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Mothers Day is cancelled

(194 Posts)
muffinthemoo Wed 27-Mar-19 16:34:07

Am stay at home mum of three kids under four by DH's request. DH works extremely long hours so I am on my tod most of the time. I wrangle offspring and household to the best of my abilities.

Have been told this that "Mothers Day is cancelled, it's a made up holiday to sell cards". Oh okay then. I won't expect a present then...

Have now just received text checking whether I have made sure to order flowers for MIL for Mothers Day as "he doesn't want to deal with that"...!

I feel sad. A card would have been nice. AIBU?

(Yes, I have ordered MIL the flowers out of basic social courtesy.)

KatyK Wed 27-Mar-19 19:26:20

Wow! I'm sure he could spare the time to pop in to a shop and get a card and a few flowers as your children are too young to do it themselves. I'd let him sort his own mother out.

nanaK54 Wed 27-Mar-19 19:31:07

In my humble opinion Mr Muffin is being a miserable sod

Lavazza1st Wed 27-Mar-19 20:02:42

@muffinthemoo so sorry your DH is so thoughtless and tactless! He could organise the kids to make a card rather than buy one. As my Mum used to say "it's the thought that counts".

I'm not sure if anyone in my house will remember MD either. One of my kids is now estranged (see Finito post) and not sure the others will remember... I'd be happy with a home made card tbh.

gillybob Wed 27-Mar-19 21:57:01

My DD is the most kindest, unselfish person ever. She never forgets ( bless her heart) . This will be her first mother’s day after having her little miracle baby girl. I have a lovely surprise waiting for her on Sunday. Fingers on lips ?

I would wait for ever for so much as a text or phone call from my DS and DDiL .

grannyactivist Wed 27-Mar-19 22:00:36

One of my sons gets quite hot under the collar about what he calls 'Hallmark' days, but I usually get a card hand-made by his lovely wife and he does always get me flowers. smile

Anniebach Wed 27-Mar-19 22:02:52

When my daughters were young we attended Church on Mothering Sunday and every mother was given a bunch of flowers from their children during the service.

Tangerine Wed 27-Mar-19 22:03:22

Yes, it's become a bit commercialised nowadays but I think your DH ought to give you a card/small present despite this. It would be a good example to his children, apart from appreciation of all you do for them and him.

dragonfly46 Wed 27-Mar-19 22:13:20

My DS is taking his wife and tiny children out to lunch. I will get a phone call, flowers and a card which he will have bought himself. Not all young dads are thoughtless.

Lily65 Wed 27-Mar-19 22:30:34

So glad all is well with the family but why the big fuss? Maybe he could do a lovely home cooked meal for the next week or so....that would mean a lot.

Nanagem Wed 27-Mar-19 22:37:21

I have to admit it’s been a thorn over the years in this house too, I lost my mother when my eldest was 2, after that my mil assumed she would spend the day with us, me waiting on her had and foot as normal. I had 3 close together and worked full time and resented that she came first. My DH just couldn’t say no to her, and I would perhaps get some flowers, but no help entertaining the in-laws for the weekend.

Now they have all passed and the children are grown it’s different, I always get flowers/chocolates, it means more now, they do it themselves, not because dad told them to.

That said, if it’s just an ordinary day, couldn’t you arrange to go out with some girl friends, or visit your mum. A day for you without the children, not the spirit of Mother’s Day I know, but I think you deserve something.

Telly Wed 27-Mar-19 22:57:12

Well, he is consistent, can't be bothered to do anything for his mum or for you! I guess you will have to wait until your children are old enough to show their own appreciation. Under the circumstances I would have repeated his own words to him.

muffinthemoo Wed 27-Mar-19 23:34:48

Re MIL's flowers: whatever else she may be, she is my children's grandmother and I won't let that go unacknowledged for as long as it's my responsibility to maintain their family relationships. Whatever they choose to do as adults is on them, but I choose to behave courteously.

Thank you ladies for the rest of your posts. I wondered if maybe I was just feeling sorry for myself (Mothers Day was celebrated in both our families of origin as A Very Big Deal, so there isn't a mismatch of historical expectations going on) but I feel a bit more reasonable now seeing that other people think he was a bit off there.

He doesn't acknowledge Valentine's day, wedding anniversary, my birthday or Christmas for me, but... I don't know. This feels different. Probably because it's him choosing not to do something on behalf of the children.

When I said a present and card, I honestly meant a chocolate orange or something, I'm really very easy to please!

I think I would just appreciate an acknowledgement or some positive reinforcement, you know? A "you're doing your best" token of appreciation?

stella1949 Thu 28-Mar-19 03:53:17

You should order some flowers for yourself, when you're doing your MIL's. You certainly deserve them !

BlueBelle Thu 28-Mar-19 06:16:56

But it’s not mother’s day yet what if he’s teasing you and you get a card and a present anyway I think your judging too soon wait till Sunday and see

maryeliza54 Thu 28-Mar-19 07:42:37

He doesn't acknowledge Valentine's day, wedding anniversary, my birthday or Christmas for me, but... I don't know

How absolutely sad and enraging at the same time muffin. What does he do that makes you feel cherished?

JackyB Thu 28-Mar-19 07:57:27

Attack may be the best form of defence. Will you be seeing MiL? Maybe she will ask you what you got for mother's day, then you can tell her.

Another tactic would be to really go over the top on Father's Day - breakfast in bed, a massage, his favourite meal, candlelit dinner and a DVD cuddled up on the sofa, a film of his choice of course, lots of action and something he knows you won't really enjoy, beer served at the arm of his chair. Get the children to make a simple gift and hand him a card and give him lots of cuddles. Perhaps he'll get the idea.

BlueSapphire Thu 28-Mar-19 08:03:16

Oh muffin, I feel so sad for you. My late DH was a paragon and I got spoiled rotten. And my children always were and still are wonderful with a card and a little present. I remember when they were little they saw a Mothering Sunday breakfast in bed recipe on Blue Peter and made it for me because DH was on night shift and not home. 'Californian Egg Crackles' it was called and I still have my daughter's hand written recipe - she was about 9 I think. You need to treat yourself.

TwiceAsNice Thu 28-Mar-19 08:05:03

If he “ can’t be bothered “ to acknowledge yiu for any special occasion especially your birthday and Christmas why are you still married to him? He treats you like dirt

Bagatelle Thu 28-Mar-19 08:44:05

muffinthemoo are you his wife or his secretary? I hope it's a wind-up and he's got something special planned.

Lily65 Thu 28-Mar-19 08:45:50

TwiceAsNice, its all very well to sit behind your keyboard and make such statements but the reality of Muffin leaving a marriage where there are 3 young children is more complex.

Sarahmob Thu 28-Mar-19 09:19:02

He doesn't acknowledge Valentine's day, wedding anniversary, my birthday or Christmas for me,...

This is so sad - part of a good relationship is cherishing the other person and a card (at the very least) along with a small gift is a way of saying how loved and important you are. I hope that your DH finds other ways to let you know how important you are.
I agree with your stance on MIL flowers, but I’d have ordered a bouquet to be delivered to yourself too, recognise yourself if he won’t do it for you.

maryeliza54 Thu 28-Mar-19 09:23:35

But muffin asked us if she was BU to mind. Of course leaving a marriage can be impossibly difficult but women do it so there is nothing wrong with us expressing our views. She has 3 choices really - 1) just accept that’s who he is and she’ll put up with it because there’s really no option. 2) get someone to look after the children for a few hours and have a good long discussion with him about the mismatch in what they each consider acceptable behaviour and 3) consider if she wants to stay in this marriage. It’s not just about Mothers Day is it? As I asked how does he express his care for her? What are the children learning about a loving relationship between two adults? Is he physically demonstrative with a kiss or a hug. Does he say sometimes, you look really tired can I get you a drink? The children are very young and there’s years of child care ahead - she has to ask herself how to make it OK for her as she is the bedrock for the little ones and has to stay strong.

Grandad1943 Thu 28-Mar-19 09:25:15

Men are all different in their ways and personalities, just as women are all different in the same.

In that, I will be cooking lunch on Mothers day for my wife and our three daughters with their families ( eleven in total)

The menu will be prawn cocktails or Pate, Roast Beef and all the trimmings, Apple pie followed by Cheese and Biscuits.

I will ensure that there will be copious amounts of wine served with each course, so Taxies will be required to get them home in the evening.

The above is something I do each year for the family and it always seems to be a great success and thoroughly enjoyed by all.

So, as stated, not all men are "selfish dorks" just the same as women in that respect.

B9exchange Thu 28-Mar-19 09:28:42

Well done GD1943, I am sure your family really love you for it!

dragonfly46 Thu 28-Mar-19 09:30:38

Sounds wonderful Grandad what a lovely man you are. I wish my DH would venture into the kitchen although my son is very much like you.