I've had enough of hosting ungrateful guests.

Thank you for that.
I feel empowered already!

Great to hear of your Christmas 2019 booking, bitemytongue! Have a very happy year ahead.

@allsortsofbags thank you. I will be keeping and eye out for the unicorns, there is zero chance of any change in behavior. That's fine, I will continue to change mine. It will be her loss

I put up with this for years from unappreciative relatives not contributing even a bottle of wine. Our only son went to Poland to keep his GF mum from being lonely. They are coming next weekend for a mini Christmas. Us? We went to a London hotel next to OH job as he was expected to work a few hours. We had the best Christmas ever being waited on and eating at favourite places and celebrating our 37th anniversary in the process. Next year planning something similar including our son and GF as they don't want to spend it in Poland. Hope we can find a way to include GF mum who isn't particularly fit.

@Catterygirl. Your Christmas sounds so much better

When the joy of entertaining is no longer there .You have to rethink why you need to do it.Either go to a hotel for your meal or team.up with close family or friends.Its very liberating not having to take the crap of preparing for ungrateful guests

Surely it was easier her staying in bed than getting up and enraging and annoying you more than she had already done so. Just get on and do your own thing and let your DP wait on her and entertain her, it's his precious family so sit back, relax and ignore.

wondergran that’s my opinion too. I’d tell her what time dinner was the night before and then it’s up to her to get up for it. No reminders.

I had a young American relative staying once. She was just the same, so after the first couple of days I just went out and left her. Did my own thing, shopped, met friends for a coffee, walked the dogs, went for a drive. Sometimes when I got back she was still in bed so no skin off my nose and if she’d got up and was alone that was her problem. Missed meals were missed meals and that was that.

Glad to see the back of her and never invited her again,

I didnt care that she was in bed all day. Like you say, much better for me that she was out of my way. I do care about her behaviour in general and the effect on the GC. I had a long chat with her dad about her behaviour yesterday. Both agreed she is a lost cause. He thinks she is lazy, always has been and always will be. Her whole family repeatedly have a go at her about it and it falls on deaf ears. He said she is a grown woman now so he doesnt feel he should still be chastising her. He totally gets why I was unhappy and agrees it wont be happening in the future.

She certainly wouldn't be getting another invite from me! Ungrateful item!! Get yourself booked next year in a lovely hotel and don't tell her where it is!!!! You need another Christmas treat to get over this !!!

We go to the Canaries in December and I was astonished to see Christmas week with TUI was down to almost half price so pretent to be booked but book a last minute deal .

I host pretty much every year , this year my SIL decided to tell me by text that as they ( Hubby and child ) were away they wanted to make sure that the parents weren’t alone .... I mean this has never ever ever happened ! So imagine my surprise when she then announced we were welcome to have Christmas dinner with them ... errrrrr what ?!? Anyway we declined because we had made plans to feed our in laws and others , so SIL invited her parents , we had already shopped to allow enough to feed everyone. My lovely MIL felt obliged to go as ‘ she was making such an effort ‘. EFFORT FFS like I do every year !! Anyway next Christmas we are going away. Stuff it and the turkey I’ll get rat arsed and not spend 5 days cooking cleaning and washing up. Merry bloody Christmas !

Sorry ... I get confused. Is SIL ‘sister in law’ or ‘son in law’? I read the posts then try to make head or tail.

OP just go on holiday in 2019 as your DP has wanted to do. But I'd advise him to have a word with this daughter - her own daughter is learning bad lessons and the 9yo sounds well undermothered if she can ignore him on Christmas Day and stay in bed until 5pm. Does she work so hard during the year that this is her only downtime?

I to have a stepfamily turn up every year, and I feel like
Like head cook and bottle washer, while they come n go visiting other members of family, great Christmas for me.

What is it with these entitled step children? My step daughter is the same. She arrives empty handed, treats me and my husband as slaves and sits there tight-lipped rarely expressing interest in us or our lives or responding when we show an interest in hers. Since when did they get permission to behave like this? Step mothers cannot do right for doing wrong in their step children's eyes. This is SO unfair. The stepmums I know work so hard to make these visits warm and welcoming. Step mothers are absolute stars not monsters. It is time to rise up and assert oneself over such behaviour by setting some boundaries and house rules. It is our human right to be treated with respect, gratitude and generosity in the face of great effort. Husbands need to set firm boundaries and zero tolerance of such disrespectful behaviour. Deeply empathise with you.

What awful behaviour. There is no excuse. I think I would be making alternative arrangement next year, but I wouldn't make an argument out of it, little point. Perhaps when she has to do christmas herself, she will wake up, but she sounds bad mannered and lazy and unlikely to get better. If all rise fails, your back could "go".