DIL not pulling her weight

Keep things simple in fiture so there is less scope for annoyance.

You wont change her so just make the type of plans where you wont end up picking up the slack

They all sound utterly charming. NOT.

Never agree to host her parents again.

Some people eh?

Keep your mouth shut but say NO if there is a next time! She will know why.

Not much help, I know, but it's when I read things like the OP that I realise how glad I am that neither OH nor I have any close family so this kind of thing can't happen.

For sure, I would have told DiL what I really think long before now!

Not worth it Clare - you will lose your son. Bite your tongue ....all the best xx

Thanks guys. You're all right. I know there's no magic solution apart from gritted teeth and wine
Another highlight was after dinner, homemade quiche, the mother asking
'I'm not being funny, but did you make the pastry or was it shop bought?'
When I said shop bought,
she replied' why? pastry is soooo easy, I just chuck it all in a bowl' I could have slapped her...

sounds like you dont actually LIKE any of them..so why did you let them stay with you? Maybe ,just maybe she told her mother the truth about the bar job and told you a different story to avoid dropping your son in it!
You should never listen to one side of a story where a marriage is concerned and you should never take sides ....ever.Its their marriage ,their business so keep out of it.Dont have her family if you dont want to and keep your distance if you dont like your sons choice of wife.His loyalty is with her ...not you .

I was astonished by the utter entitlement of your awful in laws.
Next time they try and attempt to stay, you and your DH might think of developing a mysterious illness that demands that you have to leave immediately for a warmer climate. Lol
Otherwise you need to practice saying “ NO” What a cheek!!!!

I think I agree with paddyann. Your son’s choice. Don’t cause trouble. No need to Agee to have them again though.

she replied' why? pastry is soooo easy, I just chuck it all in a bowl' I could have slapped her...

"Oo you sound like a pro, I would love to try it, will you make it for us tomorrow?"

And for future reference, no need for excuses. To quote MN, "no" is a complete sentance. If pushed add "that won't work for us".

Should it come up again, which would seem unlikely, I would have an excuse ready. eg. Illness, going away, being invaded by Martians etc. Apart from that, as has already been said, just chalk this up to experience and say nothing.

You should be close enough with your son to have a conversation about this. In future he can be responsible for rousing her off the couch to prep some meals when they are expecting her parents. His wife, his in-laws.
You were very graceful to host.

Once bitten, twice shy. As everyone says, if asked again, just say no.

I would have found a reason to go out on days 2,3,4, saying'I was only expecting you to be at my house first and last thing so we had arranged to visit friends in some place 100 miles away, we will be back about 8.00pm.

Distance yourself mentally from DiL, so that you just roll your eyes heavenward when she starts making things up, rather than get angry about it. When you see her parents, always express surprise if she tells them a different story to the one she told you. Always remind her, 'Oh you told me it was because........ Have things changed?'

Keep a nice distance, let her machinations roll off you like a ducks back and play her at her own game.

Omg!!! The pastry comment cheeky cow!

Op the very best thing I have learned is to say no!! Seriously it’s so empowering just no! I can’t it doesn’t suit!

I have 4 wonderful children and so far 2 dils and grandchildren who I adore and help with but sometimes it’s just no I can’t help or host or have.

Suggest you do that going forward

All wrong from the start. Do they have access to funds? They should have booked into a Travel Lodge.

I said yes simply to be supportive, I know my DIL misses her mum dreadfully, and mothers day etc.
It's a difficult situation. As I said in my op I have kept my opinions and feelings to myself for 7 years. I wouldn't dream of telling my son as it would just put him in a conflicted position and make things awkward.
My issue is simply how to manage things going forward. I'm thinking about Easter Sunday and doing a lunch, but the mere thought of all the effort, not just making the lunch, but waiting on them hand and foot until about 8pm, watching my granddaughter getting overtired, my DIL sitting on the couch breast feeding her for hours, trying to stop DH showing how grumpy he's getting, keeping the dog out of DIL's way.
I feel my mojo is at a low ebb, all the joy is sucked away and resentment is taking over. And that's not cool.
I adore my granddaughter and my son. I have to find a way to get over this frustration and anger with my DIL. She's not a horrible person, she's a loving mum. She's just useless at doing anything approaching pulling her weight.

Maybe I'm just at a low ebb post kidney infection. Gah!

Don’t arrange anything enjoy Easter just you and your dh.

If your dil is still bf a 2 year old, which Is up to her btw, are you kind of feeling that’s annoying you? Not having a pop just thinking maybe it does??

My advice you chill! Don’t host anything chill and step back a bit.

And good for you keeping it from your son. Keep doing that op.

The breast feeding at 2 years old doesn't bother me in itself. this is a whole other can of worms,
Basically my GD has no bedtime routine, has always slept with mum, is breastfed to sleep. Mum and Dad are suffering lack of sleep and lack of time together. DIL takes GD upstairs to bed around 8.30pm, feeds her to sleep, then stays with her as DIL and my son are scared to leave her in bed on her own in case she falls out.
GD eats practically no actual food as she breast feeds all the time.
My son has been sleeping in the spare room since GD was born.
Both moan constantly about how tired they are, yet do absolutely nothing about it.
It's hard to listen to their constant complaints and watch what seems like a slow motion car crash, feeling totally helpless.
My only issues re the breast feeding is that I worry that my GD is not getting the nutrients she needs from a diet that is mainly breast milk, and it seems like my DIL is using it as a way of getting everyone to wait on her hand and foot.
I let them vent, and give them cake, tea and sympathy. I tend not to offer any advice as the one time I gently suggested a bed time routine my son told me off for preaching. It's a no win situation.

What did your son do to host his inlaws? Surely he should have been sharing the preparations such as shopping and cooking etc as well.

Don't 'do' Easter!

After your recent experience it's just not worth it. If you have to say you're too ill - do it!

Learn to say 'no' very firmly and ask your husband to tell your son that "Mum's just not up to it at the moment".

Rant here as much as you like. I'm more than happy to read any PM rants if you wish. My sister was very much like your dil and my Mum despaired too.

Relax. Time is a great healer. When DGD is 5 she will be weaned surely.
I wish people would say how they feel.
You with a kidney infection. Struggling on when you needed nursing.
Oh dear me!
When I was younger I wanted to do everything, now I am old i have no such ambitions.
I would have got carry-outs. As for the dogs......
Everyone has a breaking point. You are discovering yours.