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AIBU

Never again

(94 Posts)
Tutumuch Tue 25-Dec-18 23:11:45

Older sister, husband and adult daughter just left our house in a huff. They were invited to join us for Christmas dinner (our daughter and her partner, eldest daughter and her husband and 15 month old granddaughter). Sister brought their very old and snappy dog with them. On arrival after taking deep breath I put dog in boiler room with bowl of water and firmly said dog and toddlers don’t mix. My sisters husband who treats dog as substitute child persists throughout day to let dog out into kitchen as I was preparing meal saying Dog would not bite granddaughter!! In the end I took dog by collar back to its ‘bed’. They have just left saying we are unreasonable and dog is old and part of their family! Tbh am fuming have spent entire day in a toxic atmosphere - I just can’t understand why people can’t respect others homes. Husband annoyed with me for not saying something sooner in the day!

Craicon Wed 26-Dec-18 12:46:05

My dog stayed outside in his kennel all day yesterday and came in at 11pm when everyone was gone. No way do I inflict him on my guests and I think your sister was a cheeky mare to bring him without asking permission.
If I was visiting the OP, I’d have left the dog outside in the car and taken him out for a few short walks during the day.
If your sister can’t organise alternative arrangements for the dog, she should stay at home.

OP, your compromise solution was more than reasonable but it appears from the text that your sister is a selfish madam. Ignore her childish behaviour.

tomtom12 Wed 26-Dec-18 12:46:48

angry if did that to my dog I would turn around and go back home again that dog mean more to them than any thing as mine do think about it

4allweknow Wed 26-Dec-18 12:47:41

If the dog is old surely it would have been much better to leave it home instead of subjecting it to all the goings on in a different environment. Had dogs in the past and when DGC appeared on the scene and visited us dog was always secured away from children. Digs are like people, can only take so much, want to escape and if they can't, well sure we all know what the result can be. YANBU. Just ignore sister or tell her you didn't want situation where everyone would be regretting not being responsible and separating dog.

Anja Wed 26-Dec-18 12:49:37

We had 6 adults, 4 children and 5 dogs here yesterday. The children fell out at one point but the dogs behaved impeccably!

mumofmadboys Wed 26-Dec-18 12:49:44

I agree with Urmstongran. Best to phone up and say sorry we saw things differently yesterday re the dog and move on. You will probably not reach any agreement so I would avoid discussion. You just need to try and keep the relationship intact.

Jane43 Wed 26-Dec-18 12:51:44

It is a shame the ground rules weren’t established beforehand. We are dog owners and would never presume to take our dog anywhere without establishing first that it would be acceptable. In fact we prefer to leave our dog at home in familiar surroundings as he is a very nervous dog and dislikes unfamiliar situations.

Our neighbour’s son recently left home to live with his partner. When they visit his parents they bring their dog who is put in the back garden for the duration of the visit, including yesterday lunch time. The dog barks constantly and we have to put our tv on to drown out the noise for us and our dog. Every time we wonder why on Earth they can’t leave the dog at home where he would be less distressed and more comfortable.

Tutumuch Wed 26-Dec-18 12:55:22

Wow gransnetters you have no idea how lovely it is to have these supportive comments. Just to reassure all the dog lovers the arrangement was that the dog could come but was to stay in the (heated garage) I folded like a cheap tent and allowed dog to stay in very warm and cosy boiler room on basis it was an old dog! It was the repeated actions of sister and bil allowing dog out into kitchen that stressed me out - never again though! Xxx

ReadyMeals Wed 26-Dec-18 13:01:57

Well I think they must be a bit stupid then. If the dog had bitten the child it would have been taken away, then they'd really have something to be upset about. Most people I know voluntarily keep their dogs away from other people's kids for that very reason - because they do love their dog. SOunds like the sister found it more important to get her own way than to care about her dog, which pretty much explains her selfish attitude altogether.

Grammaretto Wed 26-Dec-18 13:25:30

This boiler room sounds perfect to me. A glass of wine, a comfy chair, some scraps from the table and WiFi. I'd have been very happy.
It's a dog's life for sure.

lilybug Wed 26-Dec-18 13:31:02

hi your sister should have asked you about bringing dog with them i always ask people if they mind if my dog ellie comes but saying that i never leave ellie for the day most of my friends say yes its fine but have got a few friends that dont like dogs or have cats so i visit them for a couple of hours without ellie i have never had any problems i hope you still managed to have a nice day and dont worry about it soon forgotton

FarNorth Wed 26-Dec-18 13:46:13

Next year she can be the host and do all the work, while you bring in a pet goat to nibble the curtains and a parrot to perch above the cooker and poop in the gravy. tchgrintchwinktchgrin

the arrangement was that the dog could come but was to stay in the (heated garage)
I'd apologise for not sticking to this arrangement. smile

amt101 Wed 26-Dec-18 13:48:10

I had a goodish day yesterday at my daughters who generally lives overseas but came back with her two dogs and young cat. My granddaughter was there with her dog who the cat is also used to. My ex was there too with his wife and dog that the cat didn’t know at all. His wife said later that he chases cats. So we had 4 dogs rush around the house every time the eis dog saw the cat. The others dogs just joined in the running, tree nearly fell over and it was general pandemonium. I ended up shouting at my ex, he said you leave my dog lone. Why bring a dog that loves chasing cats?

sylviann Wed 26-Dec-18 14:06:43

I had all he family here Christmas day dog as well there were no small children . I really love dogs and treat them as family but had there been youngsters I would have kept here away from them better safe than sorry.

NannaM Wed 26-Dec-18 15:06:22

When my DGD was 3 her family went to an uncle for a couple of days at Christmas. Their dog, a terrier type, bit my DGD in the face. She had to have stitches and has a small scar near her mouth which will be with her for life. The bite caused a serious rift between the childs father and his brother.
You were absolutely correct in deciding to keep your DGS and the unfamiliar dog separate.

Smiley4 Wed 26-Dec-18 15:36:00

I think you were right. I like dogs, but some people do see. To treat them as if they are a child and not an animal. And you are right, a small child and any dog, has to be watched carefully.

holdingontometeeth Wed 26-Dec-18 15:41:51

amt101 Nice post. Have you got anymore? This could run and run, as long as the dogs can keep going.

Nannan2 Wed 26-Dec-18 16:07:55

I agree i wouldnt ask them again,nor their dog-although strictly speaking its not the dogs fault- im sure he'd much rather have stayed at home if hes old.

starbox Wed 26-Dec-18 16:53:05

I would ALWAYS ask before taking a dog to a function, especially with various other people there. Then no problems - you arrive to a welcome or you make arrangements for dog elsewhere. Onus on them to talk about it before the day.

queenofsaanich69 Wed 26-Dec-18 17:01:24

Obviously older sisters husband is used to getting his own way,you were luck to not break your neck tripping over said dog.Christmas is a busy time without additional stress.Just ignore the situation and things will calm down have fun with your granddaughter.You did the right thing as a bite at a young age can terrify a child for ever----I was bitten as a young child and was nervous of dogs for years until we got the nicest dog imaginable.Sorry you had that stress.

Grampie Wed 26-Dec-18 19:00:20

Your house your rules.

No exceptions.

But make this clear to your potential guests before inviting them again.

Lilyflower Wed 26-Dec-18 20:47:42

You are on to a loser with this one, OP, as dog owners love their dogs far more than they love people. Even when they ‘ask’ if doggy can come too they cannot contemplate that the request will be turned down.

Iam64 Wed 26-Dec-18 20:54:58

Lilyflower - nope, your post may apply to some people but it sure doesn't apply to the majority of dog owners who contributed to this thread. Dog lovers understand the needs of their dogs and their loved humans. If anyone didn't want my dog(s) in their home, the dogs would either stay home or be cared for in a safe, well known environment.
"dog owners love their dogs far more than they love people". That isn't true of me, other than in respect of cold hearted, critical and judgemental folks. In that case, give me a dog any day.

lesley4357 Wed 26-Dec-18 20:55:58

I would never trust ANY dog anywhere near a toddler. Just asking for a trip to A&E

Urmstongran Wed 26-Dec-18 21:08:57

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

holdingontometeeth Wed 26-Dec-18 21:13:47

Urmstongran. Naughty naughty. That particular fashion item is frowned upon now.
From an ex Davyhulme resident.