Friends after retirement and move?

If you have a local online forum perhaps you could 'advertise' yourself. "New to the area. Looking for things to do, and friends to make". Perhaps suggest a meet-up in a local cafe for any others in the same situation. Post it for several weeks in succession. If people turn up you could discuss a joint activity such as a walk, a meal, or a trip to the theatre.

There are probably other people also looking for friends. If nothing comes of it, at least you have explored one avenue.

Is there a branch of the U3A close by? They meet each month but also have associated interest groups that might be suitable. Also, would you consider the WI? You would be sure to meet new people and I'm positive your help would be appreciated with their projects.

Have a look and see what activities there are and see if you can find some to go to on your own. If your husband doesn't want to go you can't force him and if you do he may be such a miserable sod you'll wish you hadn't! Church is usually very welcoming. If you like walking is there a walking group - they usually meet weekly. WI only meets once a month. Perhaps there is an art group, sewing group, gardening group or something you are interested in where you can meet like minded people.

I believe you have to 'go it' alone and make your own friends in as much that when DH observes how you are enjoying yourself with your new found friends he may? want to join in. If this does not come about then maybe he just does not feel the need for others and their activities and is no reflection on you. Don't push. If he wants a quiet life so be it. It was my DH who wanted to be here there and everywhere on retirement and although we made new friends mainly due to DH and his interests, I was happy with a' quiet life' ?This being a 'huge garden' !! in dire need of TLC that came with the property we moved into on H retirement.

How about joining an excercise class,yoga or a balance class,if there is a accessible swimming pool very often people do a class then have coffee.Put a small advert up for local ladies to meet for coffee at a cafe,worse case you will be the only one--------fund raise for a local group,you meet lots of people.You probably have a talent you could teach people as a fund raiser.Local theatre group,you don't have to act you could help with anything they need.Good luck.

Oh dear! I can see this would be me if we undertook such a move - DH is always very happy to sit doing nothing at the weekends, as his job is fairly people-intensive. We moved to a new area when we were newly-married, and he only joined in with things when I started going out without him to pursue my own interest in amateur drama. I don't think I'd rely on him for developing a new social life if we moved when we retire.

If you can find an active church, it would provide volunteering opportunities as well as a chance to meet people. Churches can be a bit cliquy, but if you're able to offer to help, you should find like-minded people.

It is very difficult to make new friends at our age .If there are clubs to join then do it , go to the church yourself but it really is hard. I regret moving and leaving good friends behind especially as many of the friends we did make here have died . Our social life has shrunk to next to nothing . DH does not bother but I feel we are wasting the last years of our lives .

We moved from a city to a small town a couple of hours away and, looking back, it took about 5 years to make new friends. Most of my new friends came through church, which DH did not attend with me. Does your church run community outreach events, such as toddler groups, elderly lunches, a social club for isolated people? They might be good things to volunteer for as you know you have something in common with the organisers. Does the church have midweek home groups, as these are a way of getting to know people better. Your husband might get to know your friends further down the line, this is how it has worked for us as I am the more sociable one. I wish you luck!

Could you invite a couple of lots of neighbours for a meal?

We moved to London from Scotland just over 3 years ago. It is harder to make friends again but I have met a lovely group of ladies at the monthly Meetup of the Redbridge Gransnetters. I have also met a lovely group of ladies through the Knit and Natter meetings held in our local library. I have become particularly close to one of this group and next week I will join her at another weekly Ladies Group that she attends.
The point that I am trying to make is that making new friends at our age takes time but I do think that it is easier in a large city simply because of the greater number of people and groups around. Moving from a city to a small village makes things a lot harder.

Thank you all for good advice. I’m afraid I misled though. I am busy enough. I volunteer at Hospice House as a respite caregiver, caring for the dying once a week and also at our thrift store. I’m also on our city task force working with the mayor, city planner and police etc to keep our community informed of needs and changes. As stated hubby is a quiet man but we had a few friends in our old town that we would get together with once a month or more to play cards, go to the movies or other activities with. He had friends at work, I had friends in my book club and cooking classes and my daughters. I thought things would continue over here but with new friends. However it didn’t. He is content with talking briefly with two neighbors men and on the phone with a friend from work past. In all honesty I think he just prefers being with me. Now I know that sounds sweet and wonderful to a lot of women and I AM very greatful. But I have known the man since I was 15 and I have always liked people way more than he. I would love to go to pubs or the new wine bars but most here are frequented by 40+ yr old and my husband was an alcoholic until he was mid 40’s. So I don’t enjoy that with him ? Yes, I’m a Yank, lived in busy busy Seattle WA for 40 yrs now live way up in N Idaho near Canada. It’s gorgeous but no culture like theaters or symphonys etc like Seattle. And I do miss the ocean. A lot!! But it’s a better life here at more than half the cost and crowds. If I could just figure out what or how to do the joint friends thing. Happy Sunday all!! Thanks for being here!

Book Groups are good.

I feel very sorry for you and I do identify with the problem. We took early retirement and moved from a big city to the country. The uprooting was a huge shock to the system and I was in a terrible state to start with.
Getting involved with the community is the only way. I gritted my teeth and did a bit of volunteering. It cracked the ice and I went on from there. It doesn’t have to be shop work. You can help in all sorts of ways: litter collecting {- very popular just now), at the hospital, at any charity - they need admin, helpers, etc - I was asked to help out with a scout group- just another pair of hands was all they wanted.
The best thing is, you are a volunteer and can duck out any time you like if you do not feel its for you.
The first step is the hardest. After that, its much better. People will not come to you, you have to go to them. Good luck.

Ah, that makes things clearer Mousepotato.

A starting point would be those activities which you enjoyed together in Seattle. It sounds like your husband may not be comfortable in large gatherings.

Would you consider hosting a small card playing group in your home? Three small tables, twelve people, six pairs or couples including yourselves. Is there a local bridge club or similar that you could make contact with? Or simply put up a poster somewhere inviting people.

When I first learned to play bridge I found it hard to make the transition from learning to being able to bid and play fast enough to participate in duplicate bridge with the more experienced players. As a halfway house I hosted sessions at my house for inexperienced players to get up to speed. Coffee and cake helped things along and gave players an opportunity for a break to talk about other things.

I don't know what is available movie-wise in your local community. In mine we have two large multiplexes but also a couple of small independent subscription clubs which meet at local theatres to watch movies which don't always make the bigger screens, small budget or foreign language movies. We watch the movies together then go on somewhere for a coffee or drinks to discuss. The group comprises couples and singles of all ages.

never mind about him . think about you .go work in the local charity shop. you meet plenty of people and its good fun .and go to church...get a dog ...go walking ..just go out ....

Agree you have to find your own activites and get involved with things you love, are interested in ... and leave him at home if he won't join in.

I'm afraid, so many retiring couples move out to the country- be it in UK or in France, Italy, Portugal, etc- without real preparation. I know many couples who moved to SW FRance after falling in love with the village life out there- great between May to October- and then the bad weather comes, and everything just dies and marriages break-up and they hit the bootle. We did the same, but to a region we knew really well and were we have very strong friends and speak the language, and with good public transport. But even so, I have lots of activities he doesn't share- and so has he- and it works very well.

Craftyone - I agree, friends you make in later life are a different thing from friends from your youth. I think once you get a job you enter the realm of people you know but have to keep a distance from and there it starts.

I have made a couple of friends from charity work, have a coffee or whatnot, but they never come to my home or vice versa which I believe is quite common. No comparisons made or preparations needed. Someone to have a natter with. Works for me.

If hubby is happy pottering all day that's up to him.

Why not do something on your own, do you not have confidence?
My husband and I have been together 50 years but we don't live in each other pockets.
There are things we do together but we also have separate interests.
It makes for a better relationship.
Join the U3A organisation it has many interest groups.
You could do something every day if you wanted and never be bored.

Your husband is now happy it seems with what he has maybe he never liked all the social life line you and moving was his way of having a life he wanted Anyway talk to him let have his life the way he wants it and you go and join a church or clubs But it is selfish for either of you to want the other to do want they want Each person has the right to live a busy or relaxed retired life

greengran, that is a bit tricky, advertising oneself as looking for a friend. Scammers and fraudsters are rife, I personally know one gentleman in a couple who was made a target by someone who befriended him as a retired friend. He is now minus £8000. Could be even worse for a single looking for a friend. A male on a cruise met a woman, married on board and he is now minus everything, house, savings pension

All, stay sharp and aware and realise that someone who latches on, shows compassion and is fiancially aware, just may be a scammer. Personally I am happy to keep that bubble around me, to chat in a comfortable group and to forgo friendships that are forced

oh btw, my own bil to my late sister, aspergers and obviously rich living in a large house in a very nice area. He was made a target in church, obviously a woman who searched through the obituaries, she started to appear in his church and edged closer and closer to a needy man. If his own adult children had cared more then she would never have been able to make him dependent on her. He married her in a registry office and the 4 children never get to see their dad

Fountain Pen both good ideas! I never thought about cards parties. We had these when we were younger and we both enjoyed it quite a bit, except we played poker way back then. We also have a large movie complex as well as a small family owned theater that we have gone to several times as a group with our real estate agent/owner. Thank you for understanding that this is just an occasional thing I am looking for, like once a month, not looking to change my husbands personality or to live in each other’s pockets. We get along great and we both go out and do our own thing as well as enjoy each other’s company. I thank you for the good ideas and so did hubby.

Good grief! Someone worked for a charity where her line-manager was a bully. If that happens, leave! And tell the charity. There are plenty more, all really needing volunteers. The spouse might be more difficult, but possibly a reading group for men? There aren't many, but they are worth seeking out

I was in the same situation. Moved somewhere new with no friends or acquaintances. Tried U3A but no room on any courses I was interested in. Finally found a group on a ‘Streetwise app’ where there are so many meet ups I could be busy every day. My husband is content to shut himself away with the internet. The people are all very pleasant. No close friends yet but at least I don’t feel lonely. It’s hard to move to a new, unknown area for the retirement years.

exFen, charity shops are not all about tweaking a few scarves and untangling necklaces. It is damn hard physical work and you have to navigate the various dynamics....like " I always do the till on Tuesdays" " We don't do it like that here". " You have to bring your own milk" and so on.....