Mothers Day is cancelled

Sorry for you Muffin. If it wasn't for the fact that he's getting flowers for his mother, I wouldn't worry. I am not too bothered about flowers and gifts. I don't mind a nice card. My sons will be celebrating with the mothers of their children and that's fine with me .

That's so hurtful. I would be asking your husband why his mum is worthy of flowers and not you. I'm wondering if you have had a gift from your children on previous Mother's days or is it just this year that's cancelled. I, like others have said, would arrange to go out for a meal with mother-in-law on his expense and tell him that you deserve a treat for all the hard work that you do too. So sad that you have no gift on other special days also. I'd certainly let him know how you feel!

You must feel so hurt.Explain to the children what a wo nderful fun day Mothers Day is,build it up,give them paper and crayons to make special pictures etc.Then if you can afford it go shopping for something you fancy and let them wrap it in something,see how you that goes ! Make waffles etc on the day,then try to do something you have always wanted to do ( probably with the children by the sound of it)
Start a tradition now,also I'd let MIL know, if possible,it's her bringing him up is the problem I guess you can't say that,pity.I had a similar problem in the past until the children always asked "What are we getting Mummy ?"
You are doing a very good job,thinking of you.

You husband is buying the flowers for his mother.
You are not his mother.
He is also aware that if he doesn't recognise the day, that he'll never hear the end of it.
You ought to recognise your mother and you will have your turn when your children are old enough to make cards and buy or make little gifts themselves.

You Your

So your DH has told you not to expect anything on MD, but you have done as you are told and ordered flowers for his mother? Your MIL gets flowers and you don't for one simple reason - she EXPECTS to get them (and has probably complained in the past if she doesn't) but you just suffer in silence. A very wise counsellor once told me "you teach people how to treat you". In that case - time to teach your DH (and, at the same time, your children) how YOU want to be treated. (Maybe learn from your MIL?)

It's all unnecessary expectation.
Mothers' day should be an all year round appreciation.
Why some people whine and sulk I have no idea.
Entitlement springs to mind.
Flowers but no chocs?
Chocs but no wine? Wine but no restaurant meal?
Wine but no flowers?
Will those things really make you feel valued if you have to remind your OH?
Decent men value you all year round, not with a last minute bunch of flowers picked and dispatched with a card written by the dispatcher from an unseen warehouse and paid for with plastic online.

OP isn't whining GG54 she said she would be happy with a chocolate orange. I don't think she expects a lot. It's just a kick in the teeth for him to announce mothers day is cancelled but, oh btw, get some flowers for 'my' mother.

I think muffin has been the bigger person and ordered them anyway. She's just hurt that he doesn't think to buy a little token from the tots to show his appreciation of her as a mother to his children.

I asked earlier what he does do. He obviously works hard and maybe he is good in other ways. If that's the case, then personally, I don't hold too much stock by occasions if you know you are appreciated deep down.

If it were me, I'd tell him it's hurtful. But not everyone seems to have the kind of relationships that have relaxed communication.

As others have said he may surprise you on the day. But if no card, small gift or surprise was forthcoming I would make my feelings and disappointment felt very strongly and loudly, and then I'd go out for the day and do something I want to do and leave him to cook dinner and look after the kids.

My DH only made that mistake once! I always bought a card and gift for my MIL because I liked her. Now that our sons are grown up and have their own families it's usually left to their partners to remember such occasions and and organise cards & gifts. I always tell them not to buy expensive flowers or make long surprise visits (we live 150 miles away), I'm happy with just a card. But I do feel very disappointed if I don't get even that! And I always remind the boys about Father's Day as DH gets quite hurt if they forget.

I know these occasions have become very commercialised now, but a card and a postage stamp costs less than the price of a cup of coffee or a beer and can mean so much to the recipient.

Whatever happens I hope you have a nice day on Sunday.

Possibly the Mothers Day thing is pinging at past hurts and fatigue/low mood.

I think it's important he teaches the kids to respect and appreciate their Mum- and MD deserves to be noted and celebrated.

I'm sorry you're going through this Muffin! I really hope it sorts out.

I should have clarified the flowers for MIL are from the grandchildren, not from him. I asked whether he wanted them addressed from him too and he advised "I don't want to get the old c* anything"

I think she would be hurt if her grandchildren did not acknowledge the day and I am not prepared to do that to her because her son chooses to behave badly. I am their mother and it is for me to show them the correct and courteous way to behave. Hence, flowers.

He has not bought the flowers anyway, I have taken the money out of my leftover Christmas money because I refuse to be affronted by his choices. FIL has asked him to bring the children for a visit at the weekend which apparently spurred the question as to whether I had got her flowers.

Lily yeah, we're getting over a nasty flu thing and it's been a slightly rough couple of weeks. I think I'm just feeling a bit tired and emotional.

It would be nice to feel appreciated and the children are not even old enough to wipe own bums so they can hardly be expected to do it. DH gets to do a lot of stuff career wise and socially because he is not expected to take any of the domestic load or to be at home or be available. He gets plenty out of our family arrangement.

I don't want 'stuff', I want to feel like what I do is noticed. I really mean it, a chocolate orange would be completely fine!! I keep any cards the wee ones get me in a wee box of memories and I would really appreciate one to go in there.

It is his duty to organise something on behalf of the very young children. A lesson on how to be kind to people. Treat yourself and try to have a nice day.

Oh no this thread made "Discussions of the Day'.....

My late mum used to say you could tell a lot about how a man would treat his wife by the way he treats his mother.
Maybe she had a point.

Don’t think that is always right MawBroon. Mine was nice to his mother!!!

Gillip that's a sad but very kind and thoughtful post. How hard it must have been for you both. I'm pleased that you have both found a way through the pain.


muffinthemoo are you happy with your partner/husband usually? You say you have been a bit low recently. He does sound rude about his mother and I do feel that you (maybe increasingly so) being treated like her.

I think the "mother's day" thing is only a symptom of what's going on and maybe you should take stock of your life. Make yourself a list of everything you are happy with, grateful for or that enriches your life. Make another of the tjings that pull you down. See how much of each list is about him, and whether you would genuinely be happier apart. Maybe you truly love him - and maybe he's kind and thoughtful in other ways. I hope so, because to me this isn't really about small gifts on a particular day.

Good luck.
You are doing the hardest job in the world and WE recognise it here.

muffin, in my humble opinion you are doing a good thing being at home while the children are so small. It's either that or you would be taking them back and forth to nursery. Hopefully little by little you will regain your independence and career and know you have done your best by the children.
It's so bloody boring and draining though. Would any friends baby sit so you and your partner could do something low effort eg see a film?

Mine was OK with his mother who was frosty and is OK with me. ( not frosty)

I would have ordered two big bunches of flowers, one for MIL and one for yourself and then put the ones for yourself in a very prominent place (a very big bunch).
If they are mentioned, say that I assumed that as you asked me to organise flowers for your mother, you weren't serious about Mother's Day not mattering so I saved you the time there too.

I haven't read the entire thread so apologies for any duplication.
Insensitive, crass, unkind, unfeeling, lacking empathy, what goes around comes around have all have gone through my mind but the most long winded is "does not realise on which side his bread is buttered".

Muffin If you have the time and energy I would suggest that on Father's Day which is Sunday, 16th June this year you put on a really big day for him - meal, cake, homemade cards, outing - the lot! Nothing commercially made but all labelled "made with love and appreciation" Just explain that you have come to realise that expressed love and appreciation mean more than anything in the world to you and it is so sad when it doesn't happen.

On the other hand if finances allow just order for yourself the biggest arrangement of flowers you can find!

Or both!

I think you would be justified in going on strike on Sunday. Regardless of the hours HE works! This will be my first Mother Day without DH but he always bought me flowers (and his Mother) but said I was the Mother of HIS children. Actually Mothering Sunday is a church celebration it has just been hijacked by some commercial organisations

Yes Fathers Day effort could be good but I have done similar and it has gone over his head!!! Is it worth the effort?

"I don't want to get the old c* anything"
That is an appalling way for him to speak about his mother, even if she is a difficult person.

Mother's Day is cancelled conveys that he is deliberately choosing to disregard you on that day. That is very unkind.
I say that as someone who has always been unbothered about 'special' days being ignored - but I would have felt hurt if a deliberate intention to disregard me was announced.

Definitely buy yourself some flowers anyway.

Mothers Day has been rather hijacked by commercialism and I can understand someone not wanting to buy into the commercial element. However, why is your partner prepared to participate in such commercialism with regard to his Mum - and why is he asking you to sort out flowers for her?

Someone can sidestep the commercialism by showing their appreciation in other ways - a home made card, a special breakfast or meal, doing a few extra chores so that Mum can have a break, etc, etc.

I would be upset - but also very annoyed.