Putting a DOG before a child? ABIU??

Crazy behaviour
The dog should be put in kennels for the day so it doesn’t get distressed. Or the dog should be shut in the garage for the duration of the visit.
I’ve got four dogs and I would be mortified if any dog of mine behaved in that way. Frankly, if it’s bitten already it should be destroyed. The rspca never rehome a dog that’s known to gave bitten. They put them down I’m afraid

She needs to have a friend watch her dog Away from her house or have it go to a kennel. It is ridiculous that some people won't take this step. the dog will be fine. Your family 's relationships won't be if they place the dog over uour grandchild. Also, my son's girlfriend gives her dog medication to help with its aggression. Inconvenience the dog, Not the humans!

Magpie ...Whilst you're at the party, to anyone who enquires tell them exactly why your daughter and gchild aren't there, and how difficult you found this arrangement. That isn't at all ungrateful or rude. It is just straightforward. Especially if you don't go in for aggressive words or looks.

I beg to differ, this would be extremely rude. It will get back to the host, and you’ll likely fall out.

Just don’t attend this party. It’s obvious you don’t want to.

I think they should put the dog away, but that’s their choice not to.

Just as it’s their choice not to invite your young grand child. There is a world of difference between a 3 and 7 year old, so I can understand it.

Your family 's relationships won't be if they place the dog over uour grandchild

Only if OP acts badly. The host has a right to choose who to invite to their house.

The host does put children before the dog when they are children the host is close to

The issue is that the OP expects the same for her GC, who from the hosts POV are distant extended family (a cousins grandchild) so they probably arent as inclined to go out of their way for them. Which is fair enough

Not many of us would go to the sane lengths for someone else's GC as we would if they were our own!

I agree with GradmaMoira I wouldn't go near a dog that is known to bite particularly when it is going to be in a place with a lot of people where it could get nervous or excited. I grew up in a very doggy household, but dogs that bite are an unnecessary risk.

I don’t agree with your cousin, but I think if you are hosting you can set the rules.
Is this worth falling out about?
I also have dogs and would keep them in a different room (and they aren’t aggressive - you wouldn’t even need to ask!). But I wouldn’t fall out with anyone over this either.

Magpie ...Whilst you're at the party, to anyone who enquires tell them exactly why your daughter and gchild aren't there, and how difficult you found this arrangement. That isn't at all ungrateful or rude. It is just straightforward. Especially if you don't go in for aggressive words or looks.

Why go at all intending to behave like that?

If the OP wants to see the NZ family she could have invited/hosted them herself another day. But if she didnt then she cant claim to be so desperate to see them that she has to go to the cousins house

IMO it is completely wrong for anyone to keep a dog that is known to bite. I am fond of dogs, although we don't currently have one, but would never keep one that couldn't be trained not to snap or bite.

That said, you have addressed the problem, but the dog's owner is refusing to see the point.

A point no-one seems to have considered is that a three year old isn't going to enjoy a family reunion if this sort, so even if there had been no grumpy dog, taking a child that age to a function of this kind is frankly ridiculous.

And now I am prepared to duck.

So OP, you might want to invite the relatives from NZ to your house to meet your grandson and see his parents.

Then you can decide whether you want to go to a family function where you or someone else is liable to be bitten by a dog.

The dog will be very stressed by a big crowd this more likely to lash out. The dog should go to a dogsitter whom he knows well for 24 hours. I speak from the dog’s POV.

We have a dog that is not 100% trustworthy around large groups of people and people she does not know. When we have get togethers, we put our dog in the bedroom with some of her toys and her bed and keep her there until everyone leaves. We would never not include someone because of the dog. Our dog is perfectly fine in the bedroom while and I can have piece of mind knowing we are not putting any of our guests at Fisk if being bit.

Introducing the 3 y.o. is the the OP's daughter's job.
Is the mother of the child interested in her child meeting the relatives?
If so, she should arrange it.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

The 3 year old doesn't belong at a party.

Why don't you offer to have the party at your house, that way she won't bring the dog.

I actually had our Corgi , (previously owned by elderly person ) put down for the same reason: it could not be wholly trusted around my children and I was not prepared to run the risk to have any child or person harmed.

It was done with the total support and agreement of our vet .

I have always had dogs and presently have a very loving Alsatian who , unfortunately, came to us with a disability but whom we would never consider putting down unless he really suffers.
It seems to me understandable but unfair to keep a dog which is liable to harm . In fact, it should be made illegal.

Sorry if it’s been said already- but maybe you could offer to host the party instead. Would solve all issues.

I don't see that you have to tell anyone why your grandchild isn't at the party as none have been invited - obviously it is to be a party without any young children present so the absence of one will not be of interest to anyone.
It's is the host's interrogative to decide the guest list, it is the invited guest's decision to attend or not. If you don't like the situation you are invited to attend then don't go, if you want to go then be a gracious and positive guest.
If your only concern is that the NZ visitors have to meet your grandchild, then make the effort to organise another occasion so that they can (should they want to and assuming that the child's parents are happy for you to do this)

A dog that is agressive to certain stimuli can be safely kept and doesnt need to be put down.

E.g. I know someone who walks their dog very early in the morning or late at night. It is no risk to adult humans but doesnt mix well with small dogs or small humans.

It lives in a small child free household and causes zero problems. It could not be homed with anyone who wanted to do daytime walks in busy family parks etc.

Putting down isnt the only way to manage risk.

Sorry if it’s been said already- but maybe you could offer to host the party instead. Would solve all issues.

It would be wrong to hijack or splinter group the hosts day by trying to take it over/move the venue, but yes, OP could have arranged (and hosted/paid for!) a separate child friendly party on another day if it mattered so much to her.

Why do you want your GC to the party?

I'm behind the cousin with this. Whatever the reason, she should be able to decide who she invites into her home without being made to look bad by her family.

Notanan2 I agree wholeheartedly with you.

Quite a lot of responses and non of us know for sure if the dog has actually bitten anyone? So moving on from killing it....

I still feel the problem is the very young 3 year old and the hosts simply do not want toddlers at their party. Not unusual.

What I feel is 'unusual' is that I can't see any dog owners allowing a dog they think/know may bite to be around anybody at the party? NOBODY would feel comfortable...surely? Would ANYBODY host a party and make the entire guests feel uncomfortable? So for that reason alone I think you just have to respect their wishes - no 3 year old! Personally I wouldn't have any dog wandering round a large party! (not the fond of having my small grandchildren either if I am socialising, catching up with news and drinking, they can be so demanding)

Am sure am not alone in wondering how everyone else gets on with this savage dog bahaha......

Your cousin is ridiculous, not to mention insulting. I would try to meet with the NZ family at a separate place and time, citing your cousin’s inflexibility as your reason for not attending the get together.