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AIBU

Boring friend.

(37 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Sun 29-Sep-19 16:08:29

I've always kept in touch with an old school friend and we meet weekly.Recently she had made contact with an other classmate and she has started coming out with us. She never married or had kids and I find it hard to have anything in common with her. The conversation seems to lack fun as she is rather straight laced and serious. I thought I might suggest another extra day out to my friend just the two of us.

Hm999 Mon 30-Sep-19 17:39:55

I have someone I see often, same age as me, and I have absolutely nothing in common with her. She has no hobbies, doesn't read books, doesn't go out to the cinema or any other form of entertainment outsude the home, and doesn't drive so doesn't travel far. (Not that I do many of them.)
And actually I'd be quite fed up with someone inviting a third to our weekly coffee without asking me. I had lunch with 2 sisters recently, and found I talk to each of them about totally different things! Three-way conversations are very difficult without a shared interest, preferably an actively shared, current interest.

Gemini1789 Tue 01-Oct-19 09:13:45

Crumbs ! Everyone who has commented is a lot kinder than I am. I don't spend time with people I find boring. Life's too short. And that might explain why I don't have lots of friends. I had a friend once who used to moan that she had to go to visit some dinner party friends. It was her turn to visit or something. Why would you do that ? Also why would you want people only to visit you because they felt they ought to ? I guess it depends what you mean by ‘friend ‘ . Is it someone you tolerate ? Or is it someone whose company you enjoy and after they have gone you feel happy ?
I’m genuinely interested in the answer to this because you read everywhere that friends are the secret to long life. Oh dear. Doesn’t bode well for me.

SueDonim Tue 01-Oct-19 10:16:22

I don't think it's necessarily having anything in common. My oldest friend and I are like chalk and cheese, I'm long-term married, four DC, numerous GC, while she's a career woman, single, no children. Yet we have a such a close bond.

Maybe it's simply that the OP and the other person don't gel with each other. Even if they were friendly at school, much water has passed under the bridge since then and people change.

It took me many years to realise that I didn't have to be friends with everyone I met, and I was all the happier when I did realise that. I'd never want to be unkind to anyone, though, so it's best to just let acquaintances quietly lapse.

annep1 Tue 01-Oct-19 11:30:05

You're making me rethink my previous response "Gemini".
I too was kind about the third person and while I do feel she perhaps needs company, I wouldn't want to spend a lot of time being bored. Perhaps try to draw her out but if nothing changes then maybe a compromise is needed.

Alexa Tue 01-Oct-19 11:48:51

I find that my friends charm me for entirely different reasons. Theer are topics I would not broach with one friend and other topic I would not broach with another friend. The more individuals are in the group of freinds the less chance you all want to talk about the same thing.

I'd try harder with your quiet friend "strait laced and serious would intrigue me as I am like that too and have found few people who are like that. Would you please try to get her to visit Gransnet?

quizqueen Tue 01-Oct-19 12:00:52

If you're not keen on the other lady, just be honest and tell your friend exactly that. Say you'd rather go back to meeting up with just the two of you. She can then see the other person on her own, surely. What's the problem!

jeanie99 Wed 02-Oct-19 03:53:33

This reminds me of the other week when I had over an hour to wait for my bus.
I went into the station cafe for a coffee to wait out my time. A lady came in and sat near me and I said hello, I talk to everyone I'm a bit of a talker to be honest.
The time passed so quickly as I listened with interest to this ladies past life. I had a very interesting hour and wished now I had suggested she come and join our Lincoln meet up group.
Even people who are quiet and reserved can open up and your new friend could have lots to say if you give her a chance.

Nansnet Wed 02-Oct-19 07:32:51

I'm with Gemini1789 on this. Life's too short to have to socialize with people you don't enjoy spending time with. I have a very small group of friends who I love getting together with, sometimes as a small group, sometimes just two of us. We're all different characters, but we 'gel' and enjoy catching up, and discuss anything from families, husbands, kids, holidays, work, politics, etc. They make me happy, and we have lots of laughs, but also we've been there to support each other when things aren't going so well.

On the other hand, when I moved further away, another acquaintance invited me along to join a club, where I met other women, and we occasionally have the odd get-together.
The ladies are all very nice, but to be honest, I don't particularly enjoy our get-togethers ... I find them boring!Lol That's not because they are not interesting people, but we simply don't 'gel'. Maybe they think I'm boring too! The only reason I still meet up with them is because I don't want to seem rude! ... What did I say about life being too short?!hmm

Also, what SueDonim said about not having to have things in common with someone in order to be a good friend and enjoy their company ... one of my oldest friends, whom I've know even since before school, who is not married, never had kids, has a career, etc. all unlike me, yet we have a very close friendship, and enjoy each others company whenever we get together.

I think it's definitely all about the 'gel' ...

Grammaretto Wed 02-Oct-19 07:34:31

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Invite along another friend into the mix.
We meet each Wednesday in our witches coven, sorry craft group, where we chatter away blissfully talking about everything - putting the world to rights. I love it.
One of our group is thoughtful so asks each in turn how it's been going or some wouldn't get a word in edgeways.

BradfordLass72 Thu 03-Oct-19 08:25:47

Lots of sensible advice here, so you don't need mine.

Therefore... if this new lady is rather straight laced, try attending your next tea party dressed in a black leather basque and fishnet stockings.
Insist on ordering a very large, fresh cream cake and eat it saucily.

That should, at the very least, make for an interesting conversation. grin

Hetty58 Thu 03-Oct-19 08:59:26

kircubbin, a work colleague was friendly when we went out but very quiet/withdrawn in any group, crowd or team outings. I think she only had confidence with couple or pair situations.

The same could apply to the 'other classmate' or, indeed, to yourself.

When her (one and only) best friend died, she turned to me as a potential'replacement' but wanted a listener or sounding board rather than a balanced, two-way conversation. I was sympathetic but found her much too demanding and she resented other friends.