Gransnet forums


....too be a bit annoyed?

(89 Posts)
Flaxseed Thu 10-Jan-19 23:37:05

Divorced with 2 DD’s and 1 DGS
Partner divorced with 3 children.
All children at various stages, uni/work/starting family
We don’t live together but are, I like to think, a pretty solid couple. We sometimes touch on the subject of living together but we are both used to and like, the space that living apart gives us. It makes our time together really special.
When we first met, one of DP’s dreams was to retire to another country, or at least move into a rural part of Britain.
At first I accepted that we may not last, as I have never been prepared to do this, but obviously wouldn’t have wanted him to give up his dream for me.
But as time has passed , he’s spoken about it less and less and has become quite involved with life in his (semi rural ) village and is very settled there.

Just before Xmas, he said he had been chatting to his DD about her mother’s (DP’s ex wife) recently failed relationship.
They (apparently lightheartedly hmm) got onto the subject of our relationship and told me that his DD had said she was ‘concerned’ that ultimately we wanted different things so does wonder how it will work for us

I don’t think he realised how hurt I would feel about the comment but there was no time to discuss it at that time. So, in true Flaxseed style, I let it eat away at me for a few days.
Until yesterday I had pretty much forgotten about it as we had a lovely time over the festive season and have spent a lot of time planning lovely things to do this year.
So, last night we were out with DP’s extended family & children and same DD brings up the subject and said ‘well Dad wants to buy a place in (fav country) don’t you Dad?’
DP kindly looked my way and said ‘I don’t think Flaxseed wants to though’
Feeling embarrassed, I said I’d compromise on a holiday home.
I then saw DD say quietly to DP ‘just do it’

It’s made me very unsettled today. If it’s something he really wants to do then I would’nt stand in his way but I feel he may be influenced into doing it by her.
I thought I got on well with her but now I feel that she actually doesn’t actually like me that much.

I couldn’t speak to DP last night as I was returning home earlier than the rest of them due to a long shift today.

I do plan to discuss it at the weekend though.

Am I overthinking this?
Would anyone else feel a bit pee’d off?
Am I just too sensitive?! blush

Flaxseed Sat 12-Jan-19 13:29:22

It’s my DD that is in distress.

My intention always was to talk to DP, but I have had no chance to since posting, as I have been working.
This weekend is now not looking good due to my need to support DD.

Even if I do get to DP’s later I’m not sure it will be a good time to bring it up as I will be a bit too emotional!

What a good start to 2019 - not!! confused

ReadyMeals Sat 12-Jan-19 13:29:46

Best wishes for your daughter, Flaxseed, hope she's feeling a lot better and things are sorted soon!

DanniRae Sat 12-Jan-19 15:09:01

Best wishes for your daughter from me too Flaxseed flowers

annep Sat 12-Jan-19 15:15:55

Im with Bluebelle. Speaking from experience you have a lot of talking (and listening) to do which may not end how you would like it to. But you need to do it. Or you will regret ignoring the issue some day.

Maggiemaybe Sat 12-Jan-19 18:02:32

flowers for you and your DD, Flaxseed. I hope things go well for you both.

dragonfly46 Sat 12-Jan-19 18:11:47

Best wishes with your daughter Flaxseed.

BradfordLass72 Sat 12-Jan-19 19:31:30

Good wishes from me too - damn that toxic boss!

newnanny Sun 13-Jan-19 21:05:59

All you can do is talk it through with your dp. But i would be telling him you are unhappy his dd appears to be interfering.

FarNorth Sun 13-Jan-19 21:11:22

flowersflowers Flaxseed

I'm sure your DP will want to support you and your DD.

MagicWriter2016 Sun 13-Jan-19 21:29:00

Just think Flaxseed, things can only get better! Good luck with everything xx

PECS Mon 14-Jan-19 10:48:42

When my widowed father asked me how I would feel if his new partner moved in to his house I answered honestly. I said I would find it harder to pop in casually as I had been doing, it would cease to feel like 'home' (though I had never actually lived there) but had all our family bits in it! I would feel more like a guest. He chose not to invite her to live with him. With hindsight I feel bad about it but at the time I thought I was being truthful and fair. My dad's partner was not a bad person. I did not particularly like her and I remember asking why, of all the women he knew , he had got involved with her! A very selfish view but a human one!

ReadyMeals Mon 14-Jan-19 11:44:45

PECS you might have felt that way even if you liked the new partner. I mean just on pure protocol you can't really treat or think of the place the same as if only your own parent or parents were there. When you're visiting your parents, it always feels like it could be your home (assuming a normal loving relationships with them), but once they're matched with a new partner they're not just your parents any more.

PECS Mon 14-Jan-19 13:07:22

I agree ReadyMeals but some of his women friends were also my mum's good friends so I had known them for a while and they felt more like family!