Gransnet forums


To object to being invited on FB to give money to a charity ?

(52 Posts)
Grammaretto Mon 22-Jul-19 10:53:54

I realise this is a small thing but without being unkind to this "friend" on facebook, whom I see occasionally, how do I deal with this request to give money to her charity in lieu of a birthday gift. I wasn't thinking of giving her a birthday gift
If it was a child of mine or grandchild, ofcourse I would be only too happy to donate but I think this is cheeky or am I just mean?

EllanVannin Mon 22-Jul-19 11:27:41

I'd refuse too.

wildswan16 Mon 22-Jul-19 11:28:44

No you're not being mean at all. If you always gave her a gift then that might be different - the equivalent money to charity would be fine. But if not, then I would ignore it. We all have our "favourite" charities that we support and cannot possibly give donations every time we were asked.

I think the intention behind it is good - but some people may feel pressured, and that is wrong. These sort of requests are often given out automatically to all "friends" on Facebook, whether real friends or not.

tanith Mon 22-Jul-19 11:29:14

I ignore them I decide which charities I’d like to donate to.

MissAdventure Mon 22-Jul-19 11:31:24

I think the intention behind it is to look good on Facebook, so I would have no problem in saying no.
Why can't she donate any money she gets quietly to the charity of her choice without a song and dance about it?

I may be wrong, as I have never used Facebook, but I have heard about this before.

Beckett Mon 22-Jul-19 11:33:57

As wildswan has said - these messages are sent to all those on the persons friends list. If you don't normally give her a gift, ignore it.

Nannyfaraway Mon 22-Jul-19 11:48:57

You're not mean.
Fair enough if they are asking you to sponsor them for something.
But asking for a donation to a charity in lieu of a gift for your birthday is a bit cheeky.
I always ignore them

Grammaretto Mon 22-Jul-19 11:54:53

Thanks everybody. I feel better now. I will send her FB birthday wishes and say nothing and not mention it if I see her.

Pantglas1 Mon 22-Jul-19 12:05:14

I always ignore them as I only do grandchildren presents now. Adult family and friends have all stopped present giving anyway but I do treat some to lunch or drinks and others get a jar of something delicious from my pantry when we catch up.

Another irritating request is the one where they want you to sponsor them to do a jolly. Skydiving, cycling hundreds of miles, climbing a mountain or whatever. I’d do it if they were litter picking or something useful but otherwise I stick to giving to British legion and British Heart Foundation.

Grammaretto Mon 22-Jul-19 12:10:13

I agree with you Pantglas1 and I ignore them and don't ask anymore either.

I once did a sponsored charity walk and asked for support. I was given so much I could never ask again!

BlueBelle Mon 22-Jul-19 12:12:14

I ignore them I give to what charities I chose to give to and this new thing of putting it on fb is not for me
It might not be them showing off it’s more about reaching as many people as possible I guess and fb is definitely the way to reach everyone but give to who and what you feel like and don’t waste time feeling guilty

sodapop Mon 22-Jul-19 12:28:05

I think its just virtue signalling to put it out there on FB for all to see.
We did have quite a large party for our joint 70th birthdays. We asked the guests not to buy us gifts but to make a donation to a local dog rescue centre. We put details of the centre on the invitations so it was entirely up the guests if they donated or not.

Witzend Mon 22-Jul-19 22:56:53

Personally I think that long-grown up people shouldn't be asking for or expecting any birthday presents, except perhaps from very close family.

I've been very irritated in the past by being instructed to give cash for a particular purpose, rather than a present, to a friend with plenty of money (we did know this for certain) for their 60th.
Both ill mannered and and cheeky, IMO.
We took a bottle of fizz instead.

stella1949 Tue 23-Jul-19 01:02:51

I get those "requests" occasionally when it's someone's birthday. It seems that Facebook makes the suggestion to people when their birthday is coming up, and they just click on the "like" button for it to display on their news feed . I just ignore them - the person involved won't know whether you donate or not.

Starlady Tue 23-Jul-19 06:05:45

YANBU, at all, IMO. Like other posters here, I generally ignore these requests, unless from my AC or GC b/c otherwise, I choose my own charities. I agree w/ your decision to just send your friend birthday wishes and not even mention the charity request.

harrigran Tue 23-Jul-19 08:19:03

I ignore any requests on FB to give to charity, most of the requests are from people who would not receive a gift anyway.

annsixty Tue 23-Jul-19 08:25:19

I have only just read the OP properly and had thought you were invited to her party but now realise this isn’t so.
I do think it is a cheek, I don’t exchange gifts with friends anymore and haven’t for a long time.
We all have more than we want and need by now.

jaylucy Tue 23-Jul-19 10:33:49

I too get annoyed by that and just think it may well not be aimed at all FB friends, just the ones they are close to and it's too much hassle to remove the rest!
This Just Giving thing is, IMO often abused - I've seen requests for donations from funding someone's cats vet fees, to sending a neice/ nephew for medical treatment. One of my "friends" even set one up to collect spending money for their family holiday in Florida !

Wilma65 Tue 23-Jul-19 10:35:22

fB does this. They did for a friend of mine and she decided to ask for donations to charity, FB controls the miney and then it get sent to the charity. Beware if you do it though because I clicked to send £10 and they took £50

Annaram1 Tue 23-Jul-19 11:02:57

I once did a "Ladies Driving Challenge " day which consisted of women doing things such as driving a tractor, a bus, police car etc. and asked for people at church to sponsor me and gave the money to CAFOD. I raised more than £150. It was a fun day except that it was absolutely freezing and there were long waits in the open for the more popular challenges.

trisher Tue 23-Jul-19 11:27:40

I don't mind if it's just posting an event or charity do I might otherwise have missed, or for something special like a children's event that needs crowdfunding. If it's just her birthday I'd send her a Happy Birthday and tell her what charities I already support.

SillyNanny321 Tue 23-Jul-19 11:42:30

Another good reason I will not go on Facebook even if I am the only one in the world who is not on Facebook!

EthelJ Tue 23-Jul-19 11:56:00

Was it a general message to all Facebook friends? Something like 'I don't want any birthday presents this year because I have enough already. But if you want to get a gift please send a donation to.......' If so I think that's OK. If it was personal message to you asking for a donation as birthday gift then yes it's cheeky.
I would just ignore it and do what you normally do for her birthday.

Auntieflo Tue 23-Jul-19 11:57:09

SillyNanny321, no, you are not. I also won’t be on FB.

H1954 Tue 23-Jul-19 12:12:38

I was advised to never give money in this way. Apparently, the establishments that operate the giving pages take a percentage for admin costs etc.

I know this to be correct from when we were raising money to buy an electric wheelchair for a friend, I made my contribution directly to the lady who launched the just giving page. Can't think why people bother to be honest, it is so easy to transfer money electronically and the payee gets 100% with no sneaky deductions!