Neighbour

You should live next door to my neighbours ,young ones,who often smoke weed,i have 2 outhouses and an enclosed passageway between our houses, and i can smell it as i go outside and in my garden it is very strong
It doesn't quite reach my kitchen, but i am between the young mans house and his fathers house and can easily smell it walking between the 2 houses even in the street as the father smokes it as well
I used to smoke, up to about 5-6 years ago, and although a whiff of cigarette smoke doesn't bother me, i can smell it on people in shops etc, stale smoke is worse

Doesn't bother me by the way if people don't ask how i am, sometimes it's just thoughtlessness, but if anyone does i ask back how they are

I smoked for twenty years and can say that unfortunately when you smoke you don't notice how it effects other as it did not effect me in any way. About a year after I gave up (I gave up over 20 years ago now) I could not go into a pub or in a house where they smoked with out the smoke making me cough or the smell annoying me and It still does. I just could not believe how bad this was and how my non smoking friends put up with it

Just stop doing what you do, you're not getting any thanks for it.

Common wisdom warns kind, caring people (like you), not to expect anything in return and you won't be disappointed.

Having said that, you don't need to change who you are, just find someone else to be kind to.
Your neighbor on the other hand couldn't care less by the looks of it and he also seems very unhappy. Worthy of some compassion perhaps, but likely doesn't want that either. Frankly, I think he wants his own 'space' so I would keep my distance going forward.

You could talk to him about the smell of his annoying cigarette smoke, but I'm not sure that would go very well, either.

I have to admit I don't like being asked how I am, my health isn't the total sum of me, and its enough to bear it without having to discuss it too. I generally don't ask people how they are either, they will tell me if they want me to know, and if they do talk about their health, I might ask after it the next time we meet, if I remember. The smoking would bother me, I hate the smell of smoke, and I might well be overheard on many occasions loudly saying 'quick shut the windows before that awful smoke comes in'

You are talking about man who is in chronic pain being expected to remember the troubles of someone else.

Lots of my friends forget to ask after my problems when they have their hands full with their own.

And yes, smokers know that smoke smells horrible, but it is an addiction.

driverann - that made me laugh out load, a whistling kettle!! hope you enjoyed the cuppa! ha ha ha ………...

You have tried to be friendly . I don’t think he will change it’s obviously how he is. I wouldn’t be upset about it. I’d give him a wide berth, yes the cigarette smoke would do my head in, but I’d find a way round that. I do think though unfriendly as he is, you could have to endure much worse neighbours than this misery

I would burn a candle or some oils when I was outside if he's out smoking at the same time so that it masks the smell of his cigarette smoke, who knows he might not like it and go back indoors.

Why on earth do you bother with him, especially as you find him so annoying.

You sound over friendly and expect him to be the same.

As others have pointed out. He’s entitled to smoke in his own garden.

I don't understand why some people become so over invested in other people's lives and become hurt and offended when its not reciprocated. If it annoys you that your neighbour doesn't ask after your health and welfare; stop asking about his. If his smoking annoys you; sit in a different part of your garden. And whilst his smoking habit is clearly having a detrimental affect on his health, it really is none of your business. Your his neighbour; not his mother.

Try to continue being nice.

He is a poor, miserable old man. You may be the only bright spark in his day and he has long lost the ability to realise how miserable he is and how he drains the good will from people like you.

Please don't let him make you as miserable and dismissive as he is!

We live right next door to a public building no not a toilet block and the workers seem to all smoke . They come outside the back door one by one, smoke a fag, look over the fence at us in our garden, say hello sometimes, throw their fag ends down on the shared path and go back inside and slam the fire door. Hmm. It does annoy me but it isn't all the time as they only work 5 days and finish by 5pm so it could be worse. I wish they wouldn't smoke.

Why do you try so hard? Perhaps he wants to be left in peace. It sounds like the relationship is hard work and one-sided so give him a bit of space. If he misses your company he'll let you know.

I have a neighbour like that. Always full of her health complaints but never ask how I am. If I do mention a pain or something she can always go one better, always had it herself but much worse!

Same problem with neighbour and cigarette smoke. I spoke with him about it and he apologised because he didn't realise it was getting into my bedroom window. You might try talking to him although he doesn't sound like he would give a rats ass.
As for the other stuff, I don't know, it's easier to be a good neighbour than to fall out. Good luck.

We have learned to keep a reasonable distance from neighbours.

We haven't fallen out or argued over anything, I just think we talked too much and it got to the point where even saying 'hello' became an irritation to our neighbours, so we now only speak when spoken to and pretty much keep to ourselves.

What a shame Blue60. I wish we had neighbours who chatted. No one has time for their neighbours where I live.

Sometimes when older people are alone, day in, day out, they get like that. I know a couple of people like that. I cut them some slack because I can imagine how awful it must be to be alone all the time. I would cut him some slack, listening for say 20 minutes will help him.

If he is alone, he also may well have almost lost the art of back and forth conversation.