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Is being over eighty the same as being past it? Discuss.

(75 Posts)
Elegran Thu 25-Jul-19 10:03:13

My eightieth birthday was a couple of months ago. Since then I have discovered that as soon as they hear this, everyone who regarded me just as "in her seventies" and left me to get on with it now treats me as though I am a fragile old lady, physically and mentally.

Now I am not complaining about having my shopping carried, my furniture moved around, or being offered lifts (I don't have a car) but inside I don't feel any different to how I did at fifty, forty, even thirty (maybe a bit older than twenty.) My thoughts are still clear, I can make my own decisions, large and small, can still use basic common sense to avoid following political, medical and dietary crazes or financially ruinous ventures, can still appreciate a handsome charming man while not falling for his blarney, and I still find some things very funny.

I'm no' deid yet!

Luckygirl Thu 25-Jul-19 10:12:03

I get similar because I walk with a stick - I am 70, no grey hair, live a busy (though limpy) life. I am grateful for the physical help that comes my way; but not the assumption that because my mobility is poor I have also lost my marbles!

Gonegirl Thu 25-Jul-19 10:25:02

Past what?

I can still think as clearly as I ever could, but I can't walk as far without getting knackered. A lot of things I used to do without a thought now tire me out quickly. (And I'm not eighty yet!)

annsixty Thu 25-Jul-19 10:36:59

82 here and still cracking on BUT I agree with your assumption and find most people treat me differenly.
Th snow white hair doesn't help.
The exception to this is family who still treat me as invincible and don't do things unless I ask.

midgey Thu 25-Jul-19 10:38:50

Annsixty, you obviously taught them well.....they believe you are invincible!

Septimia Thu 25-Jul-19 10:47:51

When I was in my early 50s (may even have been earlier) I went to help a friend (in her 60s) to load a container with donated medical equipment to go to Africa. We'd already spent a day or more in the warehouse sorting it and moving it to the door. The driver of the container lorry arrived and decided to help (he wasn't very good at squeezing stuff into the all the spaces) although he wasn't supposed to. I overheard him on the phone to his boss explaining why he was helping - because there were only 2 old ladies there trying to manage on their own..... hmm

EllanVannin Thu 25-Jul-19 10:58:13

Next year I'll be 80 and I can't see anything being any different to what they've been on turning 60 !
Because I probably give an air of independence anyway I can't say that I've been " helped " in any way be it on/off transport, shopping, housework, washing,ironing and the usual things that one has had to do all their lives, apart from me not now working of course.
My brain still ticks over normally and it's only through lack of regular exercise that I can't walk the distances I used to, though can't complain at being able to walk 1/4 of a mile and think nothing of it, coming back uphill is a different prospect though ! Don't use a stick. Plenty of time ahead for that-----optimism galore.

Yes, I'm both thankful/ grateful and fortunate for not appearing/looking as though I need help/assistance and tbh don't know how I'd feel if I was offered it either.

My lovely friend was so miffed a few years ago when in her 80's a gentleman held her elbow as she got on the bus and she never got over that. She was 98 when she died a year and a half ago and would have been 100 last month had she lived. Her daughter died a year before and she went downhill from then.

Charleygirl5 Thu 25-Jul-19 11:05:00

A few weeks ago I went to a BS to discuss finance and because I am 75 I was asked if I wanted somebody, totally unknown to me to sit in, I suppose in case this poor old dear was taken for a ride!

I nearly took off in more ways than one, there is very little wrong with my brain!

henetha Thu 25-Jul-19 11:12:17

I'm over eighty and don't feel any different to my 60's and 70's. I think people treat me pretty much the same, although I have detected a little bit of "there there, dear, let me help".
But I don't mind it, I'm grateful for any kindness.
I've always been very independent and hope to be so for a few more years yet.
(I agree, annsixty about the white hair, so I'm using a shampoo called Liquid Blonde which gives it a blondie tint.)

annsixty Thu 25-Jul-19 11:35:34

I will try that henetha
I dyed it blonde until about 3 years ago when I wondered who I was trying to kid, but a little tint would be nice.

henetha Thu 25-Jul-19 11:39:36

It's great, annsixty. I used to colour mine but got fed up with the hassle. This Liquid Blonde just takes the edge off the grey and gives a little hint of blondness.. I love it!

annsixty Thu 25-Jul-19 11:41:03

I will order on Amazon, I have checked and they sell it.
Thank you.

Elegran Thu 25-Jul-19 11:45:56

I no white hair (well, maybe an occasional one here and there but not easily visible) so most of the time I just get on with it, using my own common sense to ease off at a suitable point. No-one notices me. However, since my week-long family birthday party (I won't bore you) said family seem to have worked out that I must be old now, and their attitude does seem to have shifted.

Lessismore Thu 25-Jul-19 11:47:30

Aye ma lassie.....

Grandma70s Thu 25-Jul-19 11:57:00

I’m nearly 80, and I walk with a tri-walker so obviously I look frail. My hair isn’t grey yet, though! And it’s natural. As soon as I start to speak people know they can’t mess with me. I am articulate and quite confident.

I don’t mind being helped, and I never feel patronised. People are just being kind. I think ‘being patronsed’ is often in the mind of an over-touchy recipient of kind behaviour.

Luckygirl Thu 25-Jul-19 12:03:08

Kindness is to be treasured, I agree.

Justme67 Thu 25-Jul-19 12:09:51

Not quite the same thing, but my daughter and son in law visited London recently - they are both in their mid sixties and often visit the Capital, however on recent occasions they have been offered seats by the 'younger generation'. They both consider themselves to be young and with it, and I think my son in law in particular was a bit aggrieved, and said that he took the seat, because it was such a nice gesture, and one which should be refused.

ninathenana Thu 25-Jul-19 16:57:19

I'm off to order my Liquid Blonde

I gave up dying my mousey brown hair blonde about 5 yrs ago and am now completely silver.

annsixty Thu 25-Jul-19 17:24:37

For some reason I couldn’t order it on Amazon unless I added it to £20 worth of other goods!!!
I will get it at Superdrug when I next shop.

agnurse Thu 25-Jul-19 18:48:50

My father's godmother is about 100 years old (maybe 101 now). She is still very independent but lives in a lodge because she is widowed and was living alone on a remote farm that could be hard to access in winter if something happened. She DRIVES. She drives her friends to their appointments as she's the only one who still has a license.

My kid's great-great-grandmother (maternal grandfather's grandmother) recently passed away. She was 107.

You're only as old as you feel.

lemongrove Thu 25-Jul-19 19:29:30

It has to be remembered though, that all who are 80 are not the same, some are rushing all over the place enjoying holidays and life in general and some are frail, can’t walk far etc.Also, that younger people will always think of an 80 year old as pretty ancient ( we all used to am sure.)
It doesn’t matter though, you have to laugh and accept it.

Fennel Thu 25-Jul-19 20:14:03

I'm 83. When my 80th came round I told everyone I didn't want any party etc. I just wanted to see it as another step forward.
Elegran - you've managed to keep your intellect intact, so I always thought you were in your 60s.
I've noticed lately that a few very well-meaning older (sub 80) lady friends have been fussing over me and being a bit bossy. I want to keep the amount of independence that I still have and feel a bit bad about refusing their offers of help. I don't want to hurt their feelings.
These days my main aim is to be able to plan, shop and cook for me and husband on a daily basis.
I also follow 2 learning courses online connected with our religion.
Physically I'm not doing too bad TG, especially since my recent operation for hernia repairs.

annodomini Thu 25-Jul-19 20:28:31

I'll be 80 next year and don't expect to feel very different. After my very successful 70th birthday party, the family asked me what I'd like to do for my 80th. I said I would like a flying lesson. After a sharp intake of breath, they went ahead and booked me a flying lesson, six years early - in case I got too decrepit in the meantime, though they didn't actually say that! That was such a thrill. It didn't last very long, but for a few minutes I was Biggles, as the controls of a little plane. If you live in the Thames Valley, I may have flown over you. I don't know if they will plan anything for next year, but I have had my 80th birthday present!
I will be telling them to make plans for my 100th well in advance.

annsixty Thu 25-Jul-19 20:45:38

My mother had a lovely 100th birthday party.
She made a speech, had her photo in the local paper with her GGC and generally had a really good time.
Her 101st was an anticlimax after the fuss made the year before. She didn’t make the next one but had all her “ marbles” until 3 weeks before she died after a fall from which she recovered physically but it left her confused.
She knew me until 2 days before she died very peacefully.
Incidentally she never spent a night in hospital in all her life.

Witzend Fri 26-Jul-19 10:00:31

My mother looked and seemed much younger at 80, partly because she'd never gone grey and because she was lucky enough to have no mobility problems, and was still entirely with-it mentally.
However it was only a year or two later that the first signs of the dreaded dementia raised their horrible heads. ?

I've never heard of Liquid Blonde! I'm lucky enough to have taken after my mother re going grey. However my naturally dark blonde hair did start going a lot darker when I was about mid 50s, so I started using the John Frieda Go Blonder spray (on wet hair, followed by hair dryer) about once a week, which lightened it very gradually, with no visible signs of roots/re-growth. Now 70 I still use it once a week or so - when I remember! - and my hair must be naturally getting lighter since the general effect is now rather blonder.