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AIBU

To think granddaughter is too old for a dummy

(143 Posts)
Tonks Fri 02-Aug-19 11:03:02

My DGD still has a dummy at almost 5. I think that she is too old for it and I'm trying to convince DD to get rid of it, but she's anxious that it'll ruin her sleep, and kick off an almighty tantrum. My DCs never had dummies so I've no experience of it myself, has anyone done this for their DCs or DGC? Surely 5 is too old to still have a dummy?

glammanana Fri 02-Aug-19 15:54:38

Tonks Now is the best time to get the dummy off her,she is not at school so she can have her attention focused on other things that interest her.
I would cross my fingers and tell her that the dummy is needed for new babies now she is a big girl and when you have taken it from her do not mention it again unless she mentions it.
You may be plesently surprised and she gives it up freely.

Luckygirl Fri 02-Aug-19 16:23:25

I am sure there will be ways of stopping her enjoying her dummy at night - that is not in question.

For me the question is - why would you want to?

harrigran Fri 02-Aug-19 17:01:19

I agree, five is way too old for a dummy.
I never gave my children one, the GC may have had one when they were tiny babies but I do not recall seeing them with one during the day.
Mothers afraid of causing a tantrum ? Goes with the job 😁

willa45 Fri 02-Aug-19 17:15:11

My eldest daughter was attached until she was about three years old. A trip to the pediatrician solved the issue for once and for all. He knelt down to her eye level and told her point blank that she was now too old for such nonsense. He then asked her if she really wanted her teeth to grow out of her mouth like a Walrus. When she nodded 'no', he asked her to put it in the trash where "it belonged". She complied without saying a peep. End of story.

phoenix Fri 02-Aug-19 17:26:56

Neither of mine had a dummy, although I remember MIL proudly telling me that she'd got DS1 to take one (that she had bought) by dipping it in jam, shock

DS2 was a thumb sucker, which as an ex dental nurse worried me, but he just stopped at around 12 months.

But in answer to the OP, yes, I do think 5 is too old, especially if it is used during the day, rather than just at bedtime.

trisher Fri 02-Aug-19 17:40:03

Although orthodontic dummies are bettter that ordinary ones they can still cause teeth problems. There is also evidence that children who use a dummy during the day have delayed speech because they simply don't get to talk. The dummy should be ditched asap.

Luckygirl Fri 02-Aug-19 17:44:29

I find this thread intriguing. Shock, horror - child enjoys dummy at age of 5!

There is no logical reason to stop a child gaining comfort from a dummy - no reason at all. But most posters are simply pronouncing that it is "too old" without, as far as I can see, any good reason at all!

A dummy at night is just fine - it does no-one any harm.

Grammaretto Fri 02-Aug-19 18:04:41

They are not very attractive or hygienic are they Luckygirl add that to the fact that Speech Therapists blame them for poor speech are good enough reasons for me to think the sooner the child can dispense with them, the better.

Of-course in their favour, they pacify a miserable child and they probably stop the child becoming a thumb sucker which, as had been said, is harder to wean from.

I do wonder how the dummy is still of interest to a 5 yr old.
Has she read Shirley Hughes' "Alfie Gives a Hand" ? It's not about a dummy but about giving up a comfort blanket.

Callistemon Fri 02-Aug-19 18:05:49

I think there are several reasons to encourage a five year old to give up a dummy.
1 It inhibits speech
2 The child is of school age and could be bullied if others see her sucking a dummy or find out about it
3 The longer the child is used to constantly sucking the harder it will be to give up the habut.
4 if a child still needs this comfort rather than it being just a habit, I would be wondering why.

I wonder if any studies have shown a correlation between years of dummy sucking and taking up the comfort of sucking on cigarettes in later life?

Callistemon Fri 02-Aug-19 18:06:31

Habut (sp) - habit!

Gonegirl Fri 02-Aug-19 18:11:11

Ok. I'm going to be honest (and prepare for the shock horror)

My fourteen year old grandson occasionally gets caught out sucking his thumb.

Always refused a dummy as a baby. Just preferred his thumb. Orthodontist says he could have a brace if he really wanted one, but his teeth are fine really.

Gonegirl Fri 02-Aug-19 18:12:37

And my son has still got one thumb longer than the other one. Gave up his dummy at around two months. Preferred his thumb. grin

BlueBelle Fri 02-Aug-19 18:14:49

But you can say that about anything luckygirl I guess there’s no harm in wearing a nappy but you wouldn’t want your five year old wearing one would you If she’s old enough to go to school surely she’s old enough not to walk round with a dummy in her mouth I think night time use is a bit different if the child is really anxious but much better to learn to manage that anxiety themselves, but the poster did say she used it in the daytime. so is she at nursery play school or starting big school?
Kids with dummies in their mouths don’t talk clearly, they may cause dental problems, and they will get teased and called baby if other children see them it’s a habit and the sooner broken the better
What I do agree with is, there is nothing the poster can or should do unless asked to help

trisher Fri 02-Aug-19 18:16:25

Luckygirl just google problems with dummies and you will find several reaons why a 5 year old shouldn't have a dummy.

Callistemon Fri 02-Aug-19 18:18:13

I thought you were going to tell us you still had a dummy Gonegirl! grin

Gonegirl Fri 02-Aug-19 18:22:40

Callistemon gringringrin

Callistemon Fri 02-Aug-19 18:22:59

No, the OP can only give a few helpful tips about how to stop it if asked.
From the big river place, other outlets are available.
Preferably, you could make one for a few pence as it will be going in the bin anyway!
www.amazon.co.uk/Personalised-design-Drawstring-weaning-Supplied/dp/B00FPQ4O6Uhttps://www.amazon.co.uk/Personalised-design-Drawstring-weaning-Supplied/dp/B00FPQ4O6U?tag=gransnetforum-21

MissAdventure Fri 02-Aug-19 18:28:47

For me, I think hanging onto baby/toddler habits is infantilizing (is that a word?) A child, and why would you want to?

love0c Fri 02-Aug-19 18:29:45

All children are different. My two boys never had a dummy. They both found a finger to suck for comfort. I think that is best as they never lose it! It will never drop on the floor either. You are never faced with removing it then either. Far easier. As this little girl is now 5 I do feel it needs to be faded out of use. Keep it hidden in the day but let her have it at night. I'm sure this way she will let it go herself.

GillT57 Fri 02-Aug-19 19:11:11

At the risk of offending anyone ( sorry), I hate dummies. I especially dislike children who are able to walk and talk using them, the sight of a small child taking a dummy out to speak and then putting it back irritates me, they often lead to dental problems and lisps. My two never had one, were never offered one, what they never had they never missed. If this child is five, are you saying that she goes to school with a dummy?

Septimia Fri 02-Aug-19 19:23:58

Surely once she starts school she will see that other children don't have one during the day and will want to give it up so as to avoid being teased. It could even be suggested to her that giving it up during the day before starting school is a good idea. Giving it up at night will follow in its own good time.

Luckygirl Fri 02-Aug-19 19:46:04

She's not walking around with a dummy in her mouth - she is just using it at night! And why not!? She will drop it off when she is ready if no-one makes an issue of it.

I think we try and make children grow up too quickly - there is a reason why children like sucking thumbs/dummies. Some adults replace it with cigarettes or vapes.

I would leave the wee lass to it; and certainly not impose my views as a grandparent - it is not my place to do so.

Witzend Fri 02-Aug-19 19:50:10

Personally I would not interfere or say anything. She'll give it up soon enough by herself.

One of my dd's didn't entirely give up the dummy until she was 6 - but for quite a while it had been strictly at home and in private - her own choice.

I was very anti dummies until she had one very early on because of classic 3 months colic - it was the only thing that seemed to give her any relief.
Her teeth were always perfect.

Other dd sucked her thumb from birth until after she was old enough to drive, and her teeth were affected.
I'd prefer a dummy to a thumb any day.

MissAdventure Fri 02-Aug-19 19:56:12

My daughter sucked her fingers, but she made a huge effort to give up before she went to "big school" (infants) so its not always the case that thumbs or fingers are worse.

Callistemon Fri 02-Aug-19 19:56:32

I am not against dummies Luckygirl - one of my DC (the one who had dreadful colic) had a dummy but she threw it away of her own accord when she was under 2 - cried a little bit the first night but was quite happy that the fairies may have found it and taken it for their babies.

Her teeth are absolutely perfect so it's not teeth I would be worried about - it's long-term addiction to a dummy.