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Is your house More tidy or More messy since you have been on your own.

(31 Posts)
bikergran Thu 12-Sep-19 18:18:04

When my dh was here still here(5 yrs) ago, my house was pretty tidy, nothing much out of place, hoovered every other day, washing up done straight away,washing dried put away etc etc beds straightened.

But since dh died, I cant seem to keep house tidy not have the inclination, I think my brain thinks!! well there's only me here!
why bother.

My bedrooms are a tip (oh yes they are) ;) I cant see the carpet, piles of washing(clean).

Iv'e tried forcing myself "come on mrs get sorted" but nope.
I like a tidy house but just doesn't seem to matter much any more.

I have approx 9 plastic boxes (ready to tidy stuff away) all with coloured lids , but nope! the enthusiasm doesn't arrive.

Even setting myself the task of one room at a time doesnt help.

So..............are you more tidy ?or less tidy? now your on your own.hmm

aggie Thu 12-Sep-19 18:19:45

More tidy , my DD says it is because I never move !

Chewbacca Thu 12-Sep-19 18:24:39

Less tidy. Even up until a couple of years ago I was tidier than I am now but, since moving house, I just can't be bothered very much. It's clean but that's all! If I'm expecting anyone to call, I rush around tidying up like crazy!

Smileless2012 Thu 12-Sep-19 18:28:54

I'm not on my own, still have Mr. S. but I didn't want to not respond to you bikergran.

Maybe you feel that now you're on your own it doesn't matter if the house is tidy but judging by your post, I think it does.

You say it's 5 years since you lost your DH, could it be that you are still trying to come to terms with your loss? Is there someone who could come and give you a hand? Sometimes when things mount up they can seem over facing, and once sorted it's much easier to keep on top.

It really doesn't matter you know, if your house could do with a good tidy. It only matters if it matters to youflowers.

craftyone Thu 12-Sep-19 18:48:45

less tidy and it is 4 1/2 years and the reason is that there is so much to do, all the garden, the house cleaning, emptying the dish washer. One early thing that hit me was that any dishes left in the sink remained there. My husband was quietly excellent in the house

Since then I have downsized possessions and packed up a 4 bed house with snug and study, sold it, found a house and moved in and by myself turned the garden from a builders dump to what is going to be a stunning calming place to sit. I bought and moved 33 bags of gravel and 50 bags of soils, so yes the house is not as tidy but I don`t care. It is my home

M0nica Thu 12-Sep-19 19:07:37

DH is still with me, but when he was working he travelled a lot on business, often for weeks, sometimes for months at a time.

The house is always tidier when he is a way. I like the environment around me to be absolutely tidy so that I know where everything is.

I always swore I could never marry a man who smoked or one who was untidy. DH kept his disorder carefully hidden until we were married and I have been combatting it ever since. I simply cannot function if everything round me is disordered.

GrandmaMoira Thu 12-Sep-19 19:08:24

I'm much more tidy. My DH died quite a long time before my sons moved out. My sons had so much stuff/clutter so without that it is much better. I admit I have lapsed a bit since I moved and no longer have to keep it immaculate for viewings.

Smileless2012 Thu 12-Sep-19 19:19:52

"I simply cannot function if everything round me is disordered" me too Monica, even as a child.

Mr. S. and I were both smokers when we met and married, he's given up but I still do restricting myself to the kitchen diner.

He's not bad on the being tidy front but I had no idea how tidy or not he was until I married him.

annsixty Thu 12-Sep-19 19:26:38

Much more untidy now.
My H was a clean freak, everything had to be put away immediately, after he developed dementia he was worse, a cup and saucer just left on the work top would have him fretting until I dealt with it, he never did although he would have done so before.
Now I am almost like a child being wilful.
Dishes get left, clothes get left on a chair in my bedroom and tables get cluttered.
I actually like living in a house that looks lived in.

Cherrytree59 Thu 12-Sep-19 19:27:55

bikergran How does your house feel to you?
Is it what you would call comfy and homely?
If so then let it be.

Just do jobs if and when you feel up to it.

My priorities would a clean kitchen and bathroom.

If you have a second bedroom, put all clean washing and other stuff in there until you can be bothered to sort it.
You will then have reclaimed your bedroom allowing you a calm space to sleep or just to chill out in smile

Nannyxthree Thu 12-Sep-19 19:39:17

I noticed that my mother got untidier after Dad died. She also started hoarding. It seemed to be that she needed stuff around her to compensate for his absence.

wildswan16 Thu 12-Sep-19 19:41:14

Mine is definitely tidier since I retired. I like the minimalist look and feel happier with clear spaces. I've even got a couple of empty drawers! I am much more relaxed.

A couple of years ago I emptied the kitchen cupboards of everything I hadn't used for a year and stored it all in a big box. I have only retrieved one thing from the box (and that would only have cost me a fiver if I'd bought a new one). Cooking etc is now so much easier. The contents of the box is shortly heading to the charity shop.

But everyone is different - if your home is making you feel miserable then just change it a little bit at a time. Start with one drawer, a whole room is far too much.

crazyH Thu 12-Sep-19 19:57:48

My Ex was so tidy that it got on my nerves...and my untidiness most definitely got on his. We were not compatible at all.
Now, my house is as messy as I let it be. I try to keep the lounge tidy , because I am a pop-in type of person and my neighbours are constantly popping in for a chat. I sit mainly in the dining room with a little tv, with mess all around me. I can see 4 pairs of sandals strewn over the floor (that's how I had a nasty fall recently). I can see the dining table full of bags of shopping I haven't put away (except the frozen prawns). But bliss - no one to tell me when to tidy up !!!

EllanVannin Thu 12-Sep-19 20:10:23

My late husband was the tidy one, something which he'd picked up from being in the Merchant Navy where living quarters were at a premium so he'd learned to keep everything in order. His drawers/wardrobe/desk were immaculate. Everything had to be folded neatly. He could put his hand on anything he wanted at the time while I'd be hunting high and low for what I needed.

Mine were a different kettle of fish and I've never changed. I used to give him nightmares hahahaha.

Urmstongran Thu 12-Sep-19 20:22:45

Well, I’m only on my own for a week or so out here in Malaga as my husband had to return home earlier than planned.

I’m more slovenly. It’s only a small place too!

I was going out with friends last night for pizza, got ready then glanced at the kitchen sink - not a pot washed since breakfast (okay, only for one, but then coffee, a jug, another plate, a wine glass ...)

Actually I’m quite enjoying it. My husband is anally tidy. I’m the beneficiary I suppose.

They say opposites attract ...

bikergran Thu 12-Sep-19 20:36:21

Interesting replies.

Smileless smile my house is clean but messy, I throw my clothes/clean washing on floor,etc you know! then when you need clean clothes you go n rummage through the piles.

When dh was here we were both tidy, he would put out door shoes away in cabinet, hang his clothes up if we had been out, even when he was ill he was tidy (the love)

Thing is I enjoy tidying up for others confused

I tidy my mum n dads flat (their both in their 80s)

I spend lot of time at my dds gardening, tidying, D.I Y ing.

My bathroom is always clean n tidy very minimalistic.

Yes prob still stuggling but no excuse!!! tut!!

I also work part time, but no excuse.

So.....I shall make a plan! lol .

Cherrytree yes I have spare little bedroom, but that is cluttered lol.with clothes I have tossed in.

Its like a whirlwind when Gson comes to sleep (they wouldn't notice anyway)

annsixty I think we are alike at the moment, hey we could do a house swap, you tidy mine and I will tidy yours lol.

I'm quite comfy in my home, its 20 yr sold so was new build.

bikergran Thu 12-Sep-19 20:38:19

also my small house is open plan with conservatory so everything on show, no doors to shur things away (except upstairs and bathroom) they have doors lol.

tanith Thu 12-Sep-19 20:41:33

It’s tidier now purely because had so much ‘stuff’ which has now been gifted to family or to the charity shop and now it’s only me I’m a bit of a neat freak I have a place for everything and everything in its place 🤣I can’t help it 😜

annsixty Thu 12-Sep-19 20:48:49

Another thing my H insisted on was, when we came back from holiday the cases had to be unpacked as soon as we came through the door , no time even for a cup of tea.
This was whatever time we arrived home.
The washer was always on before we went to bed.
I haven't been on holiday since he died but you can bet your life if I do that case will not be unpacked until I am ready.

bikergran Thu 12-Sep-19 20:51:01

smile annsixty

Chewbacca Thu 12-Sep-19 21:29:14

Funny thing though.... whikst I've generally become more "slovenly", I still cannot leave the house with the bed unmade. On the rare occasion that I've done so, my heart sinks when I go upstairs and see a heap of bed clothes that have to be made before I can get in it again! couldn't possibly climb into an unmade bed 😁

Urmstongran Thu 12-Sep-19 21:53:03


My husband is a bit the same. Cases unpacked, washer on, post opened etc.

It can be a bit exhausting. I like life at a slower pace. He says I’m lazy ....

I wonder what life would be like if I’d married another (cheerful) laid back person instead?

Maybe we’d never get anything done....

BradfordLass72 Thu 12-Sep-19 22:37:38

I'm not a tidy person but the house is tidier because I've simply got rid of a lot of things I don't wear, or use regularly.

I have a selection of winter and summer clothes and they come out, according to season, each year.
You could put everything I possess on the bedroom floor and it wouldn't cover the carpet.

In fact I was marvelling today just how long I've owned at least 2 garments.

One nightdress I bought in Yeadon when I was about to go into hospital to have my first baby (1970). It's well mended, seams re-sewn and new lace but it still fits.

Then I'm actually wearing a peach coloured petticoat with cream lace my mother bought me when we lived in Bradford, I think it came from M&S in Darley Street.
I wasn't married at the time so that was prior to 1969.

So to me, the answer is: the less you own, the less you have to tidy up.

And whilst it may not be relevant to you bikergran when I go through periods of lethargy and not wanting to bother with anything, it's usually because I've run out of iron tablets.

So I get myself back on that and gingko biloba - and within days I'm ready to leap about and tidy/clean/mend everything in sight.

bikergran Fri 13-Sep-19 09:03:54

gingko biloba hmmm sounds interesting.hmm

Orangutan Tue 17-Sep-19 17:40:57

Definitely more messy. I used to be such a neat freak when my son lived at home. When he left and moved in with his girlfriend I got a cat for company and everything went to pot! My son doesn't understand why I don't worry about cat toys everywhere, mucky paw prints, clawed carpets. He says "mum, do you love the cat more than me". Not true, but how can I tell my darling kitty cat off. 😄😄