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AIBU

To think granddaughter is too old for a dummy

(142 Posts)
Tonks Fri 02-Aug-19 11:03:02

My DGD still has a dummy at almost 5. I think that she is too old for it and I'm trying to convince DD to get rid of it, but she's anxious that it'll ruin her sleep, and kick off an almighty tantrum. My DCs never had dummies so I've no experience of it myself, has anyone done this for their DCs or DGC? Surely 5 is too old to still have a dummy?

grannysue05 Fri 02-Aug-19 11:08:11

I think that a five year old does look a little too old to be walking around with a dummy.
If its just for bedtime that may be different, but is the little girl controlling what Mummy wants her to do?
Also the problem of teeth becoming prominent with overuse of dummies or suck-a-thumbs!
Perhaps a new relaxing bedtime routine might help.

henetha Fri 02-Aug-19 11:08:24

I think it is rather old and I can understand your concern.
But children are all different. Maybe best to leave it to her parents to decide?

Blinko Fri 02-Aug-19 11:12:40

Dear Tonks, I don't think it's for us grans to have any opinion on dummies, use thereof, or any other thing that our offspring decide for their children. Not our concern, unless there's a danger to health and well being.

Grans have found themselves in hot water with their ACs for less...

dragonfly46 Fri 02-Aug-19 11:15:37

I don't see the problem just using a dummy at this age at night. My DD had a dummy but spat it out quite early but my DS sucked his thumb for a long time. Which is better I wonder?

Gonegirl Fri 02-Aug-19 11:17:20

No! A dummy at almost five is so wrong. Sorry. Take it away. She'll cope.

Tonks Fri 02-Aug-19 11:26:46

I think her mum would rather it go too as her teeth are becoming a little misshapen. She's normally a very calm and relaxed little girl, but her mum is a bit afraid to step into the unknown with taking it away. She doesn't just have it at night, also during the day sometimes. I take care of her 3 days a week, when her mum is working, so I try and discourage using the dummy in the day, but I can't exactly do that when she's at home. I'm hoping that if I can put forward a gentle solution then DD will get aboard.

J52 Fri 02-Aug-19 11:34:33

My DIL got a small pretty bag to put the dummy in and hang on the front door. She then told DGC that the dummy was going to be given to a new baby, by the fairies, who in return placed a small gift in the bag, as a thank you.
It worked, without any tantrums, but DGC was a couple of years younger than your DGC, who might see through the ploy.

fizzers Fri 02-Aug-19 11:36:30

my daughter had a dummy till she was 3/4 , I just took it away and said, that's it , no more.

Grandsons had dummies until 2.5 and 3.5 years, with both grandsons, Santa took their dummies.

my nieces had dummies but also started sucking their thumbs, which was a much harder habit to break, both girls needed extensive corrective dentistry and braces

RosieLeah Fri 02-Aug-19 11:47:41

Why are so many parents pussy-footing around their children?...'She's afraid she might have a tantrum'...oh dear, can't have that, can we?

I vowed I wouldn't use a dummy with mine, and only used one when we visited relatives to keep them quiet at night-time. They managed perfectly well without one. I see toddlers out in the street sucking them and it looks horrible. They should only be used at bed-time and only if absolutely necessary. To have a 5 year old using one is quite ridiculous.

EllanVannin Fri 02-Aug-19 11:58:10

What I don't like seeing is a tiny baby with a dummy which looks to spread over its entire face. There's no need for such tinies to be having them. If used for a cranky toddler then so be it, but keep them away from newborns and older children.

Callistemon Fri 02-Aug-19 12:00:05

As J52 said, perhaps the little girl can put it (them?) into a pretty bag to hang on the front door.
The fairies will be so pleased to take it away for their own babies.

If she's starting school soon she won't be using a dummy there.

Daisymae Fri 02-Aug-19 12:17:03

Yes, time to get rid of it, she will have problems with her teeth as is becoming apparent. At the end of the day it's up to the parents though so there's nothing you can do.

Minniemoo Fri 02-Aug-19 12:25:34

Only my youngest had a dummy until she was 5. Maybe even 6. Only ever at night though. She'd have her bath, story time, then she'd open her little box and get her dummy. We'd have the 'conversation' about it being time to get rid but I wasn't overly concerned. She'd get rid of it eventually. Which of course she did.

But I do think that at this age, daytime use is to be discouraged. And obviously she won't have it at school.

I actually kept my daughter's and about 15 years later we found it in a 'memory' box. She looked at it with such love in her eyes!

Grammaretto Fri 02-Aug-19 12:30:53

There's a dummy/pacifier tree in Copenhagen where you hang your ex dummies and probably make a wish.
www.joshuasofaer.com/2018/02/the-pacifier-tree/

I never had them for mine but DD has used them strategically and usually just at night.

She gets them to part with them though. I haven't seen the baby with hers recently and she's almost 2.
Visions of the Simpsons
youtu.be/iQLavf8iNI8

My DGS was very attached to his soft toy dog and it "mysteriously" vanished one day. He was heartbroken for a wee while but got over it. Good luck with your DGD.

Gonegirl Fri 02-Aug-19 12:39:15

EllanVannin! It's newborns that need a dummy! Not toddlers.

All of mine had a dummy for the first three or four months, and then didn't want them anymore.

joannapiano Fri 02-Aug-19 12:48:28

Two of my children had a dummy. My middle child sucked her thumb instead, and it was her that had to have a brace on her teeth when she was older, as her front teeth were pushed forward a bit.
As a retired Early-Years teacher I have never seen a child in School with a dummy!
Plus, it’s not your child, Tonks.

MissAdventure Fri 02-Aug-19 13:07:47

Too old, in my opinion.
Fortunately, being a grandparent hasn't stopped this terrible habit I have of having opinions.

sodapop Fri 02-Aug-19 13:07:53

I think the child's mother wants to dispense with the dummy too joannapiano My youngest daughter had a dummy and was reluctant to part with it. We compromised by using it at night only then she gradually didn't bother with it. Some good ideas on here for getting rid of dummies.

mcem Fri 02-Aug-19 13:23:44

One had a dummy which was tied to a tree in the garden and was collected by the fairies for
new babies!! Aged 3/4?
The other (9) still sucks her thumb and her teeth will definitely need treatment.
Unfortunately there are no fairies queuing up to collect well-sucked thumbs!

Luckygirl Fri 02-Aug-19 13:33:34

Firstly - it is not up to us a GPs to comment on our AC's child-rearing decisions - unless of course the child is being abused.

Secondly - the design of dummies has changed since we were parents with the aim of making them tooth safe.

Thirdly - blanket statements that it is "wrong" are inappropriate, unless backed up by proper evidence of harm - and not just a desire to control.

I think it is a non-issue and to be ignored. Why make your DD feel uncomfortable and criticised about her choices? Just leave them all be to bring up their children as they see fit.

If this child feels the need to have her dummy at night, then why should she not? - or a teddy or anything else that helps her to feel secure. Just leave her be! What do you think is wrong with it? What is there to worry about?

I simply would not ever dream of interfering with their choices!!

FlexibleFriend Fri 02-Aug-19 14:26:59

She'll give it up eventually and a dummy is so much better than a thumb. A thumb is always there and can still be sucked in times of stress even as a teenager. My eldest was born in 1980 and orthordontically correct dummies were widely available back then so I'm sure they still are. My grandson has one but he's barely 6 months. My eldest gave his night time dummy up around 5 but it was only used till he nodded off. My youngest never had one both have perfect teeth. It's not your problem so step away and butt out.

stella1949 Fri 02-Aug-19 14:33:12

Surely that decision is up to the parents - nothing to do with grandparents. I'd stay right out of this , OP.

BlueBelle Fri 02-Aug-19 15:10:16

Surely she’s at school ? I m afraid I think 5 is way to old to be sucking a dummy and it’s not at all good for the teeth one grandson hung on to his until he was three then we put it in an envelope to give to a ‘a baby’ and he posted it in the pillar box

Luckygirl Fri 02-Aug-19 15:19:41

* I m afraid I think 5 is way to old to be sucking a dummy* - why?