Mothers Day is cancelled

So, as stated, not all men are "selfish dorks" just the same as women in that respect.
No, they are not Grandad!

I just hope that muffin's DH is joking and has a surprise up his sleeve

Wow sounds like your guy wants a private secretary. I would tell him yep ordered yours mums flowers and mine off the kids.

You are not being unreasonable, it sounds like a very unkind thing to say and do. If you are upset and clearly you are, how would you feel about telling him exactly what you’re telling us. Whether or not it is simply a commercial celebration is absolutely immaterial. You are likely worn out with three little ones and an opportunity for you to be shown appreciation for your hard work is not a lot to ask. I wonder if you could possibly spend the day on your own and let him see that being mother for a day on his own is most likely considerably harder than his own employment, whatever that happens to be. Wouldn’t a day in the spa be glorious!

Actually if he is joking then he’s still being unkind and unloving - it’s not a joking matter when she must be knackered every day. It’s an abuse of power

What a cheek. If I were you I would take yourself off somewhere nice for the day and treat yourself. Let DH stay at home for a day and look after your beautiful 3 children and then might appreciate what being a full time mum is really about. He should be a good role model to your children in showing them how they can show you they appreciate and love you for all you do for them even it’s little things. Why couldn’t he have gone out and got whatever it was he wanted to give his mum? When your children are older i’m sure then they’ll have their own ideas about what they’d like to do for you - hope you do something really nice for yourself ?

Haven’t read all the replies although I imagine they’re similar to mine. I really wouldn’t let this past without telling your husband how upset you are. I wouldn’t have ordered the flowers. I would take myself out for the day on Sunday....and I’d seriously consider how selfish my husband had become and what I felt about that. It’s ok to laugh this off (unless it’s his warped idea of a joke) but it represents something much more fundamental. Express how you feel to him...on all levels.?

Some men are just like this, and don't give out compliments, treat their wives etc. Expect nothing but treat yourself, buy your own flowers, chocs etc. Your little ones will grow up loving you and showing it - I have never got much from my partner and former partners, but my kids are the most loving and appreciative people and they will be taking me out on Saturday, and be with their own families on Mothers day. Have patience and it will come good. I would ignore Father's Day too.

Having 3 kids under 4 is no easy task. I don't know how you would be able to go to work and look after them. It is a full time job and at least your dh seems to realise that and is working long hours so that you can be at home to look after them. Being on your own a lot, however, with no adult company, makes you even more sensitive to his comments.

It is Mothering Sunday when we all show our love, appreciation and respect for our mothers. That doesn't have to involve spending any money. If you went to church usually the children are asked to come up and take some flowers back for their mummy. The children love doing it and most churches don't mind if they make a noise - usually there is a play area. You don't have to be a regular churchgoer. All are welcome.

Oh, I feel so sad for you, muffin. Is this indicative of how he generally treats you. I see you are a SAHM on your DH's request, is it what you want to do? I think I should consider letting your DH know you don't feel appreciated and maybe working outside the home might make a difference. At the moment it seems he sees you as the little wife at home/personal assistant who among other things has no feelings! As ever, communication is key here. Let him know how you feel! I hope you have a lovely day on Sunday

Many years ago, when I asked what was happening 'today' (as it was my birthday), I was told that himself was clearing out the garage. So I took myself off for lunch alone, leaving him at home with DS.
Sadly being a stay-at-home mum is considered as not real work, by men and plenty of women who work full-time. I know I couldn't do it.
I don't know how far away MiL lives, but I'd be tempted to take her out to lunch on his credit card; tell him that you are telling his mum what a wonderful son she has, it was all his idea for him to look after the kids and to pay for a lovely meal for his 2 favourite women.
And please give the twerp a history lesson. Mothering Sunday is as old as the hills. In Victorian times, servants were given the day off to go home and see their mother. Some would walk ten miles or so, to see her, and get back to work.

Muffin, Does he show you in other ways that he loves and appreciates you? Also, does he expect cards/gifts on Fathers’ day and his birthdays? Do you have access to money of your own? If so I would definitely buy yourself a special treat. And even if it meant spending his money I would buy something nice anyway. Good luck

Those saying the OP shouldn't order the flowers for her MIL are being petty - it isn't her fault her son is so insensitive. In any event isn't it usually the wife who arranges cards and flowers - I know I always did for my MIL (a truly lovely lady).

Perhaps the OP could tell her DH how hurt she is feeling at his attitude and, if nothing turns up on Mothers Day announce as it is Mothers Day she is treating herself to a day out and leave him to cope with the kids

My first husband forgot Mother's Day one year- to be fair he had been working long hours & got home very late. On the Sunday morning the 2 boys- quite small then 2 1/2 &
4 1/2 I think- asked Daddy where Mummy's card & flowers were so they could give them to me as they had been advised was likely to happen at school/pre- school.
They were so upset when he said there was no card or flowers. Actually I was a bit miffed too but for them rather than me.
He had to dash out with them to local supermarket & get a card & flowers while I pretended not to have noticed & stayed in bed!
My point is that - yes- I was bit hurt but the children were beside themselves! I really think he needs to do something for the children's sake.
It's only a flaming card & a bunch of daffs after all. Part of me wonders if he actually has something rather special planned & wants to surprise you but then I am the internal optimist!

Muffinthemoo

Order flowers for yourself at the same time as you order MinL's flowers. You deserve them. Enjoy. Your DH needs to understand you better.

Cancel MIL flowers immediately, tell him where he gets off. Take the children out on Sunday for a picnic and leave him to his own devices. Remember Fathers Day is the made up one.

No, you’re not being unreasonable Muffinthemoo. Does he think being married to him is a reward in itself? You do need to sit down and have a long and meaningful discussion with him. I agree with others that you should go out for the day on Sunday. I feel very sad for you.

I don't know how far away MiL lives, but I'd be tempted to take her out to lunch on his credit card; tell him that you are telling his mum what a wonderful son she has, it was all his idea for him to look after the kids and to pay for a lovely meal for his 2 favourite women

I like this - don’t get mad, get even?

DH and I have 4 DD, all grown up before we met (both widowed previously). His eldest told me she didn't need a stepmother, which I get. All are married, all have little ones, all but one born after our marriage 7 years ago. Two families live a long way off, so we do not see them often, but his youngest is near enough for us to help and we babysit regularly. I would love a Mother's day card from them, but accept that I am not their mother and can never replace her.

I would have ordered two lots of flowers, one for you and one for mother in law, explain to husband that your children don't want to be left out, all their friends will be doing mothers day stuff. And I would forget about making him breakfast lunch etc, spend some time with your children, making cards or cookies, and when he gets hungry suggest you go out as a family to eat. Neither of my exhusbands bothered about mothers day, so often, neither did my children, now they have children of their own they make sure they get a special day, that is how I should have been too. Don't sit back and wait, teach your children that mothers day counts

I would write DH a letter, explaining that I am feeling undervalued, unloved, (and anything else that you feel). I would tell him how much I love him and the children, and value the long hours that he works to provide for us all. I would explain my fears for the future ( for example, my feelings of being undervalued may lead to resentment in the long term and damage to our relationship) . Finally I would tell him what behaviours need to change.
Writing a letter gives you time to explain without blaming. It reduces the risk of saying something that you may later regret. It also allows him time to read and digest without snapping. I hope this helps.

I do usually get cards flowers chocs off my Dc but this year ive been and bought myself 3 gifts only 13 -15 pound each because i actually think i deserve it my eldest is 32 my youngest 19 i dont expect anything off them but i do love a nice card and i have told the kids what ive bought and if they want to chip in they can, getting cheeky in my old age

I really hope your DH shows his appreciation in other ways? My DH is not one for big ‘romantic’ gestures and he can be insensitive at times, but in his own way he is quite thoughtful and is a kind and generous husband. I truly hope that your DH is thoughtful in his own way too. If he’s not I would really recommend you talking honestly and calmly as if this is not addressed these are the seeds which could grow into resentment and cause what could be a good marriage to eventually fall apart. On a practical level, if he doesn’t take the hint, leave him in charge of the kids and go on a spa day (or whatever takes your fancy) on his credit card and see how ‘easy’ it is to look after three small children. Good luck

I sympathise. It was a source of upset for me when my two children were small. My husband seemed to resent having to organise a card from them and perhaps breakfast in bed (their choice).‘You’re not my mother’ was the comment.
As the mother of his children, for me it was simply to teach them that Mothering Sunday was a special day to say thank you. Fortunately as adults they always send me a card and phone.

I have a friend who was told similar to this and was then given a special surprise treat on the day. Never give up hope.

John it’s a rotten thing to do - at its best it’s teasing but teasing soon becomes cruel and a form of bullying. As I said before it’s an abuse of power - emotional abuse. If that happened to me I’d stuff whatever they turned up with where the sun don’t shine.