:04:29

We are dog owners, always have been, but I respect that not all people feel like we do. If it's an all day visit dogs are walked and then left in a safe room in the visitors house with comfortable bedding, treats and a radio. Frequent toilet trips during the day, and no worries. At home they have plenty of room in the house to go off by themselves away from people. And definitely no dogs in the kitchen when we are preparing food. I agree small children and dogs definitely do not mix, it's not worth taking the risk. I hate pictures of small children sitting on dogs and pulling ears and poking eyes, what are their parents thinking

fluttERBY123 Wed 26-Dec-18 11:09:17

Am I alone that I have never been able to see the point of dogs? I do not understand dog owners who believe everyone loves their dog as much as they do. "He's only being friendly", when in the park their dog jumps up and paws mud down your coat.

Signed Cat Lover (probably about to be trolled )

ReadyMeals Wed 26-Dec-18 11:10:08

Although I agreed with the dog and the child being kept in seperate rooms, I disagree with the people who said to leave the dog at home alone. Unlike cats, who tend to form attachments to places, and much prefer simply being left at home, dogs don't really like being left, even those who are too well behaved to show it. And when the dog is old, they start to feel more vulnerable and their toilet functions can go up the creek too and you need to be able to hear them if they start wanting something. I expect the dog was happier in the laundry room with the owners nearby than it would have been at home.

Urmstongran Wed 26-Dec-18 11:12:25

You made me laugh ReadyMeals about putting the toddler in the boiler room! I wonder what the OP sister would e thought if she’d suggested it and leave the cosseted dog in the room instead ha!
By the way you can edit. Set up your message but instead of pressing ‘post message’ press ‘preview message’ and read it through first to see that you are happy with it.

Hellsbells63 Wed 26-Dec-18 11:16:21

I hope you weren’t spiteful to that poor old dog, taking it by its collar. It wasn’t the dog’s fault, I think you were way over the top.
If I were your sister I wouldn’t be very happy.

harrigran Wed 26-Dec-18 11:22:15

I certainly wouldn't be inviting her and her dog next year.
Why should the rest of us suffer because they want to take their dogs out for the day, stay at home if you don't like the host's arrangements.

Grammaretto Wed 26-Dec-18 11:23:17

I know someone who was badly bitten on the face when a toddler by the pet of a family friend.
The dog had to be destroyed.
The friendship was ruined.

Hollydoilly10 Wed 26-Dec-18 11:25:34

your house, your rules.
I love my dog but would never take her where she was not welcome. Their problem, not yours

Why didn't your husband say something himself.

GoldenAge Wed 26-Dec-18 11:25:36

Can't understand why you didn't discuss the dog situation beforehand - as a dog owner at one time in my life, and having a married daughter (and family) with two large Labradors, I can't imagine why the subject never arose. It seems that everyone is at fault in your situation - you for not making it clear that they were being invited without the dog, and your sister for not checking with you whether the invitation included him. As for the dog, poor thing!

Oldbat1 Wed 26-Dec-18 11:32:58

We have only 3 dogs at home now but have had 5 plus my daughters dog at Xmas time with young children without issue. However next week we are going to daughters with our little dog and putting the two big ones into kennels for 4days. Their house their rules plus they have cats.

FlorenceFlower Wed 26-Dec-18 11:54:33

Lots of views about dogs, some dogs are ok, safe and happy in some situations and others aren’t. Did you need to put the dog in the boiler room, sounded a bit bleak in there? Feels rather as though you have a HUGE history with your sister and their dog became the scapegoat. Hopefully you can resolve the issues, my sympathy is with doggie!

Grammaretto Wed 26-Dec-18 12:02:29

The dog which caused serious lifelong injuries to a little girl was an adored family pet which "had never bitten anyone before"
Just saying.

Lisaholder Wed 26-Dec-18 12:10:30

I am a dog lover but really draw the line when people feel the need to take there pet pooches everywhere with them, dogs are not welcome at my house as my DDs and DH arent keen on them jumping over them and being annoying. I know people regard them as child substitutes and part of there family which is fine but they have to realise just because they love them not everyone does

Urmstongran Wed 26-Dec-18 12:12:19

God what’s wrong with a boiler room for an animal? Jeez, you’d think the woman had tied the dog up in the back garden for the day! The dog was warm, comfortable with water.
More importantly, I wonder if the sisters are speaking?

grandtanteJE65 Wed 26-Dec-18 12:18:15

The real problem, as I see it here is that the dog's owners or at least one of them, regards the animal as a substitute child.

This being so, there is no way you could have tackled the issue of the dog without offending them.

If you decide to invite them again, I suggest you make it very clear that the invitation does not include the dog. That will probably make them refuse to come.

If they turn up with the dog, aske them to leave it in the car.

There is unfortunately no way you can get them to see your point of view, so I am afraid you probably have to put up with the dog if you want to see them. If you decide to invite them on their terms rather than yours, do so when your grandchild is not going to be there, because as you quite rightly say and old dog and a toddler is a very poor combination. You would never forgive yourself if the child was bitten.

Tooyoungytobeagrandma Wed 26-Dec-18 12:24:49

Flutterby123 what you see and enjoy with your cats others enjoy with their dogs. I'm lucky I have and love both in equal measure (not just one of each either). I don't take my dogs to other people's homes they are given a very long walk left in their comfy warm beds with biscuits and water and not left for more than 6 hours (any longer and our neighbour walks them reciprocated when required). The cats well 2 go out 1 stays in cuz that's how they like it. Once home all in fed and settled. I can quite see the attachment to dogs and easily see the same to cats children on the other hand.......hmm

holdingontometeeth Wed 26-Dec-18 12:33:41

Its a dogs life.

M0nica Wed 26-Dec-18 12:45:44

Tutumuch Completely on your side. No one should take any pet, not even a hamster or stick insect, to any other person's house without checking that it's presence would be acceptable to its host.