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Speaking of other halves ...

(132 Posts)
Ninarosa Thu 22-Aug-19 19:04:44

Do any of you lovely ladies have a secret ' leaving ' fund ?
I have, although it's woefully small as I can't seem to stop buying Gabor shoes.
Serious/not serious question !

GagaJo Thu 22-Aug-19 23:57:13

I was married at 18. By 19 I knew he couldn't be trusted with money so cancelled the joint account.

Yes to an escape fund and very glad I was always financially independent. A few years of poverty after I left, but mostly financially stable now.

Sara65 Fri 23-Aug-19 06:25:43

In my experience (not personal) even the loveliest of men can become extremely difficult when a relationship breaks up, best to be prepared

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 08:09:27

Lovely men can also go bankrupt, get arrested, die, get made redundant, get fired, have life altering illnesses or diseases, need residential care, have all savings in his name assessed for care funding etc....

A break up isnt the only scenario a woman needs an escape fund for

harrigran Fri 23-Aug-19 08:22:23

I have always had my own account, copying my mother who called it her "running away fund". The only difference was my money was in the bank but we found mother's under the corner of her bedroom carpet after she died.

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 08:33:53

Lovely men can make bad choices. Hit bad times and spiral downwards.

I havent had an escape savings account because of always having my own income so I could walk into an estate agent tomorrow and they would rent me somewhere based on my salary. But for housewives and stay at home mums it is essential as is their own pension pot.

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 08:36:49

See also: being married!

No woman should ever agree to be the non earner in a relationship where they arent married.

dragonfly46 Fri 23-Aug-19 08:37:42

Never needed one - DH earned the money and I manage it. Never contemplated leaving.

DanniRae Fri 23-Aug-19 09:01:22

Oh Yes! - my darling mum and dad left me a substantial amount of money - all safely tucked away in bank and premium bonds.
I used to work with a man who told me to "Always have someone else lined up just in case!" so I have! (Thank goodness we don't use our real names or I never would have admitted to that!) shock

Septimia Fri 23-Aug-19 09:15:32

We've always had separate current accounts and a jont savings account from which we pay the major bills. Originally we both contributed the same amount to that but, when I stopped working, the donations mostly came from DH and still do.

I realised a short time ago that, while I have an adequate income, the savings (now two joint accounts and one of DH's) might be tied up for a while if anything happens to DH. So I decided that I should start to accumulate some savings just in case!

mokryna Fri 23-Aug-19 10:10:12

Yes, thank goodness!

grandMattie Fri 23-Aug-19 10:10:21

When I was a young married, stay at home mum, I heard on Woman’s Hour, that every woman should have a running away fund. Now 40 years on, I still have it... it’s a running joke in the family, but I’m very glad for it gave me a sense of security should I have had need of it. My daughter hasn’t listened to me, but since when has she? She’s fine in her marriage, BTW.

b1zzle Fri 23-Aug-19 10:10:36

Oh yes! I had a secret leaving fund for fifteen years - and used it last year at the tender age of 70 to finally do the Nelson Mandela walk for freedom and never regretted it!

Diggingdoris Fri 23-Aug-19 10:11:58

When my first husband left I hardly had a penny to my name and vowed never to be in that situation ever again. Now DH and I have separate bank accounts and he never asks what I've got. So I feel secure when things get rocky.

grove1234 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:16:40

Try to be finically responsible .That may mean having your own bank account ,managing your own money .

Davida1968 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:17:47

No, I've never had a "secret fund", but I worked all my life and earned a salary; now I have a decent pension. I think it's really important for a woman to have "job skills" and to be able to earn regular money, where/when possible. Then if you need to "walk away", you have an income to rely upon. (Thankfully I've never needed to "walk away".)

maryhoffman37 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:19:35

No! I wouldn't dream of leaving my lovely man. Of course I have my own bank account as well as our joint ones and I have a SIPP but basically we share everything.

luluaugust Fri 23-Aug-19 10:21:04

No I don't have a secret fund but I have an account of my own where I could get cash pretty quickly if needed. My granny, a Victorian always thought a girl should have a little money of her own.

Minerva Fri 23-Aug-19 10:21:21

Yes but it was pitiful. He on the other hand had squirrelled away enough to buy a home and vamoose. Good riddance. Should have happened 40 years before when he said he had made a mistake on the wedding night. I was an idiot but was never happier than the day he left. Nine years on now.

annep1 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:22:03

Well done Bizzle.

Separate accounts for us too DiggingDoris with complete privacy. I pay one third of joint expenditure as DH has twice my income.
Having a "running away" fund is important and so is having your own income

Since when did children listen to advice grandMattie or say you were right mum?. Did we, with our mums, I wonder?

chris8888 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:24:21

No, but wish l had when l did finally leave.

Annaram1 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:24:48

I always had a small bank account in my name into which I put my earnings as a hypnotherapist (my second job.) My husband knew about it and sometimes we spent a bit of it on a celebration. We had a joint account where my earnings as a Librarian went.
However when my husband died I discovered that he had a secret stash in a Virgin ISA. He had been putting £50 a month into it. Maybe it was HIS running away money. On inheriting it I started spending it on lovely holidays to exotic places, such as Ecuador and the Galapagos Islands, Brazil, and Vietnam. Its all gone now. Thank you darling!

jaylucy Fri 23-Aug-19 10:24:57

I wish I had ! I didn't work so had to rely on ex for financial support and he only gave me enough to spend on just what was needed. He didn't even cough up anything to support our son!
My mum had set up two separate accounts that thankfully she had told me about as dad and everyone else seemed to know nothing about - to pay for her funeral and dads too!
Neither had life insurance (this was before every ad break had adverts for it) so when she died unexpectedly at least the funds were there to pay for the funerals.

Nandee Fri 23-Aug-19 10:26:24

My mum once gave me a 1000 pounds and told me to keep it as my "leaving fund". I forgotten about it till I saw this post. I think I used it to start a wedding fund for my daughter. However like someone else mentioned once I had had my family and restarted work and earnt proper money I can remember that great feeling of being able to be independent if I needed to. Unfortunately I my husband died before we could start our retirement together.

quEEEniE Fri 23-Aug-19 10:29:35

what is special about gabor shoes?

Harris27 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:30:57

I wouldn’t say it was a leaving fund more of a contingency plan!!