DIL not pulling her weight

This is way too much for you OP. You have been very ill ( that must tell you something).

They are taking the p***.

There is no Easter. They do an on line shop and prepare a buffet.

I'm thinking about Easter Sunday and doing a lunch

Don't!

If they invite you to theirs - great.
If they invite themselves to yours, say no. And get DH to back you up.

Honestly op saying no sometimes is really really empowering.

If they moan then tell them your views and if your dh tells you off for preaching then tell him off for moaning.

Stop being so nice and door Matty!

Think of yourself ClareAB You have been ill and need to recuperate. Could you not go out for lunch, you could then leave promptly pleading tiredness.
As for the way the parents are bringing up their daughter, that is for them to decide even if it makes you cross, it would make me annoyed. Don't enter any discussion with them over this now, I presume you have already explained why they are tired etc. Sometimes it's best just to leave people to come to their own realisation.

Anyone who puts up with hosting awful people a second time is a fool.....so make the first time the last one.You were not to know how things would be.

grammaretto is right, I doubt the child will be allowed to go school with mother in tow so that she can be breast fed regularly.

I would just opt out of the whole thing,,be as lazy as she is, say no to stay-overs, no to providing meals and no to entertaining.

Just say you are too old and too tired and having her family to stay just made clear to you how little you can manage these days without being exhausted.

Exactly MOnica op the first time you say no is hard but it will get easier and you will feel so much better.

Also you drawing back a bit might spur them up a bit if you see what I mean.

Don't have her parents to stay another time,

If they come for a short visit, ask them to leave their dog in their car, "Because of what happened last time" If they refuse to do so, put their dog in one room and yours in another.

If you are ill next time they come, take to your bed and leave them with many apologies to look after themselves, if you insist on having them back that is.

There is nothing you can do about your DIL -as your son apparently doesn't consider her useless.

Thanks folks. Like many people I struggle to say no, I hate hurting peoples feelings.

However the saying 'don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm' seems like a good philosophy

so you are not going to make yourself even more ill by laying on an Easter meal then?

Grrrrrrrr

First, so sorry for your illness and hope you are doing better now.

Secondly, very sorry, also, that dh was bitten by that nasty dog, and hope he's ok.

It sounds as if you have managed to maintain a good relationship with dil all these years if she felt comfortable asking you to host her parents. I'm not sure what she meant when she said that her parents would come back to you already "fed" in the evening. Since she apparently didn't opt to cook, she either expected them to cook for themselves (as they did the first night), hoped ds would cook for them, or expected them to eat out. Or she was just saying that to get you to say yes. Who knows? I'm sorry she told you and her mum two different reasons for not taking that job. I'm sure she had her reasons for each story, but, clearly, one of them wasn't true. Her mum shouldn't have told you that she griped about ds though. It's her mum who was out of line there, imo.

Iv heard of ebf (exclusive breastfeeding - no solid foods, just breastmilk) but not up to 2 years old. As long as gd seems to be healthy, however, that's not up to you. Neither are their sleeping arrangements or whether or not they get enough sleep. It's not fair, imo, that they lay their fatigue issues on you, though, if they're not willing to do anything about them. From now on, I would just say something sympathetic ("Aww) and change the subject.

I agree with others that you should simply not host dil's parents again. Imo, you don't have to make up an excuse, just say no, it doesn't work for you, and stick to your guns. It's very kind of you to care about how dil misses her mum, but they can pay for lodging, surely. And definitely don't let their dogs in your house. They'll know why.

Like others, I hope you're not doing Easter lunch at your house. Better to make reservations and all go out to eat. No fuss, no muss, no work falling all on one or two people, yet you'll still have a good meal and enjoy yourselves. Or just celebrate Easter at home with dh and let them have Easter to themselves with baby. Either way, imo, everyone will be more relaxed.

Take care of yourself...