Gransnet forums


Going away without DH

(34 Posts)
RamblingRosie Fri 03-May-19 13:04:27

My sister has asked me if I would accompany her on a walking holiday in UK for a week. However I am not sure how to broach the subject with my DH as he doesn’t like me going away on my own. Should I just bite the bullet, book the holiday anyway and then tell him a few weeks before I go or tell him now and risk him being awkward for the next 2 months?
I would really like to go on this holiday and we can afford it.
Do any of you go away without your DH or am I being unreasonable? Incidentally my DH doesn’t like going on walking holidays.

Tartlet Fri 03-May-19 13:20:21

There’s another thread running about leaving your OH at home and going on holiday without him and I’m one of those who does just that.

My personal view is that it would be best to just come straight out and tell him that you’re planning to go rather than confront him with a done deal because he might well get just as upset about what he’d probably see as deception and going behind his back. I can see your point though about not having to suffer months of sulky behaviour.

The first time I went without my husband it was at the invitation of a recently widowed friend who wanted a break away but couldn’t cope with going alone. I went but my husband went into a mega about it but he eventually accepted that it was unreasonable of him to expect me not to do things just because he doesn’t want to. I think it gets more important with age that we don’t allow ourselves to be shackled by inconsiderate partners and prevented from doing and seeing as much as we can and want to in the possibly limited years of good health.

I’m assuming of course that your husband is in good health and there are no practical caring reasons why leaving him wouldn’t be a great idea.

I hope you decide to go.

Bellanonna Fri 03-May-19 13:21:05

Of course you must go. I have had walking and cycling holidays without DH both when he was at work and wanted to keep holidays for something he enjoyed and once he had retired. I have had lots of holidays with daughters and with groups that I’ve never met. I’ve always enjoyed them but tbh DH has never objected. He and I have had lovely holidays together too
You are probably better off telling him and then booking it. Don’t ask his permission just tell him the details and invite him too (you know he won’t come)!
Good luck and have a lovely time. And don’t worry!

Tartlet Fri 03-May-19 13:23:13

How fortunate you are to have such a supportive and understanding husband Bellanonna.

mumofmadboys Fri 03-May-19 13:34:05

I would just mention your sister has asked you and see what his reaction will be. Say you really fancy a walking break and want to get a bit fitter ( don't we all!) He may be ok about it so you can go ahead and book and no ill feeling. If he isn't so happy try talking about it and say you would value some time with your sister. Maybe suggest you and DH plan a holiday together too. Hope you can arrange it all peacefully.

tanith Fri 03-May-19 13:36:10

I had lots of trips without DH on my own to visit family or with my daughters. He wouldn’t fly and had no objection to me going alone. I’d tell him before book it a shame if he objects.

Urmstongran Fri 03-May-19 13:40:20

Sounds like he’s a control freak. And a sulker. Just tell him and book it.

nightswimmer Fri 03-May-19 13:41:29

I've been going away without DH for years, swimming, sailing in UK and overseas. We have different interests and he goes away on vintage car trips etc.

genie10 Fri 03-May-19 13:46:50

I don't think you need to gauge his opinion first before telling him. Just say that your sister has invited you and you want to go and you are sure he won't mind. It's only a week!

nanaK54 Fri 03-May-19 13:48:14

We have been away several times without each other, I have been holidays with a widowed friend and my DH has been over to Ireland for music events with his friends, it's all good 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' and all that smile

nanaK54 Fri 03-May-19 13:49:23

Sorry meant to say, just tell him that you are going

Charleygirl5 Fri 03-May-19 13:52:03

Please do not go behind his back- tell him and do it. He does not like walking so that should not stop you.

Day6 Fri 03-May-19 14:02:27

I often holiday with my girlfriends or siblings. Several times a year we take short breaks without OH. He knew I was independent and took off with friends when I met him. he has his days out too, frequently, mostly involving sport. Can you encourage your husband to take up interests that might get him out of the house, or socialise with others, without you being there?

I really feel in this day and age we should not have men stifling our lives or being resentful if we want to do our own thing, occasionally.

Rambling Rosie, do tell him you are going, asap. Stand firm, but maybe offer to book a break with him, later on? See if you can get him to enthuse about joining things, on his own?

I like being close to OH, but I couldn't live either in his pocket, or being joined at the hip - or afraid of his reaction if I wanted to do something that didn't involve him.

Please go on your walking holiday.

Poppie99 Fri 03-May-19 14:03:22

It sounds a lovely holiday to have with your sister.I have had several short breaks away with my daughters without my husband.He has also had walking and camping trips on his own and trips to Australia to visit his daughters.As I am working I'm unable to take leave for a six week holiday to Australia.We do have holidays together and with my family.Trust is important,as well as maintaining some independence.Enjoy your holiday.

petra Fri 03-May-19 17:02:12

All the time. He has one passion that I'm not particularly interested in which takes him away for a few days several times a year. The other is sailing in the Med on a friends boat. Sometimes I go on this but it's mainly a jolly for the boys. I go away on retreats with friends and daughter and general holidays.

sodapop Fri 03-May-19 17:10:12

Is this the first time you have will have been away without your husband RamblingRosie?
If it is then you need to give him time to get used to the idea. Talk about it, don't present him with a fait accompli, have a discussion with pros and cons. As others have said you can plan a holiday with your husband later.

M0nica Fri 03-May-19 17:10:49

I have been going away without DH almost since we married = courses, work and leisure, trips with friends and DD and I go off on short special interest breaks that would bore him rigid - and he does the same. They both went off on an airshow weekend in the Autumn and we plan a textile hoilday later this year.

Grannyboots1 Fri 03-May-19 17:21:35

I have been on breaks/holidays in recent years with my single friend and also a widowed friend. My dh doesn't mind at all. He evens drives us to the airport. I have to leave a full cupboard of food though ??

ninathenana Fri 03-May-19 17:25:46

Sorry, but this is alien to me.
I would not hesitate to go and DH would be fine about it.
It's a standing joke in our house that I have never in over 40yrs asked DH about going somewhere, whether that's a coffee with a friend a night out or a few days away. I tell him smile
He has always been fine with that and will say "go and enjoy yourself" equally I would say the same to him.
Is you DH able to cook for himself ? Will he miss you doing the chores maybe ?

EllanVannin Fri 03-May-19 17:32:11

I used to fly here there and everywhere with my friend and DH didn't mind one bit. I used to really enjoy myself while away knowing that I wasn't going to return home to a long face. He wouldn't fly anyway and it was always cheaper to go abroad and also be guaranteed decent weather. As long as I brought a gift back all was well.

Witzend Fri 03-May-19 21:35:29

I've been away without dh more than once, no issues at all.

He's been away without me several times - trips I'm not interested in (e.g. battlefields) or visiting his own relations abroad - I didn't know them, it was a very long flight, and frankly I couldn't be bothered.

I don't think you should feel at all bad about it, OP, and your dh IMO would be very selfish to object.
If he can't cook and doesn't want to try, there are always ready meals.

RamblingRosie Fri 03-May-19 21:44:31

Thank you everyone, such good advice as usual!
Yes he is perfectly capable of looking after himself, and
it isn’t the first time I’ve been away without him. When I was working I went away quite a lot on business, but since we’ve retired he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t go out on his own and pulls a face when I tell him I’m going to see a film, even though I’ve asked him if he wants to come and he says no.
We will have 2 holidays together this year that have already been booked
I shall tell him about the holiday this weekend and then book it.

NanKate Fri 03-May-19 22:31:39

Well done RamblingRose in this day and age it is important to stand one’s ground and not be dominated by a partner either male or female.

grannyactivist Fri 03-May-19 23:36:32

I'm glad that you've made what I think is a sensible decision RamblingRose. I adore my husband and love spending time with him, but he often works away or takes himself off on trips or holidays and I do the same. We don't either of us need to ask permission, but we do discuss our plans with each other just as a matter of interest. (Though I confess that I had actually forgotten he was working away from home last night - good job he phoned me before I'd cooked dinner! blush )

RamblingRosie Sat 04-May-19 14:39:11

Just an update I’ve booked the holiday! DH is not happy but to be honest these days there is very little that he is happy about. He wanted to see the email from my sister confirming she had asked me and also the link to the walking holiday website. Then he said it was a lot of money - it isn’t. At that point I just walked away