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Speaking of other halves ...

(132 Posts)
Ninarosa Thu 22-Aug-19 19:04:44

Do any of you lovely ladies have a secret ' leaving ' fund ?
I have, although it's woefully small as I can't seem to stop buying Gabor shoes.
Serious/not serious question !

grannydo Fri 23-Aug-19 10:33:22

Oh yes for years, My Mum always said have a 'you' fund for you and you only, passed this on to my Daughter as birthday money etc always ends up in the house purse.
I use it for holiday extras , theatre tickets or any thing I would like to buy.

LauraMeredith Fri 23-Aug-19 10:33:28

My friend calls it her knicker-leg-pocket fund! She says all women should have one. Can't say I disagree with her.

Jacqui1956 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:36:51

Yes and I’ve encouraged both my daughter and son to have a secret fund. My daughter calls hers ‘The rainy Day fund’ my sons is the ‘Great Escape Fund’.

Apricity Fri 23-Aug-19 10:37:48

Mine wasn't a "running away fund" as I earned enough to fund my own flight if I chose to do that but boy did I have running away fantasies. I daydreamed and planned complex and amazing disappearing acts worthy of a film script.

Did I ever do it? No, I loved my children too much but my ex-husband and I did eventually part in a much more civilised manner. Somehow we are all still friends, both re-partnered, and the kids and grandkids are all doing fine. But some of those fantasies still linger.....the sliding doors moments in life....🌺🤔🍀

TheMaggiejane1 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:38:00

I didn’t the first time round - never thought I needed one. I was left with 3 dependant children. My then husband promptly stopped paying the mortgage and all the household bills without telling me, despite my salary being less than a quarter of his. Even when I took him to court to get him to pay the mortgage he didn’t pay the back payments. Within a few months I had thousands of pound worth of debts. Utility companies only chase the person living in the house. He hid any money he had so even the courts couldn’t compensate me, it took me years to get out of debt. This time round I have my own money, we live in OH’s house and I rent mine out, I know exactly how I would survive if needs be and I’d never be dependent on anyone again.

Theoddbird Fri 23-Aug-19 10:40:52

My mother had just left me some money. He didn't want half. Wish I had invested it wisely....sighs

Saggi Fri 23-Aug-19 10:43:23

Welcome to my world Joyfulnanna....I have only had ‘an escape fund’ since 5 years ago when I got my state pension. I found the bravery to open my own account , instead of my money going into our joint account which he totally controls! He screamed every abuse at me for three weeks....but I braved it! I still pay my pension into my ‘escape fund’ and I told him I’d he wants me to keep house for him ..cook for him... do e erythibg job you could possibly kebthink if in our house , then he’ll have to consider it my ‘wages’ ...long, long overdue financial independence.

Artdecogran Fri 23-Aug-19 10:51:13

No I never did but my DS did aged 4, which consisted of 4 tea bags, tube of toothpaste - no brush, an oxo cube, and a roll of toilet paper in a huge suitcase under his bed. Too many Famous Five stories I guess.

JacquiG Fri 23-Aug-19 10:51:54

What a good idea. Women need to keep as much independence as they can.

weenanni59 Fri 23-Aug-19 10:53:50

My mother always had what she called ‘slush money ‘ she advised me to do the same.
I call it my secret purse ... it’s always gone on small emergencies so far ..

optimist Fri 23-Aug-19 10:57:01

I have always worked full time (had three children close together). Always earned my own money had my own bank account. Very different attitudes towards money from my husband. He was a spender/I was a saver. So when he died four years ago he left debts. After I paid them off I am solvent though not wealthy. If we had a joint account I may have been left with no money.

Barmeyoldbat Fri 23-Aug-19 11:19:11

Mr Barmey manages the financial stuff and he is very good at it I must say. Every now and again we sit and talk finances and discuss investments and future plans I have always had my own bank account and some savings but I have no intention of leaving him.

Sparklefizz Fri 23-Aug-19 11:23:36

Good grief CrazyH No I didn't have a secret 'leaving' fund but I knew the courts would be very fair to me and they were.

Trust the courts? That really is crazy! (See TheMaggieJane's post above)

My ex lied to the court, cheated, falsified documents, reneged on legal agreements, bounced cheques on me and lied to the children. I had to find my own way and sell junk at car boot sales to put food on the table and keep a roof over the children's heads. I would never trust the courts.

Every woman needs financial independence.

jocork Fri 23-Aug-19 11:24:04

I didn't have a secret fund and wish I had. When I found out about my ex's affair I didn't kick him out immediately - just into the spare room - but I started stashing away what I could at that point. Unfortunately I was on a very low income so didn't get chance to save much. I was lucky in that he prevented me getting a divorce at first, thinking he'd do better when the children went to uni. In the end he was made redundant and got a new job abroad so instead of me having to sell the house, I managed to keep it as he wasn't looking to buy a home, so I did a deal where I took the equity and agreed to no maintenance. I've ended up with a fairly valuable house and as soon as I retire I'll de-clutter and downsize. I'll be able to enjoy the proceeds in my retirement. If he had stayed in the UK I'd have struggled to keep a roof over our heads!

Tooyoungytobeagrandma Fri 23-Aug-19 11:55:11

Yes not much though but will need it soon as am running away from a miserable, tight fisted, gaslighting husbandsad

GabriellaG54 Fri 23-Aug-19 11:57:59

Nooo, he had and has far more than I do and I was keen to put in the effort to keep the fires burning, so to speak. After 40 years I called time and it paid off. wink

philly Fri 23-Aug-19 12:00:26

Many, many years ago, my very funny Irish cousin told me that on his marriage he put a £10 note under the glass of the dressing table so his wife had enough for the train fare if she felt she had had enough. She never felt the need to use it. He is very much missed.

Nanny41 Fri 23-Aug-19 12:02:26

I have my own account, and Husband doesnt ask about it, as he has his own too.I always maintain financial independance,one never knows!

Magrithea Fri 23-Aug-19 12:03:53

I have my own bank account which is quite healthy and investments in my own name so could be OK!

Kate51 Fri 23-Aug-19 12:16:20

I have always looked after our joint finances. OH has no interest. I have warned him for years I could leave him penniless. Happily married for 34 years . My only worry is if I go first so have a notebook to guide him through the finances. Had our situation been different I would always have a secret fund. I could not hand all financial responsibility over to someone else.

schnackie Fri 23-Aug-19 12:21:17

Maggiemaybe glad to hear you won't leave him, but what will he do if you die first! Both partners should always be familiar with all aspects of family finances. (I should add, that does not include the secret stash. Wish I'd had one when I needed it.)

TrendyNannie6 Fri 23-Aug-19 12:23:31

Nope so far never needed one thank goodness ,

notanan2 Fri 23-Aug-19 12:24:26

Nope so far never needed one thank goodness

Once you need it its too late to start it

Maggiemaybe Fri 23-Aug-19 12:27:10

Oh, I know, schnackie. Which is why I wrote despite my best efforts, I can't get the other half to show any interest whatsoever. Fear not, I have left written instructions for him! And if he doesn’t remember where they are, I’ve told the DC as well. smile

crazyH Fri 23-Aug-19 12:30:54

Sparkle, I'm sorry you had such a bad deal. So did Maggie and some others.
I can only say, you probably didn't have a very efficient lawyer. On the other hand, I have to say, because I dealt with all the finances of the Practice, he couldn't hide anything. I kept the books. That was my unpaid job. Perhaps that was taken into account. I don't know.