Gransnet forums

AIBU

To help a damsel in distress?

(55 Posts)
grannyactivist Thu 31-Oct-19 23:57:08

Having worked away all week The Wonderful Man is at home tonight, but sleeping on another floor far enough away from me so that I don’t disturb him; he’s currently working extremely long hours and looked exhausted earlier.

My house has a lighted porch so I can easily see anyone who is outside, it also has sturdy locks and I have mobile numbers for the local police and PCSOs in my phone.

Just before 10.30pm I heard a commotion directly outside my house. It sounded like teenagers, but I could also hear what sounded like a drunken older man. There was some shouting and then I heard a girl start to scream, followed by sobbing. I looked out of my window and saw that the sobbing girl was being comforted by a lad inside my gateway, whilst a group of belligerent sounding males were having a shoving and shouting match inside my neighbour’s gate. I could hear the girl sobbing and saying over and over “it really hurts”.

So I put on my dressing gown, marched down my path, took a hold of the girls hand and told her to come inside with me so that I could help - then marched her into the house, along with the boyfriend, and locked the door.

She had been with a group of friends and had fallen out with her boyfriend, so she had walked to the bus stop (opposite my house) and was going home. An older man, who is a belligerent alcoholic (known to her and by reputation also known to me) accosted her and began to pester her and wouldn’t go away. Her friends caught up with her and they all ended up rowing with the man. Some pushing and shoving took place and the girl (17) ended up on the ground, banging her knee very badly in the process.

We had a chat and I insisted she call her mother to come and collect her as the fracas was still going on outside. Her mother has now driven her home and the others have dispersed.

Yesterday I would simply have called the police, because I was home alone and too ill to have coped. My reasoning for not doing so tonight is that I felt it was not safe to leave the girl in harm’s way when I know exactly how few police are available here in an emergency and that it would be a minimum of 20 or 30 minutes before they would arrive.

Tomorrow I will have to fess up to The Wonderful Man (who slept through it all) and I’d like to be prepared for what he might say. It’s true that I’m pretty well exhausted now, but I expect (hope) I will have recovered by the morning. So, was it an unreasonable response on my part? Please imagine it was your daughter/granddaughter before you respond.

SueDonim Fri 01-Nov-19 00:29:30

You sound as though you held all the cards and were in control, so good for you. Sometimes instinct takes over, doesn't it? smile

Hope you're feeling better soon.

SparklyGrandma Fri 01-Nov-19 00:43:54

A very kind and sensible thing to do grannyactivist. You got her in to safety and her mum picked her up.

You did the right thing, I think.

Lyndiloo Fri 01-Nov-19 01:04:06

You did the brave thing, grannyactivist and luckily, it all worked out well. (Well done, you!)

But I would caution you about letting strangers into your home. It could have all turned out horrendously different. I think your 'Wonderful Man' will have a few cross words with you - and I wouldn't blame him!

BradfordLass72 Fri 01-Nov-19 04:21:14

I’d like to be prepared for what he might say

'Well done darling, that was exactly the right thing to do but I wish you'd woken me."

Betcha!
(although he may not call you 'darling' - it could be 'Sweetums' or 'my poppet' or 'Honeybun' grin

jogginggirl Fri 01-Nov-19 07:25:46

How kind and brave of you grannya
I’m sure ‘The Wonderful Man’ will be very proud of you ☺️
Hope you feel a little better soon 😊

Sillygrandma5GK Fri 01-Nov-19 07:44:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yehbutnobut Fri 01-Nov-19 07:57:29

If more people acted as you did and didn’t ‘walk by on the other side’ society would be a better place.

MamaCaz Fri 01-Nov-19 08:04:34

What the others have said.

If/when the wonderful man gets cross with you, you know it's only because he loves you. smile

You could 'agree' with him that it perhaps wasn't the wisest thing to do, and that if something similar was to happen again that you would 'think twice' before intervening. (Not a lie, I'm sure - I bet you 'thought twice' before getting involved on this occasion too, before deciding that you couldn't do nothing.)

Whatever his reaction, you did a good, couragous thing, and I bet he will be proud of you, even if he doesnt admit it because his concern for you outweighs it. flowers

Calendargirl Fri 01-Nov-19 08:14:52

I think you were very brave. I also agree with Lyndiloo though about letting strangers into your home. But sometimes you have to stand up and be counted.

I would have woken my husband up though and he would have gone outside.

annsixty Fri 01-Nov-19 08:22:01

Forgive me for my question but are you asking if YWBU for helping or for not waking your H?
I think any one of us would have helped, we did a similar thing and we also didn't call the police but called the girls parents who picked her up.
I assume if things had gone pearshaped in your home your H would have been alerted by you.
However well done for acting and not turning over to go back to sleep.

Auntieflo Fri 01-Nov-19 08:29:14

That was a brave and wonderful thing you did GA, and I agree with all the above comments.

I think/know you should have woken your wonderful man, but instinct does take over, and you came to the rescue.

How do you feel now, in the cold light of day?
Considering that you have been very unwell recently, I hope this hasn't set you back.
Many bunches of flowers for you.

harrigran Fri 01-Nov-19 08:39:34

I think I would have shouted from the door to chase off the rabble and called to the girl to come to you.
I once took in a young woman who was fleeing from an abusive partner but I was only young myself. I had no way of knowing whether he would follow her and cause problems and I had a tiny baby in the house.
All's well that ends well but it could have turned ugly.

B9exchange Fri 01-Nov-19 08:50:17

It is a very sad world we live in when we have to be worried about the consequences of helping others. Absolutely you did the right thing, the girl's mum will have been so grateful to you, as well as the girl herself, and I would think the boyfriend too! I am sorry for you that you don't live in a quieter neighbourhood.

We heard a large crash outside our house one night, and looking out a car had ploughed into two huge cypresses at the end of our neighbour's drive and demolished them. My husband went out to investigate and found a young couple giggling, apparently they had been canoodling whilst driving ("I was wiv her") and not surprisingly the driver had got distracted! The police arrived and advised our neighbour not to press charges, they were from a caravan site a mile down the road and known to be violent!

Magrithea Fri 01-Nov-19 10:21:58

sometimes the adrenalin kicks in and you just go for it! Well done though I'm sure her Mum was grateful that you helped out.

Dee1012 Fri 01-Nov-19 10:28:32

All I can say is well done you! As someone else commented, too many people would have done nothing!
A few years ago, my brother was returning home from work on busy public transport and was assaulted by someone unknown, quite badly.
Not one person helped him, even after the assailant ran off.

crazyH Fri 01-Nov-19 10:34:18

We'll done......very brave !

crazyH Fri 01-Nov-19 10:37:43

Well

NotSpaghetti Fri 01-Nov-19 10:38:37

I would have done the same grannyactivist - and have done so in the past. And like harrigran my daughter took in a young woman escaping a violent partner. We sometimes just have to take a “risk” on someone else’s behalf.

It’s not just how few/busy the police are it’s just about humanity. Better on the whole to be treated kindly when distressed.

But, Grannyactivist, when you “fess up” it will only be what he knew you would do, and he’ll love you for it!

Riggie Fri 01-Nov-19 10:39:36

Thats awful Dee. Even if someone had only offered to phone someone for him it would have been something.

Anthea1948 Fri 01-Nov-19 10:41:49

I didn't need to imagine it was my daughter/granddaughter to know that I thought you were extremely brave (you didn't really know what would happen when you went down your path) and definitely did the right thing. I'm not sure everyone would have done it, but well done you for putting someone else's well-being ahead of any concerns you might have had.

schnackie Fri 01-Nov-19 10:43:09

I would have done exactly the same thing. Well done you, as many other have said and it sounds like you thought it through quickly and intelligently. WM may only be concerned for your safety and wish you had woken him up.

Callistemon Fri 01-Nov-19 10:45:52

You did the right thing grannyactivist and used your judgement too.

Well done.

Camelotclub Fri 01-Nov-19 10:51:00

Why do you have to 'fess' up? What about? You did a good job.

jaylucy Fri 01-Nov-19 11:00:07

First of all, well done for helping that girl but as your Wonderful Man slept through it all, why bother telling him ?
I think I'd just say that there was a bit of fuss last night outside and leave it at that and only if he mentions it first!