I've had enough of hosting ungrateful guests.

OOmamOO

It's not the younger ones either. Against my better judgement, I agreed to invite my MiL (90) to stay with us for Christmas Eve. I made a Traditional Christmas Dinner, a buffet breakfast Christmas Morning, she was kept well supplied with her requests for drinks and chauffeured to our daughter's house for Christmas Day. I didn't get a please or a thank you and she didn't lift a finger to help not even to put her breakfast dish on the kitchen sink. In fact she pushed it across the table in the opposite direction to me. I will not be making the same mistake again!

@bitemytongue...I do sympathize. Not excusing her behaviour but perhaps she is depressed.

Allsortsofbags. Bravo. I truly salut you. That invaluable piece of wisdom is extremely useful for anyone who had a horrible Christmas, or a horrible anything else for that matter. So, thank you for that. Duly noted.

that’s exactly what I would have done! Give some people an inch, and they will take a mile! Hope you have a wonderful Christmas away on holiday next year ! ?

I'm afraid she has behaved in this way because you have allowed it to happen over the years and made yourself a martyr to the cause too. It's time for you to change your behaviour either by not inviting them or telling your husband it's his turn next year to do everything and meaning it.

.......

and that was in answer to Gabriella G 54’s idea.

BiteMyTongue - I suggest that in January, you mention to all the family that you (and OH?) are going away next Christmas. Keep mentioning this on a weekly basis - and get something booked ASAP! A cottage (with only room enough for the two of you), a hotel, a holiday in the sun, or whatever you want. Start now!

All these lovely helpful posts. And no response from biteme ? Hopefully she’s having some nice me time.

Urmstongran| Perhaps my advice wasn't heeded.

Thank you all for the comments. They have gone home. My partner has driven them which will be 2hr round trip for him. I feel sorry for him because he does a lot for them and they think a 'thanks Dad' is sufficient And it's not the way they were raised as his older daughter is completely different He doesn't like disagreements so I think he overlooks it to keep the peace but he knows that her behaviour is unacceptable. My daughter and I have just had a 5 min ranting session and put the world to rights. It won't happen again. As my daughter rightly said, she is such an awful example to her children. That will be their business, I don't have to get involved.

@emelle oh dear. I feel for you. So rude

Good for you Bitemytongue!
At least your other Step daughter and daughter are appreciative of all the hard work you've put in.
It's a pity that all of you will not have another family Christmas Day again though and all because of this one person.
I don't blame you though, organising something different for next year.
I would have been fuming but as I'm not very good at Biting my tongue, probably would have said something to her.

I'm sorry, it's the first time I have posted and I am doing it from my phone and missed a whole page of messages. Thank you @allsorts. I did know what to expect because she did it last year but her older sister was also here with her young child so they were a distraction. She is away this year. I love Christmas at home, I enjoy the prep and the cooking and family, my partner does it all with me. It has been important to me to create great memories of Christmas for my children, the same as I had growing up. I have never seen someone act that way. Don't get me wrong, my kids are lazy but they live with me. They would never go to someone's else's house and do that. I would still like to have Christmas at home but I am going to have to give that up to avoid having her behave like that again.

I would expect different behaviour from a 30 year old but it appears that this is the way she has been brought up and she probably feels it is quite normal.

I really don't think I could put up with it but I wouldn't know how to handle it without causing a massive family rift. Perhaps you should speak to your husband and say you really won't be able to tolerate such behaviour next year and you expect him to convey that information to his daughter.

@david1968 we have already agreed to go abroad. Whoever wants to come they can, she can come if she wants but I know she won't get her act together to make that happen!

If you let yourself be talked into having them to stay again, I think you should make it quite clear to them that meals are prepared at set times in you house, and if they if they don't put in an appearance at those times, clothed and in their right minds to quote the Authorized Version, they can go out to eat or go home,

Christmas is supposed to be a family occasion, so I would tell the child's mother that she is expected to be on parade when presents are being opened.

Hand her a list of the chores you need help with too.

@sandigold She is definitely not depressed. She is a stunning looking woman with a very happy nature. Bit of a princess

Sorry about the extra "if they"

@grandtante I don't really believe I should or even her Dad should be giving her a list of chores in her mid thirties. I find it ridiculous that she refuses to acknowledge that they need doing. It's OK. Next time I will be suggesting that if they come up in the future they leave the same day. But that won't be for a few years. In the future I will say other family is coming and they will 'cancel' at last minute!!!

Just read in the Mail that the most ungrateful age group is 25/35. That'll be right ! The moaners who grumbled about their Christmas presents etc.

So ungrateful and so complimentary about themselves and their abilities

We don't have anyone in the family in that age group!! Not any that we buy present for anyway.
Thank goodness

Dump her....if your husband disagrees ...he can go to her next year. See how that fits!!

Bitemytongue sounds like you have some good plans in place to have other Christmas' closer to how you want them.

Good to hear. However you want your celebration to be others don't have the right to mess it up by awful behaviour.

You seem to have a handle on things and you can make choices that work for you from now on.

As sad as it has been that this Christmas was spoiled you have a clear way forward so you can now say "Thank you for That".

Because you won't be getting yourself into that situation again. Good Luck with any of your future plans.

My friends ask how I can be so calm when people behave badly I say it's easy "people can behave how they wish BUT - No In My Life Space".

Our homes, our ways of celebrating are "Our Life Space" take care of them and keep them as close to how we want to be as we can.

Good plan to not have your SD in your home and celebrations unless she changes.

Look out for low flying Unicorns She might change so may be I shouldn't be sarcastic. Sorry about that.