I'm hurt and unsure whether to get in touch with them

Thank you everyone for your excellent words. I am not going to get in touch with them. I think by the many missed calls per day that they know what they have done. I have always told my husband (just not everything) about everything, especially to do with my 3 children (none are his) and my 4 grand children. We have had several good chats together since then and he definately says he got sucked into the whole thing. He is so sorry and wish he could turn the clocks back. No, they were not drunk as my friend's husband does not drink, ever. I still feel hurt but I cannot have them in my life. My mam used to say that I was too open and honest and I told my friend lots of things and it has turned around and bit me. Well no more, I have learned my lesson.

What a dreadful thing to happen, we have all, I am sure, had a good moan about our DH to good friends, and we must be able to feel safe in the knowledge that this will not be broadcast. You have done the right thing by clearing the air with your husband and then dropping this couple, they are not friends, and as there was not even the excuse of alcohol to pardon their terrible bullying behaviour, you will have to conclude that they are nasty, plain and simple. Put them out of your mind and look forward to retirement with your lovely DH.

Gill, I haven't ever moaned about my husband to them. But I have moaned about my kids. My kids and theirs played together when they were all young. Also their kids have never left home. They're aged 43 and 38!

"Also their kids have never left home. They're aged 43 and 38!"

So they can add hypocrisy to their "crimes" - telling you to focus more on DH than your AC, but meanwhile, enabling AC who have "failed to launch," as they say.

And come to think of it, if they really felt it was important to advise you to spend more time w/ DH, they should have said that to you privately, not right in front of him. Granted, they shouldn't be trying to tell you how to conduct your life, but to do it right in front of one of the people who would be affected by the advice - blimey! It was just one wrong on top of another. I'm glad they're out of your life now and that, at the same time, you and DH seem to have patched things up.

Starlady you are right. I'm so glad I won't be seeing them again. To be honest, me and my husband actually feel closer today. Thank you for your reply.

You don't need those friends. They aren't friends anyway by the sound of it.

Glad you feel closer to your husband today.

If he's usually good to you, try and put the incident in the past.

I don't offload or moan about private stuff to friends, I deal with it myself.

I can't see the value of telling friends all your woes or your business.
Some 'friends' can't always keep their counsel and, if you fall out with them, bad luck. Everything you've ever said might well be repeated and even embroidered.
Not a good idea.

How dare they treat you like that? I don't care if you've known them since Adam was in his cradle, they had no right as all to make personal statements - and to SHOUT at you? Well, that takes the biscuit.

But I suspect they will want to carry on the dubious friend ship because he at least is a total bully who saw he could upset you and your husband didn't defend you.
He will have swelled with power at all that! You are potential prey to him.

So you have made the absolutely right decision to never, ever see or contact these horrid people again.
Don't be swayed and if they decide to drop in unexpectedly, tell them you are on your way to Afghanistan to join the anti-insurgent forces.

The friendship is over, husband too by the sounds of it. you confided in a so called friend who obviously downloaded onto her husband and get him all worked up. Most likely they all worked themselves up against you. To treat you that way in a public place is threatening and maybe alcohol fueled. Would send the message that you no longer wish to see them again. I had an incident like this very ill at the time organising a family doo with friends, some came with an axe to grind especially my husbands step daughter, ended in big row. told them all where to go and have not spoken to them since 3 years later, I am happier have moved on and now only let the few into my life. No husband did not stand up for me not that night, but I gave him the ultimatum me or them and he has been loyal about that, and we now lead a peaceful life together. although being attacked is pretty nasty experience and not easily forgotten. Rise above it and move on, if husband digs his heals in leave him behind with them.

Did you specifically ask her not to tell him? As you've known both of them since 16 she might well have thought it ok. I often use my oh as a sounding board and repeat what others have said (unless told in confidence) Either way it doesn't excuse their personal remarks and ganging up on you.

I wonder just why after so long that they suddenly decided it was OK to have a go at you? It's horrible to start off with criticism about your appearance and very rude!
I see no problem with you sharing details of your life with your "friend" but am not surprised that she shared the info with her husband and think you were naive to think she wouldn't - even if you asked her not to!
This so called friendship is at an end and I can see no way back from this even if they were to apologise - the fact that you had to take yourself off for a cry should have made them apologise before you left their house. I would answer the phone next time they call and tell them how hurt you were by their comments all evening and under the circumstances, you would rather they did not contact you in future. Then put the phone down or write it all down in a letter and post it asap but you may still get them trying to contact you - thank heavens they live a distance away!
As far as your husband is concerned, I think you need to sit down and quietly ask if he actually feels that you don't pay him enough attention or spend enough time with him - then you both can change things to move forward together towards his retirement

I would answer the phone and see what they have to say for themselves. If they act as though nothing has happened then ditch them, they are not friends. If they apologise, then that is at least that is something but I would let them know they had upset you and that the friendship is now broken because of it.

Many relation /friendships have been ruined by overindulgence loosening tongues.If H is genuinely sorry for the part he has played then think who is more important to you. You say 'that is that 'with them so stand your ground. After all who needs 'enemies' with so called friends like these

I think you should write a letter to them explaining exactly how they hurt you, and ask them not to contact you again. Writing the letter will give you closure. At the moment it's eating away at you because it's unresolved.

Not good friends then?

I can't see the value of telling friends all your woes or your business

This is so wrong, you clearly just don’t have the right friend. I would, and do tell my lovely school-friend Helen everything and anything, and vice-versa, in absolute trust. We’ve never let each other down, and never would.
It’s good to talk and sometimes it needs to be to someone other than DH.

Just do a Meghan - don’t reply, don’t answer - cut them out cold.

Tigertooth

And who are you to know what sort of friends I have and to say that my view is wrong.

It's clearly not wrong for me and we all have our opinions which can be freely and politely expressed on GN.

You and I are different people and if you like disclosing your life to your BF that's fine but it doesn't mean that your way is the right way and mine is wrong.

It is indeed good to talk but I can find plenty of topics to discuss other than problems, worries or the minutiae of my life.

Toxic friendship needs getting rid of. I would not tell my own family that they are putting on weight ?

You can (and should) drop these 'friends' as it doesn't sound as if their boundaries are drawn in the right place.

The real problem is the disloyalty of your DH as he is the one you will be staying with.

However, if he has seen the light and you can keep him away from this rather poisonous pair, the unpleasantness should fizzle out.

If you give in and let the pair back the chances are that your DH and the two of them will drop back into ganging up on you. So stay firm.

I think you are making absolutely the right decision not to get in touch with them .

I just feel sick every time I think of that night but never again. I have decided not to get in touch and that is me finished with them for good. Thank you all so much for your advice.

You have sorted it, you have dropped your called friends and made it up with your husband.

Why not treat yourself to a break somewhere together, just the two of you and hopefully comeback with better memories.

Please, please whywhywhy don’t let these people spoil anymore time with your DH. Men can be a bit hopeless at sticking up for their wives but I’m sure he’s sorry about it now. I think you should tell him how hurt you felt and that you think he should have stuck up for you and then try to put it behind you. Personally I would just ignore all calls from them and hope they get the message but if it goes on too long and is still upsetting you then maybe you should write and say you won’t be seeing them again, and why. I don’t think you need them. I hope time will heal and you and DH will have a long and happy retirement.

I did tell him how upset I was and I have cried a lot but not anymore. He is so sorry and wishes he could turn the clock back. Its over and we will move on and survive this.