Putting a DOG before a child? ABIU??

The dog is “extremely territorial and sometimes bites”. If you’ve got a dog like that then I can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would subject a dog to a party with children present.

As has been said though, it’s up to the host who she invites. If that makes it difficult or impossible for the 3 year old’s mum to attend then that’s a real shame, especially when there is an alternative that the dog is well used to. Hopefully 1. the relatives can get together at some other point without this bogey, reactive dog, 2. no-one gets bitten at the party or disturbed by a dog growling and barking and 3. the cousin invests in some serious behaviour training

barky not bogey

Sorry, childish, I know, but bogey.

But SirChenjin what am saying is we only have the OP's version of the dog being extremely territorial and who does it sometimes bite? How often? Very vague. I really cannot see anybody in their right mind inviting a load of strangers (to the dog) and insisting that their unpredictable, vicious, territorial dog be present! Unless they are 'insane' NOBODY would risk it so....with that in mind....I think it is more the 3 year old that is the problem with the hosts (maybe the dog simply does not like little children or maybe the hosts don't like little children?) and not the whole house who will be standing on chairs, shooing a rampant dog away!

And no, it isn't a shame for anybody. They can still go (just get baby sitter). Its no more of a shame than somebody organising a wedding and stating "no children".

I just can’t imagine getting worked up over the fact that someone isn’t letting you use the party to introduce people who in all reality care very little

If you want to make the introduction, set it up yourself

& territorial about what?

Some dogs are territorial about their food. Some are territorial with just other dogs (this is a problem with toddlers as they dont distinguish them as humans) some are territorial with just one sex of humans.

The dog may be used to crowds of adult humans. They may entertain a lot. They may take it to childfree pubs etc. It may be very well socialised with adults. But un predictable with small animals and children.

The OP isnt specific.

Are there other children going ? If not , then it's not personnel . Some people prefer not to have children at there home and maybe she is using the dog as an excuse .

Yes we only have the OPs word to go on - and I’m happy to accept that she knows the dog better than I do.

She can’t get a babysitter because everyone she knows well enough to babysit is at the party (we were exactly the same, before anyone starts claiming that everyone has a circle of babysitters they can call on)

There are other children going Buster - they range from 7 upwards. And yes I agree, you’d have to be insane to have a party in a house with a reactive, bitey dog - but we all know there are some idiot dog owners out there.

This is not about the dog.

If the dog bites someone, the owner will deal with the consequences. It is none of the OP's business, she is not the one dealing with the aftermath

The issue is that OP cannot parade her grandson and make him the center and star of the party.

I feel for you Magpie, it is such a shame that the dog has been put before the child, I agree with you. All the best to you.

I would suggest that if the dog bites someone then both the owner and the adult or child who was bitten will have to live with the consequences.

I agree that it’s up to the owner to decide who she wants to invite though.

Update...
I went to the party and was a very gracious guest.
I did not raise the issue but both my cousin and her husband apologised for excluding our GS.
The dog was a nightmare, it bit one of the (adult) guests she had staying overnight and snarled and nipped several of the other guests throughout the day. Not for any reason either, one minute it was sitting quietly the next it was snarling and snapping.

So, yes she was right that it was not safe for my GS to attend but I was also correct that the dog should be muzzled.

Thanks to all for your points of view, its made interesting reading - and I've managed to keep the usual agitators rattling their keypads all day!
(At least whilst they were busy insulting me they were not upsetting more sensitive gransnetters - and I care not a jot what they think).

I hate dogs anywhere near children. In fact I stopped liking dogs when I became a mum 34 years ago. You’re not at all unreasonable. I wouldn’t go to the party, and I would encourage as many family members as I could, to give it a wide birth too. What do your grandson’s parents think? Are they happy with it? People and dogs just annoy me, especially when they’re adamant the dog “ won’t hurt anyone “ Don’t go Magpie, make a point that your grandson is much more precious.

You’ve just posted!! It wasn’t there when I sent mine!! Glad it was ok?

Good for you Magpie

I am glad it all went ok

Glad it went ok (and that you’ve clarified what was meant by reactive and bitey - I know some posters were very keen to understand exactly why and when and how often and in what circumstances the dog was liable to react). I hope the guest who was bitten is ok? That must have been very frightening.

Tedber yes that's the point exactly and if a dog owner is fully aware that certain things trigger their dog then they should take responsibility of it by getting it muzzled. Like Magpie has written the dog wasn't very friendly with adults.
But seems like Magpie had a nice time and received an apology. Which is lovely to read. Goodnight to all

We have a small Chihuahua Terrier mix that is not trustworthy with strangers including small children. We take him to a dog sitter when our 18 month old grand son is visiting. I’ve been more relaxed during visits since we adopted this strategy. It seems like a kinder solution but I realize the dog owner/hostess may not embrace the suggestion.

Hi, I have a dog that is exactly the same! When my grandchildren come round we lock him in the bedroom (we put a lock on the door for this purpose) he had Access to water and is never left for a long time, can they not do this? I would simply ask don't they think family come 1st? I don't trust my dog with anyone, immediate family know how to act with him ,but with any visitors, he is locked up, they are very irresponsible taking such a risk!

I know I'm late to the party, so to speak, as the event has already happened, but I just wanted to say that, as a responsible dog owner, with well-behaved dogs, I would never trust any dog 100%, especially with children around.

However, if I was invited to someone's home, who had a not-so-friendly dog, I would never expect them to put their dog into kennels, or lock them away, as it would be my choice whether or not I decided to attend. If the dog does bite someone, then of course that is the dog owners responsibility.

The host did the sensible thing by saying she didn't want a 3 year old at the party. Whether that was because she was thinking about the child's safety, or she simply didn't want a young child running around, who knows, but either way, it was her house, so up to her who she invites. Whatever your views about dogs, you can't dictate what other other people do in their own homes.

I’m glad the party went well for you magpie.

I feel terrible for the poor guest who was bitten!

Putting a DOG before a child? ABIU?? (172 Posts)
two days running GN has posted this inflammatory headline! Doh !!!!
as if 'am i being unreasonable to put children before dogs' isn't a dog whistle for all dog phobics to feel justified and to spread their dog loathing hate which is stoked everytime there is a headline that a dog has attacked a child...it is headline because it is so rare. You could use the logic much more accurately if you said 'Putting a man befor a child AIBU?' as far more men harm and kill children than dogs do.
The original post was in fact far more nuanced that the headline that drew in and fed the anti-dog brigade. I wish GN would stop being so click bait for ignorance.

If it bothers you so much just scroll past it.

My sympathy is with the guest that got bitten. What was the reaction of everybody else? I am very doggy - we have two more staying with us right now - I was bitten by a friend's dog and I am still very wary of it and still feel afraid around it. I am not a wuzz and I am 100% with any other dog but still that one makes my feel scared - I suppose it is a natural reaction. All our dogs are used to cages from puppyhood and if there is the slightest issue they are happy to go in their cages and everyone else is happy too. A friends grandchild is terrified of dogs - no idea why - so the cage means the child is relaxed and the dogs just go to sleep. He is getting better and better around the dogs because no one is forcing the issue.