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Feeling ever so slightly miffed

(57 Posts)
H1954 Sat 30-Nov-19 18:07:09

I shall no doubt be shot down in flames over this but here goes; we have not been together long and wanted to invite close family to a small party so both sides can get to know each other. One of the guests from my OH side has announced that they will be bringing a "third party" along and I'm feeling a bit miffed to be honest. They didn't even ask if it was ok, just assumed! I do not know this person who, apparently is very immature and has no social graces. I just wished they had asked if it was ok to bring her!!!!

Nico97 Sat 30-Nov-19 18:26:11

Ah the vagaries of families - use this experience as part of getting to know them. Then you'll know what to expect when next you issue invitations out and can then either invite, or not.

Calendargirl Sat 30-Nov-19 18:26:36

Oh dear, an unfortunate start! Yes, they should have asked first obviously. I can imagine how galling, but perhaps to avoid things getting off on totally the wrong foot, just swallow hard and make the best of it?
I can’t understand how some people are so thick skinned and oblivious of how to behave.

NfkDumpling Sat 30-Nov-19 18:29:34

I would be miffed too. Is this ‘third party’ a Significant Other or a relative who can’t be left alone? Otherwise I would ask your OH to see if this uninvited extra could be uninvited.

kittylester Sat 30-Nov-19 18:56:02

I'd go with the flow. Dh and I love talking about 'funny' relatives. It's the stuff of family life.

MawB Sat 30-Nov-19 18:56:45

If this +1 is their SO then they should have been invited, if not, then no invitation means no attendance.
From your point of view numbers may be critical and if their is an element of “formality” then it May not be easy to add another guest.
You don’t say who the guest is or who the +1 is, if you were to it might make things clearer. Bottom line is that even if they did not ask you are within your rights to say No.

MawB Sat 30-Nov-19 18:59:26

Oops “there” not “their” blushblush

Gonegirl Sat 30-Nov-19 19:00:55

Just a tiny bit snobby perhaps?

BlueBelle Sat 30-Nov-19 19:01:54

Oh I agree with kitty let it go not worth bothering over
I m presuming by saying one guest is bringing another you mean their partner girl/boyfriend of the moment so what’s the harm ? Yes they should have asked of course, bad manners not to but not worth making a fuss over and pretty churlish to uninvited them in my opinion Have an open mind they might be nice

Riverwalk Sat 30-Nov-19 19:08:41

has no social graces shock

Ban her now! Mrs Bucket

mumofmadboys Sat 30-Nov-19 19:29:30

I agree let it go! You may find you actually like the person involved.

Barmeyoldbat Sat 30-Nov-19 19:37:04

Is this other person a relative, maybe ac of one of your guests, if this is the case then I see no reason why she can't come. Just because somebody is immature is no reason to invite her.As for social graces, sorry but this sounds like snobbery to me.

Why not ask WHY she needs to bring her along. I was once invited to a family social event but was asked not to bring my daughter(she has learning difficulties) as it wasn't suitable for her so I didn't go

Newquay Sat 30-Nov-19 19:39:18

Just let it wash over you IMHO

SalsaQueen Sat 30-Nov-19 19:47:32

"...has no social graces"? How very snobbish

merlotgran Sat 30-Nov-19 19:49:54

Put yourself in a good light and be welcoming to everybody.

rosenoir Sat 30-Nov-19 20:35:45

Maybe you have come across as a welcoming person so they didnt feel the need to ask. What would you have said if you had been asked?

SueDonim Sat 30-Nov-19 20:41:59

It sounds like this is your first challenge in melding two families! I'd be gracious about it and say nothing. smile

Tangerine Sat 30-Nov-19 21:53:54

I'd say nothing. Just go with the flow. You may find you like her when she arrives. If your OH isn't bothered, I certainly wouldn't worry about it.

Grammaretto Sat 30-Nov-19 22:00:42

Sounds like the extra person might be a lot of fun and break the ice. Could be a bit deadly otherwise - far too contrived.

Bridgeit Sat 30-Nov-19 22:03:06

IMOIt is impolite to bring another person without checking with you first.
You could contact the guest to ask who the third party is. Get a conversation going, if you aren’t happy about it ,just say you are unsure about the Third Party & that you will need to think about it& get back to her.
It should then be easy to ring back & say on this occasion the invite is just for her ( your friend)

Esther1 Sat 30-Nov-19 22:17:32

They should definitely have asked you, just common courtesy, and you’d have said yes of course. Just be welcoming now and you’ll put yourself in a wonderful light. We were once asked if it was okay to bring some summer students to a family party as they were lodgers (paying lodgers) for the school holidays. This meant 6 surly teenagers whom we’d never met, nor would likely to meet again, sprawling around the lounge during the party (apparently they could not be left unsupervised- so if they couldn’t come to our party neither could our relatives who were ‘hosting’ them for the summer.

merlotgran Sat 30-Nov-19 22:31:26

Esther, your post reminds me of my brother's Golden Wedding party. His grandson arrived with some rather self-important American teenagers they were hosting who were actors performing in primary schools around the country.

Oh Boy! Were we entertained. hmm hmm hmm

My very hospitable Sis-IL wore a fixed smile for the whole afternoon. The rest of us just wished it would soon be over. grin

Chewbacca Sat 30-Nov-19 23:17:35

My sister brought yet another "serious other" to a family Christmas party one year. He was interesting, in that he helped himself to a present under the Christmas tree that was obviously a bottle of alcohol; drank until he fell down and then threw up on the front path on his way out! Funnily enough, we never saw him again.

merlotgran Sun 01-Dec-19 00:00:25


Hithere Sun 01-Dec-19 00:19:15

What does your OH say about it?
Is it normal in his family to do that?

It is up to him to fix this if you two think something should be done