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I'm sad today

(55 Posts)
whywhywhy Tue 23-Apr-19 21:12:41

It's 10 years today since my mam died and I miss her so much. I took flowers to the crematorium this morning and sat and talked to her. I laughed and cried at some of the memories that came into my head. She was a lovely mam and fabulous gran. I need a hug. X

Tamayra Wed 24-Apr-19 12:07:07

Me too
Not many happy memories for me either
Didn’t shed a tear when she died

MooM00 Wed 24-Apr-19 12:43:22

My Mum died 2 years ago on Valentine's Day. I find it so hard to think about that day it has traumatic memories for me. Whilst my Mum lay dieing in the room my Sister just flipped and lost the plot over a silly thing, she went berserk we ended up physically fighting in the room. It went on for a while. I had to send a text to my Nephew to come and get her as I literally thought she was going mad. He came and took her away whilst his wife said she would stay with my mum whilst I had a break. My mum Sadler died whilst I wasn't their. My biggest fear is that I hope my mum never heard us.. The tears are dripping down my face right now I will never forgive my sister for as long as I live. I have never spoken to her about why she acted as she did as I dony want to repeat it again.

EthelJ Wed 24-Apr-19 12:58:48

Mine died 10 years ago. Sometimes though it seems as though it was yesterday or if she is still here. The other morning just as I was waking I felt her presence very strongly. I think it's because our mothers are the people we have the strongest and longest relationship with and they love us unconditionally in a way noone else ever will.
The sad thing is I don't think. I fully appreciated her when she was here.

GinJeannie Wed 24-Apr-19 13:06:35

Tamayra......hugs and lots of understanding coming your way.

Ramblingrose22 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:14:11

I think whywhywhy is very fortunate to have had a close and loving relationship with her mother.

I know how she must be feeling because I had that kind of relationship with my late father who died when I was 19.

However I'm with GinJeannie and Tamayra regarding my late mother.

She was hostile to me and verbally abused me from early childhood onwards whilst appearing to others to be meek, mild and very caring. She kept that up all her life.

When she died 6 years ago and I felt that she had tormented me for long enough.

Hazeld Wed 24-Apr-19 13:51:23

It's been almost 5 years since I lost my mom and I miss her every day too. I think a lot of us here understand how you feel so I can only offer hugs to you and hope you feel better soon flowers

whywhywhy Wed 24-Apr-19 14:07:10

Thank you for the wonderful words of kindness. X

Destin Wed 24-Apr-19 15:13:49

So sad you still have a heavy heart. My mum died over 40 years ago and it’s hard to say I miss her because she has been out of my life for so long.....but I certainly feel she is with me all the time! I know that sounds strange but I believe the person I am now - at the age of 76 - is also part of her! I am also thankful that she died quickly without suffering any long term chronic illnesses although there is sadness attached to the fact the she didn’t see her grandchildren grow into adulthood. I love being this “integrated” human being now - I carry her wiseness and independence - but losing her when I was in my early 30’s had taught me to value and respect my own health because I want to be watch my own grandchildren grow into adulthood. Thanks Mum for passing on your strengths and beliefs to me - I value that ongoing gift every day!

gillybob Wed 24-Apr-19 15:19:33

I lost my mum 3 years ago this month. We didn't have a great deal in common other than our shared love of reading. She was very ill for the last years of her life and reading was one of the few things she could still manage to do. Every time I read a good book I feel like I want to pass it on to her to read....

I also feel really sad that my mum never got to know that my DD had a baby of her own after being told (and accepting with a heavy heart), that this would never happen.

harrysgran Wed 24-Apr-19 17:04:02

My mam has been gone 26 years and I miss her a lot I often talk to her or I think how would my mam have dealt with a problem she would have been 101 years old this Friday I was her change baby as the doctor insisted it was the menopause?

Harris27 Wed 24-Apr-19 18:23:50

Thank you for your kind words tiny dancer means a lot x

Disneyfan Wed 24-Apr-19 18:49:28

Miss my mam everyday but feel her presence frequently. It will be 3 years soon and missing her doesn't get easier but we are all learning to cope. Big hugs and cwtches to you. X

Tooyoungytobeagrandma Wed 24-Apr-19 19:50:04

2t years this year since I lost my mum with my dad a few weeks after. Whilst I loved my dad it's my mum I miss the most. Sometimes when having a particularly hard day I wish I could ring her up for a "chat" as that always seemed to put the world straight again. She always knew what thd problem was even if I didn't tell her. I'm in my 60s and sometimes just need a hug from my mum flowers

Milo27 Wed 24-Apr-19 22:00:58

You are luck to have had a fab Mum, we are not all so lucky x Better to have loved and lost...………… x

moggie57 Wed 24-Apr-19 22:49:21

its 20 years since my mum died.some days i cant get myself up and going.i think of her constantly. i got her a mothers day card like i do every year. on my birthday i have a card where i change the numbers as i get older.its a card with a cake with loads of candles .people think i'm daft doing that .but it helps me to get through a day. then i think i hope i reach 65 maybe more. my mum died of ovarian cancer.....i was there to care for her in her final days . i was on auto pilot.i wish my mum was here to see her great grandchildren.......writing in a diary really helps. try it..........but most of all make the best of each day .life is so short......and you never know when its you, god will take some people i felt really guilty when she died but it was a relief to see her suffering end. it never really kicked in that she had died for a few months....

Grandson2008 Thu 25-Apr-19 10:22:06

I lost my lovely mum 3 years ago next month and I miss her more than at the beginning I think there is so much going on you don't have time to properly grieve but as time moves on it hits you little things like phone calls about silly stuff or times when you just need your mum. I think it makes you cling more to your own children. I will always miss her and I feel so bad for all what I didn't do for her. I am trying to be there for my dad. So I say mums are precious x

LuckyFour Thu 25-Apr-19 16:53:45

My mum died 13 years ago. I wish I had spent more time with her but there was 300 miles between us and I was working so it was difficult. I still feel guilty though. She was a lovely, kind, gentle person. I miss her.

OPgrndtr Fri 26-Apr-19 01:48:33

I'm sad, too. I and my DH are caregivers for my sweet, generous and loving DM who is almost blind and 84 y/o. I had to make an appointment for her today. We will be seeing a lawyer next week to remake her old will. My dad died four years ago, and I helped her care for him his last two years. I should be used to this, but every time her mind slips a bit more I cry. My DH told me this morning that he will be forever grateful to my DM for raising me well like a lady. I made sure that he told her that, too.
Many hugs for all of us that are grieving.

GrandmainOz Fri 26-Apr-19 07:47:22

whywhywhy a virtual hug to you. My mother died last year.
I had a difficult childhood and we didn't have a good relationship really until my son died, then it was like something changed in her. She was my biggest supporter and saw me through the blackest of feelings without judgement. Amazing.
And them she was taken so young - 67 - by damned ovarian cancer.
I think about her every day. It's so painful isn't it?
I know she loved me, despite everything, and I definitely loved her.
I wish we'd had more time. But I expect that's a very common feeling!
Love to all who grieve for their mother - and also to those who didn't know their mother's love flowers

Avor2 Thu 23-May-19 15:39:57

A really big hug coming your way xxx

mcem Thu 23-May-19 16:03:47

11 years ago my mum died just days after my 60th birthday (March) and her funeral was on Good Friday.
A year later all three of us sisters were presented with a new grandchild - mid March, early April and mid April.
Move on 10 years and my new GS arrived this Easter Sunday, completing the circle.

TerriBull Thu 23-May-19 16:32:42

11 years for me too in July. I still miss her like mad, It's a shame she didn't know she had a great granddaughter less than a year later, I think she was a little disappointed I never had a daughter because we were very close and she found my brother a bit of a trial. Nevertheless, I was glad that she didn't live long enough to know he'd be dead only a couple of years later. I know that would have devastated her. I feel fortunate to have had a wonderful mother, commiserations whywhywhy I understand how you feel flowers

TerriBull Thu 23-May-19 16:40:00

Less than 2 years later, I'm making my granddaughter older than she is, she was born 2010, mum died 2008.

boat Thu 23-May-19 23:20:25


I sympathise with you: I have lost a few family members that I loved and cherished but in a way, you are lucky.

I had, "The Mother from Hell", as I think several GNers on this thread had.

You are lucky that you can remember your mother with love and respect: I can't. I can just remember thinking as a seven year old, "If I have kids I will never treat them like this ", and I never did!

I had very little contact with my mother after I was 15 as I went into care. She must be dead as she had me in her 40s and I am 75.

It's just as well. I could not have left her alone in a room with my son.

BlueSapphire Fri 24-May-19 08:17:24

Me too GinJeannie and Tamayra. I didn't shed a tear either. Always envious of those people who have brilliant relationships with their mothers, never happened for me. I too vowed never to treat my children as we were treated. She was very handy with a wooden spoon.... Don't remember any cuddles or hugs or nice words. When she died though, the family pulled together and gave her a good send-off. I think her early life in a children's home in the 1920s had a great impact on the way she brought us up. She had no experience of a loving normal family life, and brought us up following the rules of the children home. So sad really.