AIBU for not wanting nana to be called mama?

My MIL was Grandma - and when my kids struggled to say it - it became Manma, which stuck. You could just try easing it to Manma? it's not ideal, but as someone else said, as long as you are not called Mama it shouldn't cause a clash or confusion. I would save your energy to fight bigger battles, of which I suspect there may be a few!

No, you really aren’t being unreasonable. I think I’d try to reinforce either Nana or Naneh.
Is she ever looking after your little one without you?

keep telling children you are nana.mother in law in anagram spells woman hitler . lol....

Ye called Daddima ?

Three of my six GC called me Mama, pronounced Mumma. I always referred to myself as Grandma. I think it’s because Muma sounds like Grandma that GC shorten Grandma to Mumma. One GC always called me Grumma which I thought was very sweet. I found it interesting as the three GC who called me Mama were each from different families. As they got older they all call me Grandma.

OP if you refer to your MIL as Grandma your DC will follow as they get older. Though I have a third cousin, who is a grandmother herself and she refers to her late grandmother as Mama. ?

I wouldn't have liked my children to call their grandmother Mama, and I'm pretty sure that my two daughters wouldn't like me to be called Mama. (And for her to hint that she wants to be called 'Mummy' or 'Mum' is just absurd!)

Don't let it upset you, though. When you speak to your daughter always refer to your mother-in-law as Nanna (or whatever you want her to be called) and call her this yourself, when you're in her company. And never waver from this! Your daughter will learn to call her whatever you do. (And maybe even the other grandchildren will follow suit - but if they don't, it shouldn't matter to you.)

I wouldn't make a big issue of it. Your DD won't think MIL is her mother - she knows who her mother is. No doubt she'll call you Mummy or Mum, and will call her grandmother Mama . Two different names. I'd say "pick your battles " - you'll have plenty of other problems to deal with over the years, but what name your child calls her grandmother shouldn't be one of them.

I am caller d Mamar by my 2 SVC from my eldest son. It is what I called my gran and what I requested. They call their mother mummy.
However, my Dil in NZ, who has just had a baby, couldn't hear the distinction between Mamar and mamma, which is what she will be called. Listening to her nieces calling their mum's mamma, I did understand - it sounds very similar with their accents. So I have happily agreed to be grandma for NZ sprogs!I
Would Mamar maybe work for you? If not your Mil should choose an alternative she is happy with.

Many Maori grandchildren call their grandparents Nannima and Daddima.

Re-reading the heading of the OP

AIBU for not wanting nana to be called mama?

Personally, I think it is very unreasonable for a DIL to decide that a grandmother should be called nana..
It's the name of the dog in Peter Pan, I dislike it and refuse to be called it.

Surely a grandmother should have some choice over what her DGC should call her - and she is already called mama by her other DGC.

So, on reflection, I think that you are being unreasonable, OP.
That is just my view.

My Father called his Grandma, Mother and his Mother, Mum.
He told me the whole family, her six daughters, called her Mother so he did too, as did all her other Grandchildren.
I asked him did it ever cause confusion and he told me that it didn't as there was only one Mother.
I've always thought that it was quite sweet.

"What's in a name?"

Storm in a teacup

Everyone in my family called my paternal grandmother Mother. I don’t know how it came about but it wasn’t a problem. Certainly nobody was in any doubt as to who she was (to me, my much-loved and lovely grandmother), and of course there was no confusing her with our actual mothers!

On the other hand, I don’t have the sort of family where people constantly demand power and respect, and delight in the thought of cutting off elderly relatives. I feel sorry for those who do.

My paternal grandparents died before I was born and the others when I was very young.
I wish I'd had a chance to call them whatever they chose to be called.

Is it unusual to call oneself "Persian" these days?
I do hope that your MIL is not of the Muslim faith, Hawa - she could be offended if you want to call her Nana (a dog's name).

This thread is rather weird imo.

The only thing that's weird is the behaviour of the MIL - imo. What sort of a person cries in that situation, or continues to reinforce the name she's chosen for herself to young children even though she's been asked not to, or refers to her grandaughter as her daughter? Bonkers.

My eldest GC could not pronounce Grandma so called me Marmar. Their mother is known as Mum.
When the great grandchildren came along, they called my daughter, their grandmother, Marmar as well and I am known as MarmarMarmar - bit of a mouthful but, they are happy.

SirC 'exactly' - totally wrong on her part. Being a French speaker, 'mamma' means mum, not granny/nan/grandma.

If OP has told 'mamma' does not feel right to her and upsets her- that should be the end of it. Way out of order.

Glad GCs don't call me 'nana' as here people would find it funny/hilarious, as a 'nanna' in French means a sexy young woman ...

I referred to her as nana because she is a nana as we know. BUT I NEVER CLAIMED SHE HAD TO BE CALLED NANA. I gave her so many options including being called MAMAN which is mother in Farsi. And even mama her name. She said no.

My daughter ALREADY CALLS ME MAMA!!! But she will say tel her “no that’s not mama that’s mummy hawa or even worse she will say “that’s hawa I’m mama”

????????????????! So it’s appropriate for the grandmother to call me by my first name and try take the name that my child already calls me? To call her instead lol?

Also in our culture, grandmothers are called Bebe, nana (pronounced naneh) it’s not uncommon.

^ BUT I NEVER CLAIMED SHE HAD TO BE CALLED NANA^
So why did you title the thread:

AIBU for not wanting nana to be called mama?

ps there is no need to shout which says quite a lot
I still think that this is all very odd.

Generally speaking, I think a person has a right to decide their own name. But if a GP's choice of GP name offends the parents, IMO, the GP should be willing to change it. There are loads of alternatives, surely.

But it's NOT just about the name. It's about this...

"My daughter ALREADY CALLS ME MAMA!!! But she will say tel her “no that’s not mama that’s mummy hawa or even worse she will say “that’s hawa I’m mama”

????????????????! So it’s appropriate for the grandmother to call me by my first name and try take the name that my child already calls me? To call her instead lol?"

... and the fact that MIL refers to her GDs as her "daughters," etc. Clearly, she's having trouble accepting the fact that she not the mum this time around and/or that she's getting older, etc. She can't help feeling that way, but she can help how she acts. It seems to me, she's not only "playing mummy" in her own mind but trying to get everyone, even the kids, to go along w/ it.

So yes, I think you and DH have to deal w/ it, Hawa. Perhaps using humor as Luckygirl suggests, will help. At least, it may make DD see MIL's behavior as "funny" or "silly," so DD won't take it seriously and be confused.

But again, I recommend cutting back on the time you spend w/ MIL. Do you and yours really need to see her twice a week? Unless she's childminding, that's a lot, IMO. Less time w/ her is less time for her to try to confuse DD. And less aggravation for you (I can't imagine having to face this twice a week!) Also, perhaps she'll take your and DH's concerns more seriously if she thinks she lost out a little b/c of her behavior (perhaps not, of course). Again, I'm NOT saying cut her off completely, just lower the number of visits and give yourselves more room .... Just my opinion...

Granted, if you dial back the visits, she'll probably complain and carry on. I don't promise it will be easy. But, at least, you won't have her around so much trying to convince DD that she's her mother.

I don't think the shouting is unreasonable. It is totally unreasonable of the grandmother to try and usurp the mother's place - and a bit worrying that she is being coercive about it. I really don't blame the OP for getting cross with some of the opinions being offered. I might well have found good reasons not to see the grandmother so often by now, if I was in her place. Grandparents only have the rights they earn.

I can’t believe this is even an issue!

Absolutely.

I can well believe it's an issue - it's unbelievable that even after it's been explained to the MIL she's continuing to behave this way. Very self-centred and childish of her.