Names

As a teacher I found that two surnames always created problems: wouldn't fit into spaces on registers and official forms, name cards, tray labels, books, clothes etc.
I agree.

DH's family was double barrelled but thankfully dropped the practice and just used the patronymic surname a couple of generations ago. MIL could have added hers, I could have added mine and our DC would have had a quadruple barrelled surname if we'd continued the practice!

Rather than 'keeping up with the Jones's' it seems more like keeping up with the the Rees-Moggs, the Vane-Tempest-Stewarts, the Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpes, the Pole-Tylney-Long-Wellesleys and, of course, the Mountbatten-Windsors!

NotSpag sorry until recently the only double barrelled names I have come across and been really posh people. Either you are very posh or I have missed out

Did you marry someone who was double barrelled? No one has answered my question about DB marrying another DB and what they use for surnames.

DH's family must have been posh Nonnie but we've come down in the world now

Jonnie did your mother never teach you if you didn’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything?
Ironic and absolutely priceless Bibbity

anxious if gn makes you anxious perhaps you should avoid it but when one poster disagrees with another it is not directed at you so please don't take it personally. Incidentally it was not me who used the word 'nut'.

There is history to this disagreement and my comments were for the benefit of the OP who could have been driven to behave in a way they might regret if they had followed the advice given by someone who is young and has no contact with her MiL. I don't know if she does much on other threads but have seen a lot of MiL bashing, so much that I remember it and, because I care about other people, I wanted to put some perspective on her post.

I'm sorry if this upset you and hope you will now understand that I said it for the benefit of the OP. I have a great relationship with my sons' wives so it was not about me!

I’m absolutely baffled. I made a comment which Several other made and yet I’ve been jumped on repeatedly. I’ve not been given a reason for this other than some vague reference to some other threads!
What exactly have I done wrong?!

Why is it OK for Nonnie to follow me here and make such comments?

Iam64 I shouldn't say this, but I was a bit relieved to take on DH's surname when I married and wouldn't have double-barrelled it.
sorry Dad.

Me too Callistemon

History of this disagreement?! What disagreement I have no idea who you are!

Razzy did you hyphenate your two surnames? Perhaps your MIL just assumes that your surname has been used as a second forename?
That happened in my own family, a surname has been used as a second forename for boys in the family for centuries.

Hi Razzy, what’s so weird about having a double-barrelled surname? It’s exactly what my husband and I did when our 2 sons were born, with his name first followed by my own one. Worked for us!

If it's not hyphenated it is not double barrelled, it is just another name and people would assume that the last name only is the surname.

But she hasn’t just assumed. The OP says that her husband has had to explain this multiple times to his mother.

A first occurrence could easily be forgiven for a mistake but this has clearly become a show of stubbornness.

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is useful

I'm not sure I could bring myself to fall out with somebody who was being petty about a name and I certainly wouldn't threaten that she wouldn't see the child but I might return to sender with "Not known at this address!" for anything not addressed correctly if I was in the wrong mood when it arrived. I'd probably just let her get on with it and put it down to her lacking the social graces of a younger generation.

As far as I am concerned it would warrant a big sigh and an utterance of 'Your Mother!!!' in exasperation.
But then, I dearly loved my exasperating MIL.

If you want to make a point then just return all wrongly addressed posted mail or hand delivered cards back to her, unopened. I can't see how it will occur when spoken unless it's how she speaks about her grandchild to her friends.
If that is the case, then correct her in front of them or if they use it incorrectly because that is what they have been told before so won't know differently, then speak to them personally and say how annoying you find it.

Stupid comment

To me anyone can have a double-barrel name if they want one but don't force it onto other people. Making people call you by the full double-barrel name shows you are just so far up you own backside that you think you are better than anyone else [ people I just cannot stand ]. Be known in public by one surname or the other but not both, just makes you look so stuck-up, I suppose that is really the main reason people do it to try and be better than other people. Cannot stand people who insist on being called by both surnames, stop trying to be something you are not. You are no better than I am.

Where did Granma Bob come from, that is not short for Barbara? or are you just being thick?

Ellie666 Not sure who your first post is aimed at but I disagree with your second, that people are trying to be better than others. Most people these days who add a surname are trying to recognise that their children are part of two families that have come together. I considered keeping my surname as it was unusual. I was often asked where it came from and my flippant reply was 'From my dad.' but there are few left from my relatives with the name as my father had sisters who both changed their names, as I did on marriage. I wish I'd kept it in some form. It has continued as my brother had 2 sons but unusual names can potentially be lost which is sad. The OP nowhere suggests she is better than you!

Hi Bibbity....I’m with you on this one. I don’t like either of my grandkids names...but I use them. Thier names belong to them. This mother in law is disrespectful and needs a good hand slapping.

I'm happy to call my GC what their parents call them. But I can't say I ever use their surnames - why would I ? The whole thing seems like a storm in a teacup.

Good question about what happens in the NEXT generation though!

The next generation will make their own decisions regarding their names and the names of their children. Not very difficult and doesn’t affect anyone else.