Gransnet forums


to object to this type of invitation?

(168 Posts)
kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 07:00:56

Dgs has won a prize for science and obviously we are all very proud. His parents are invited to the presentation evening. DGS will, obviously, wear his uniform but the invitation from the school says that there is a smart casual dress code for parents.

I am appalled that the school is so prescriptive about how the parents dress.


Calendargirl Wed 10-Jul-19 07:57:15

Think you would be a huge embarrassment to your children or grandchildren then.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jul-19 07:58:06

Kitty, that's my argument too. Some families have nothing and I feel for the children of these families. It upsets me. I see families who try their best and I could cry-----unless it's just me ?!

Sara65 Wed 10-Jul-19 07:58:44

I don’t think it’s patronising Kitty, I think they’re just trying to make it a special evening for your grandson, and all the other prize winners

Pantglas1 Wed 10-Jul-19 07:59:25

As other posters have commented, years ago most parents automatically wore their ‘Sunday best’ to attend parents evening/open day etc but these days some people think it is acceptable to drop their children off at school in pyjamas. Who wants to see that?

Lumarei Wed 10-Jul-19 08:05:06

Kittylester. I roam charity shops every week and there are always smart clothes for sale for a few pounds.

Lumarei Wed 10-Jul-19 08:10:14

Scruffy clothes cost money, too.

leyla Wed 10-Jul-19 08:10:54

It’s only saying smart casual, not ball gowns! It just means a minimum of washed and ironed, cover up and ideally not denim, or at least smart denim...I would have thought that achievable for most parents.

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 08:11:00

This isnt a 'social' invitation though! It's a school dictating to parents. I wonder if they would refuse entry to parents 'inappropriately' dressed.

MawBroonsback Wed 10-Jul-19 08:20:38

I don’t exactly share your horror kittylester although I know that I would always dress smartly for an awards ceremony of any sort. Certainly secondary school but even for Primary you would hope people did not appear in distressed jeans/skimpy shorts or vest t shirts. The trouble is that so many people feel what is virtually beachwear is appropriate for other things (e.g. bare chested supermarket shopping!)
I remember one parents’ evening at my last school when it was admittedly a sultry night and I had a dad in front of me in a vest t shirt and shorts that were scarcely more than speedos. He didn’t exactly have a “beach bod” either!
Our parents’ or grandparents’ generation might have erred on the side of too formal but I think there are too many who go too far the other way. Actually I think we need more dress codes!

cornergran Wed 10-Jul-19 08:23:26

It’s an interesting one kitty. I’ve not heard of it before, certainly depending on the timing it could be awkward for anyone needing to go straight from work whether work requires a suit or very casual clothing. One of our sons works shifts over a 7 day period and so could well need to attend a school event without the opportunity to return home and change. Has anyone asked the school for their reasoning? Maybe an attempt to make it ‘special’ for the children celebrating their achievements? Smart casual can mean many things and I suspect will trigger a wide range of clothing and no, I doubt any parent will be refused entry. Many congratulations to your grandson, you must all be very proud of him.

Hetty58 Wed 10-Jul-19 08:35:01

Calendargirl, me, a huge embarrassment? Hardly. Funnily, once you're respected in your field (education) the rules no longer apply!

BlueBelle Wed 10-Jul-19 08:39:52

I personally think it well in order especially as I ve seen parents turn up in all sorts to ‘dos’
It may seem patronising to you kitty because you know how to dress and what is expected of you but not all parents do and they may have had them turning up in all sorts so a little mention hurts no one but is a guidance to those who aren’t so on the ball
Enjoy it

Minniemoo Wed 10-Jul-19 08:48:00

Maybe they've had experience with people turning up in scruffy attire. I wouldn't be upset with being asked to wear smart/casual at all. It's just a couple of words and could be helpful to some.

wildswan16 Wed 10-Jul-19 08:48:32

Lots of people find "dress codes" helpful. Many will have never been to a graduation or other similar event - do you wear jeans and t-shirt, or a posh frock and a hat? Do men wear formal suits or is it OK to turn up in their work dungarees?

It's always helpful for all participants to have a hint.

SirChenjin Wed 10-Jul-19 08:54:44

I think that the people who understand the importance of this event won’t need to be reminded what to wear and those who have a more casual approach won’t pay the slightest bit of attention and will wear what the like, dress code or no. Is the school going to turn people away if they turn up in casual clothes? Smart casual is quite vague anyway and open to interpretation...

sodapop Wed 10-Jul-19 09:11:33

Very well done to your grandson kittylester You must be proud of him.

I really don't see a problem with the school giving guidance as to dress code. As others have said they want to make it a special occasion. Not everyone is aware of the social niceties.

EllanVannin Wed 10-Jul-19 09:18:43

It's a school for goodness sake not the Queen's garden party.

Lumarei Wed 10-Jul-19 09:19:37

Of course the school would not turn anyone away! They are not the police. It’s an attempt to give this event the decorum and respect it deserves to make the children feel special. It may make a few people think and consider to find their best clothes in the wardrobe.
To feel that they have been dictated to and wear something totally inappropriate is only embarrassing for the children and the sign of someone who has not grown up.
I thought “feeling offended” about everything was a snowflake generation problem and not a baby boomer one.
There are real problems in this world.

Grandad1943 Wed 10-Jul-19 09:20:10

I have to agree that the statement of an appropriate dress code is acceptable on such an occasion as that under discussion. In the not too distant past, people seemed to have a better knowledge of what is appropriate wear for such events. However, that knowledge and acceptance now seems to have been lost.

Indeed the lack of any sense of "suitability and smartness" in clothing, Is I feel a sad loss to our society, especially within my own gender, that being men. These days in pubs and restaurants men are all too often to be seen in shorts, flip-flops and slogan tee shirts that look as if they have been worn for many days without even being washed.

With women, the situation is better I believe, but even in that you still see on occasion instances of inappropriate dress, especially at funerals etc.

In workplace offices, the code of men having to wear suits and ties was generally relaxed a few years ago. However, many companies have now reinstated a written dress code of "smart casual" for both genders and laid out precisely what that clothing should consist of.

Many employers feel that they have been made to enforce the above due to the abuse that has taken place in recent times of the relaxation of the previous more strict dress code rules.

DoraMarr Wed 10-Jul-19 09:21:37

So your grandson has won a prize which is to be presented at an awards evening, and your take away from this be annoyed by the letter outlining the evening? I was a teacher and was often surprised at how a minority of parents would turn up for school events, even when they were held in our local church, so, yes I do think it was a good idea for the school to indicate appropriate wear. As a previous poster said, the school is recognising the importance of this occasion for the children, and treating them with respect, and they hope the parents will too.

Missfoodlove Wed 10-Jul-19 09:27:44

At my daughters graduation a mother arrived in a sequinned dress and stilettos.
A dress code is acceptable and takes out the guess work for the less worldly parents.

Gonegirl Wed 10-Jul-19 09:27:48

I think it's a bit much for a school. Are all the local dignitaries going to be there? The Mayor with his chain of office? Local lord of the manor?

Just welcome the parents as they are I say.

kittylester Wed 10-Jul-19 09:29:23

Dora, you will see from the OP that I said we are all very proud of him. DH is particularly proud as the science gene missed our children totally.

Our own grandchildren are very privileged in lots of ways but I wonder how embarrassed the less privileged children feel if their they know that their parents either will not or cannot conform.

EthelJ Wed 10-Jul-19 09:30:30

I agree kitty what does it matter what they wear? People are much too worried about appearances. This type of invitation really stresses my DH what does smart casual actually mean anyway? He has casual clothes ie jeans and smart clothes ie suits or smart trousers and jackets he doesn't have anything in between so never knows what to wear!
What matters is that the children's loved ones will be there to celebrate with them. Congratulations and i hope you all enjoy it.

Hetty58 Wed 10-Jul-19 09:30:41

Schools have to be very image conscious now. They have endless problems recruiting appropriate staff too. Therefore, they tend to regularly set a bad example by using a blatantly disrespectful, dictatorial tone with students and parents alike. Of course people know how to dress - or don't care. Instructions make no difference.

I once had the pleasure of being on a panel interviewing a 'young lady' for a university job. She wore a vest top (no bra), tiny shorts and flip-flops. She had an impressive selection of piercings and tattoos. (Dare I add 'She was a big girl' too?) Although very well qualified we rejected her application on the assumption that she didn't really want the job!